Dirty riddles
●●● A loves B, B loves C? What should A do? (Find another B) ●●● A hedgehog is running across the lawn - dragging and laughing. Why does he laugh? (Because the grass tickles the pussy) ●●● A hedgehog runs across the lawn and cries. Why is he crying? (The grass was cut) ●●● No windows, no doors, and a Jew sitting inside? What is this? (Sarah is pregnant) ●●● No arms, no legs, jump on a woman! (Yoke) ●●● White, not sugar. Cold, not ice. (Corpse) ●●● There is an elevator in a 12-story building. Only 2 people live on the ground floor; from floor to floor the number of residents doubles. Which button in the elevator of this building is pressed most often? (Regardless of the distribution of residents by floor, button “1”) ●●● I take it in two hands, put it between my legs, sweat for five minutes, and then go crazy. (Exercise bike) ●●● There’s a board in your teeth, there’s melancholy in your eyes. (The man fell into the village aftershock) ●●● There is one in the sky, none in the ground, but the woman has two of them. (Letter B) ●●● A dead man lies in the desert. There is a bag over my shoulders and a flask of water on my belt. For many kilometers around there is not a single living soul. What did the man die from and what was in his bag? (The man died from hitting the ground, and in the bag there was a parachute that did not open) ●●● In a dark room, on a white sheet - two hours of pleasure. (Movie show) ●●● Hanging - dangling, called three letters. In the middle is "U". (Shower) ●●● There is a pear hanging - you can’t eat it. (Someone else's pear or Aunt Grunya hanged herself) ●●● Hanging on the wall, green and squeaking. (Herring. Hanging on the wall because I hung it there, green because I painted it, and squeaking so that no one would guess) ●●● I’ll take it in my hands, squeeze it tightly - it will become elastic and hard like a turnip. (Snowball) ●●● Black around, red in the middle. (Radish in a black man's ass) ●●● Black around, white in the middle. (The radish is there, only bitten) ●●● Hair on hair, body on body - a dark matter begins. (Eye closes) ●●● Hair, hair..., and in the middle there is sausage. (Corn) The hairy head flies deftly by the cheek. (Toothbrush) ●●● Smelly, red, dangerous for girls. (Java motorcycle) ●●● It will stand up and reach the sky. (Rainbow) ●●● Climbs out of the water, eight tits, three p...ds (Eight-tit trip...dad) ●●● Above the knee, below the navel, the hole is large enough for a hand to fit in. (Pocket) ●●● Thunder rumbles, the bushes shake, what are they doing there? (The bear eats raspberries) ●●● Two nails fell into the water. What is the Georgian's last name? (Rusted) ●●● Two ends, two rings, and in the middle there are studs. (Victim of a maniac) ●●● Two women at the fence: one is glued, the other is sewn... What should be done with them? (Tear off the first one, flog the second one) ●●● Two backs, one head, six legs. What it is? (Man on a chair) ●●● If all the women did the splits, what would happen? (The earth will be fucked up) ●●● Grain that has passed through fire, water and copper pipes. (Moonshine) ●●● A new name for the former American president's favorite musical instrument. (Sexophone) ●●● Why do women scratch their eyes in the morning? (Because they have no eggs) ●●● The most harmful insect, the back is black, the abdomen is white, the legs are covered in manure. (Summer resident) ●●● What is the difference between a woman’s breasts and a toy railroad? (Nothing: both are created for children, and dads play with them) ●●● What do Formula 1 and sex have in common? (Pit stop - changing tires) ●●● What is the last thing that comes to mind when a beetle flies into the windshield of a moving car? (His ass) ●●● You are sitting on an airplane, there is a horse in front of you, and a car behind you. Where are you at? (On the carousel) ●●● Who is this: Are there red heels sticking out of the garden bed? (Red-heeled bed bugger) ●●● How to put a giraffe in the refrigerator? (Open the refrigerator, put the giraffe in it, close the refrigerator) ●●● How to put an elephant in the refrigerator? (Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in there, close the refrigerator) ●●● The lion called all the animals to a meeting. All showed up except one. What kind of animal is this? (It's an elephant. It's in the refrigerator, remember?) ●●● You need to cross a wide river that is infested with crocodiles. How will you do this? (Swim. After all, the crocodiles are all at a meeting with the lion) ●●● What is it: small, gray and weighs 3 kilograms? (A mouse with weight problems) ●●● What word starts with three “Gs” and ends with three “Is”? (Trigonometry) ●●● One eye, one horn, but not a rhinoceros? (A cow peeks out from around the corner) ●●● What has a head but no brain? (Cheese, onion, garlic) ●●● What is black on the outside, yellow on the inside? (Ninja Chicken) ●●● What is it: with eyes but does not see, with a beak but does not peck, with wings but does not fly? (Dead crow) ●●● What is this: in white lace, mooing and crawling on the ground? (Drunk bride) ●●● What is it: many heads, a long tail, sparkling eyes, small and dirty eggs? (The line for eggs for 90 kopecks in the 80s of the twentieth century) ●●● Doesn't bark, doesn't bite, and has the same name. (@) ●●● About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is? (Internet) ●●● Crawling downhill, running uphill. (Snot) ●●● What is: black and white, black and white, black and white? (The nun rolls head over heels down the mountain) ●●● What is it: written in black and white? (The toilet where the black man stood) ●●● Green, spotted, jumping. (Paratrooper) ●●● What kind of woman first rubs around you and then demands money? (Conductor on a tram) ●●● Which plant knows everything? (Horseradish) ●●● What is it: hanging on the wall and smelling? (Clock: the cuckoo died in it) ●●● What is it: power lies, but water runs? (The deputy is given an enema) ●●● What is it: flies and shines? (Mosquito with a golden tooth) ●●● What is this: running along the ceiling, sucking lamps? (Ceiling lamp) ●●● What is it: blue, big, with a mustache and completely stuffed with bunnies? (Trolleybus) ●●● What is this: sitting on the window, speaking French? (French) ●●● To stroke from the front, you need to lick from the back. (Postage stamp) ●●● A hunter walked past the clock tower. He took out a gun and fired. Where did he end up? (To the police) ●●● There is a pear hanging - you can’t eat it. Why? (Boxers can punch you in the face) ●●● Everyone gets a ride, but one gets fucked..a. (The husband was hit by a trolleybus) ●●● What is it: walking on the wall and playing? (A fly with a player in his ears) ●●● What is it: black - on one leg? (One-legged black man) ●●● What is: black - on two legs? (Two one-legged blacks) ●●● What is: black - on three legs? (Piano) ●●● What is: black - on four legs? (One-legged black man at the piano) ●●● What is this black, square, hairy thing on the nightstand? (TV (fucking covered)) ●●● Why are you looking at me, undress, I’m yours. (Bed or coat rack) ●●● What is Adam's front and Eve's back? (Letter “A”) ●●● What is on a woman’s body, on a Jew’s mind, used in hockey and on the chessboard? (Combination) ●●● What is it - the color of lilac, sees backwards the same way as forwards, and jumps higher than the bell tower? (White blind horse, because lilacs are white, and the bell tower does not jump at all) ●●● What is: two ends, two rings? (Gay wedding) ●●● What is it: green, bald and jumping? (Soldier at the disco) ●●● What is it: small, green, standing on the panel? (Prostitute from another planet) ●●● What is it: a little bald guy running through the forest? (Hedgehog. Why bald? Escaped from Chernobyl) ●●● What is it: small, black, breaking into glass? (Baby in the Oven) ●●● What is it: sitting on the ceiling, chewing on a light bulb? (Ceiling Lamp Gnawer) ●●● What is it: gold coins falling from a branch? (A common occurrence in the land of fools) ●●● What is the world's kindest ghost with a motor? (Zaporozhets) ●●● What is it: the hard is inserted into the soft, and the balls dangle nearby? (Earrings) ●●● What is it - green, press the button - red? (Frog in a mixer) ●●● What is a small, white thing sucking blood? (Tampon) ●●● What is it - small, white, flies and buzzes? With the letter B. (Fly. Why with B? Because it’s blonde) ●●● What is it - sitting on a tree, black and croaking? With the letter Sh. (Crow. Why with Sh? Because she pretended to be a hose) ●●● What is: 90/60/90? (Speed with a traffic cop) ●●● What is it: hanging on the wall and crying? (Climber) ●●● What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands are doing it. (Phone sex) ●●● What is: there is a head, there is no head, there is a head, there is no head? (The lame man behind the fence) ●●● What is it: two bellies, four ears? (Cat wedding) ●●● The black dog doesn’t bark, doesn’t bite, and doesn’t let him into the house. (A dead black dog blocking the entrance to the house) ●●● Four brothers stand under one roof. (Mafia) ●●● What kind of blacksmiths forge in the forest? (Who the hell knows!) ●●● What can you get off a naked secretary? (Naked boss) ●●● What needs to be done to keep four guys in one boot? (Take off each person's boot) ●●● What can't you eat for breakfast? (Lunch and dinner) ●●● What do snow and grass have in common? (The tank rushes through the snow and grass at the same speed) ●●● Remember it a little, it will be as hard as a potato. (Snowball) ●●● Which fellow is dripping from the end in the morning? (Samovar or Water tap) ●●● The more there are, the less weight. What is this? (Holes) ●●● How does day and night end? (Soft sign) ●●● How is a horse different from a needle? (First you sit on a needle, then you jump, and first you jump on a horse, then you sit) ●●● What is the difference between a young bachelor and an old one? (A young bachelor cleans up his house to invite a woman, and an old bachelor invites a woman into his house to clean up) ●●● What is the difference between a teacher and a pedophile? (The pedophile truly loves children) ●●● How is the first floor different from the ninth? (From the first floor you will fall: “Boom!” - A-ah!” And from the ninth, “A-ah! - Bang!”) ●●● How is a person different from a steam locomotive? (The locomotive first whistles, then starts moving, and the man first starts moving, and then walks and whistles) ●●● A three-letter word that every man is afraid of? (More!) ●●● Arithmetic mean between a bicycle and a motorcycle? (Moped) ●●● A hundred clothes and all without fasteners. (Bum) ●●● A woman is standing on the floor, her hole slightly open. (Stove) ●●● Ivashka stands on one leg. (Disabled person) ●●● A cow stands - the hole is ready, a bull comes into the hole - poke. (Lock and key) ●●● Stop log in case of emergency braking. (Pillar) ●●● Quietly he came up from behind, stuck it in twice and walked away. (Slippers) ●●● Now hanging, now standing, now cold, now hot. (Shower) ●●● Back and forth - back: it’s nice for you and me. (Swing) ●●● With claws, not a bird, flies and swears. (Electrician) ●●● With onions and eggs, but not a pie? (Robin Hood) ●●● With scales - but not a fish, with p..d. - but not a woman, with wings - but not a bird. (Scaly p...covered) ●●● The scarlet sugar itself, the caftan is green velvet. (Negative on color film, capturing the “new Russian”) ●●● Black on top, red inside. The way you put it in, it’s so wonderful. (Galoshes) ●●● Earrings for simpletons. (Noodles) ●●● How many peas can fit into one glass? (Not at all, because peas don't move) ●●● How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? (None. This is a hardware problem, programmers cannot solve them) ●●● How many eggs can a woman hold in one hand? (Both) ●●● Three turtles are crawling along the plane. One says: there are no turtles in front of me, but two are crawling behind me. Another says: there is one turtle in front of me and one behind me. The remaining one says: two turtles are crawling in front of me and two behind me. Question: In what case can this happen? (Answer: in case the third turtle is pi...it) ●●● They buried a prostitute and wrote on the tombstone: “Now they will always be together.” Who are they? (Legs) ●●● Why do girls in Paris wear red hair? (On the ground) ●●● Why is it warm for women in stockings in winter, but cold for men in jeans? (Because men's heaters are f...d, and women's heaters are f...d) ●●● Why did Lenin wear boots, and Stalin wear boots? (On the ground) ●●● Why does the priest buy a hat? (Because they don’t give it for free) ●●● Why don’t elephants fly? (By air) ●●● Why do people wear hats? (Because she doesn’t walk on her own) ●●● A multi-colored rocker hung over the river. (Sign of incipient madness) ●●● Doesn’t bark, doesn’t bite, and doesn’t let him into the house. (The wife does not let her drunken husband in) ●●● It’s not a rooster, but it’s crowing, it’s not a grandfather, but a grandmother, who is it? (Philip Kirkorov) ●●● Not a horseradish, not a carrot - a red head. (Pioneer in a cap) ●●● He left his grandfather, and left his grandmother... (Sex) ●●● He nourishes in the fall, warms in the winter, cheers in the spring, cools in the summer. (Vodka) ●●● Above the knee, below the navel - what do they put in what is their name? (Pocket) ●●● Under which tree does the hare sit when it rains? (Under the wet) ●●● Between the legs dangling on the “X” is called. (Trunk or tail) ●●● Dangles between your legs, stinks and screams? (Motorcycle) ●●● Can a man marry his widow's sister? (No) ●●● Can an ostrich call itself a bird? (No, he can’t talk) ●●● Wrinkled Titus amuses the whole village. (Lack of youth in rural areas) ●●● The letter “X” is called, “P” will see rise. (The trunk takes food) ●●● It’s hanging on a rope, it’s called “Z”. (Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya) ●●● What question will no one ever answer “Yes” to? (Sleeping person to the question: “Are you sleeping?”) ●●● Name a word that has 40 vowels. (Magpie (forty “A”)) ●●● Lying on her back - no one needs her. Lean it against the wall - it will come in handy. (Staircase) ●●● A hippopotamus flew across the sky, and a hunter with a gun ran along the ground after him. The hunter fired and the hippo fell on him. Who is still alive? (Elephant, because he flew out later) ●●● Small wrinkled, every woman has it. (Highlight) ●●● Small, yellow, poking around in the ground. (The Vietnamese is looking for a mine) ●●● A small, yellow one is tumbling in the sky. (Found!!!) ●●● Small, yellow, he opens the door. (Bruce Lee) ●●● Small, gray, looks like an elephant. (Baby Elephant) ●●● A small, yellow one lies under the bed, it starts with “Z”. (Kopek. Why on “Z”? It rolled) ●●● A boy and a girl were doing something in the grass on “E”. (Eating strawberries) ●●● When is a person in a room without a head? (When he puts her out of the window onto the street) ●●● Cross-eyed, small, in a white fur coat, in felt boots? (Chukchi Santa Claus) ●●● Red head - works smartly. (Woodpecker) ●●● Who doesn’t get their hair wet in the pouring rain? (Bald) ●●● Who is: six wings, seven heads? (Six-winged seven..y) ●●● Where does the chicken go when it crosses the road? (To the other side of the road) ●●● How can you walk while sitting? (In the toilet - on the toilet) ●●● How good it is for you and me, I’m under you, and you’re on top of me. (Hedgehog carries an apple) ●●● Which country is the most armed? (Israel, everyone there carries sawn-off shotguns) ●●● Which wheel does not spin when making a right turn? (Spare) ●●● Which word always sounds wrong? (The word “wrong”) ●●● What three-letter word is now most often written on the walls of toilets in schools and universities? (You yourself are a dick! The correct answer is www!) ●●● When the goat turns seven years old, what happens next? (The eighth will go) ●●● Two turtles (male and female) walk lovingly along the shore holding each other’s paws. After an hour, only the male returns. Where is the female? (It stayed there - he forgot to turn it over) ●●● The two men are on opposite sides of the earth. One walks on a tightrope over a cliff, and another gets a blow job from a 70-year-old woman. Both men have the same thought. Which? (Don't look down) ●●● Pet, starts with a "t". (Cockroach) ●●● Pet, starts with “d”. (Two cockroaches) ●●● Pet, starts with “y”. (There is one cockroach) ●●● Buratino, Malvina, an honest customs officer and a filthy cop are traveling in the compartment. They play cards, there is a lot of money in the bank, the train enters a tunnel. After leaving the tunnel, the money disappeared. Who stole the money? (The cop is filthy, because the first three do not exist in nature) ●●● If it weren’t for grandma’s shaggy hair, grandpa’s beaters would be frozen. (Mittens) ●●● A bald hedgehog is walking - how old is he? (18 - he is drafted into the army) ●●● What kind of dishes can you not eat anything from? (From empty) ●●● Mustache, striped. (Mattress) ●●● What is it: enters dry, comes out wet, gives warmth and joy? (Tea bag) ●●● What elongates when you pick it up, pass it between your breasts, and insert it into a hole? (Seat belt) ●●● What should you do when you see a green man? (Crossing the street) ●●● What is it - from three letters, it goes into one ear and comes out of the other? (Crowbar) ●●● Everyone is fucked, but one has a ride. (Husband is on a business trip.) ●●● Everyone has a ride, but one is fucked. (The husband was hit by a trolleybus.) ●●● Everyone is fucked, no one rides. (The trolleybus fell off the bridge.) ●●● How many blacks does it take to bury a person? (Five. Four carry the coffin, and the fifth walks in front with a tape recorder.) ●●● About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is? (Internet.) ●●● What can't you eat for breakfast? (Lunch and dinner.) ●●● Jumps smartly and eats carrots? (Bubka is on a diet.) ●●● It’s not a rooster, but it’s singing, it’s not a grandfather, but a grandmother, who is it? (Philip Kirkorov.) ●●● One wheel with a thousand wings - what is it? (A wheelbarrow with manure.) ●●● Red, long, 21? (Tram.) ●●● What is blue gold? (My beloved wife got drunk.) What is excited by Koch's wand? (1. tuberculosis; 2. Koch’s wife.) ●●● What unites burnt bread, a drowned man and a pregnant woman? (We didn’t have time to pull it out...) Two rings, two ends... (A very sophisticated New Russian.) ●●● Where does the snow woman come from? (From ZIMBABwe.) ●●● Which social group has periods twice a year? (Students.) ●●● There is water all around, and in the middle there is law. What it is? (The prosecutor is bathing.) ●●● Why do you go to bed when you want to sleep? (On the floor.) ●●● What kind of blacksmiths forge in the forest? (Who knows!) ●●● Dry-wedge, wet-wedge? (Wet wedge, damn it!) ●●● The goose barked all over Rus'. (Swan.) ●●● When a woman raises her leg, what do you see? Five letters, starts with P and ends with A. (Heel.) ●●● How fast must a dog run without hearing the clink of a frying pan tied to its tail? (The dog must stand. This task in the company is immediately identified by the physicist: the physicist answers that it needs to run at supersonic speed.) ●●● The letter X. is called, P. will see rises. (The trunk takes food.) ●●● Either hanging, or standing, or cold, or hot. (Shower.) ●ope of the boy fell from 4 steps and broke his leg. How many legs will a boy break if he falls down 40 steps? (Just one, because the second is already broken for him.) ● Mya Annex, who is small, lives in the ground, begins on “Sh”? (Shchervychka.) ●opefully why the pop boughts bought a hat? (Because they are not given it for nothing.) ●opefully what is common between money and the coffin? (Both are first chained, and then let them down.) ●fully How many babies will fit in a double carriage? (And this, depending on how to chop ...) ●opefully what is: hangs on the wall and cries? (Climber.) ●opely what is: first white, then in-and-hiking, and red? (A neighbor’s podellak in a mixer.) ●opeing on a rope hangs, “Z” is called. (Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya.) ●opefully who will get to the refrigerator faster - mouse or elephant? (Mouse. She will arrive on the bicycle.) ●fully how to find out if there is a mouse in the refrigerator without opening it? (The refrigerator should have a bicycle.) ●opefully winter, forest, everything is covered with snow. On a large icy stump lies a crushed member. What is this? (Winter came at the end.) ●ope of the Ear, we are remote guys, we climb into the gaps of the gap. (Cockroaches.) ●opefully what is - 100 xyev and one rope? (Burglaki on the Volga.) ●opefully what is - 100 ropes and one xy? (Paratrooper.) ●opefully what is 100xyev and 100 ropes? (Burlaki on parachutes.) ●opely what is it: is running around the ceiling, does the lamps suck? (Ceiling lamp.) ●opefully what is: two ends, two rings? (Gaevsky wedding.) ●opefully why Lenin went in boots, and Stalin in boots? (On the ground.) ●opefully, it consists of three letters, it begins on “x” when it works when it ends, it bows. (Choir.) ●opefully who does not shoot and does not give others? (Alexander Matrosov.) ●opeing a pear - you can’t eat. (Alien pear.) (Option: Aunt Grunya hanged herself.) ●fully crawls, crawls - the stone will eat. He crawls again, crawls - the stone will eat. What it is? (Stone -groove.) ●opeing crawls, crawls - the tree will eat. He crawls again, crawls - the tree will eat. What it is? (Stone -more. He eats trees.) ●opeing two backs, one head, six legs. What it is? (Man in a chair.) ●opeing back and forth, is a good thing: I am pleased to you and I am pleased. (Swing.) ●opefully What is the difference between a tomato tractor? (The tomato is red, and in the tractor the door opens out.) ●opely what is this: sits on the window, speaks French? (French.) ●opefully, is it possible to kill a mother -in -law with cotton wool? (Yes, if you wrap the iron in it.) ●opefully what is easier to unload - a dump truck with bricks or babies? (With babies - since they can be unloaded with a pitchfork ...) ● theaory, pink, on the glass is beating ... (baby in the oven) ●opeing is green and flies? (This is a flying green tomato.) ●opefully what is black and crawls on the ground? (This is a shadow from flying green tomato.) ●● What is a happy ending? (Member after prick.) ●opefully what can not be done in space? (Hang out!) What is one hundred cock-one pussy? (This is a fucking, but when a hundred pussy and one dick is a fucked ... Sent Adam) ●opefully why an orgasm is needed? (In order not to go through the pre -reclamation.) ●opefully green, bald and jumps? (Disco ● ●opeing in the disco) What is 90-60-90? (Drive past the traffic cop.) ●opefully what is 60-90-60? (This is a beeping eleven -year -old girl.) ●opefully, grain, overwhelming fire, water and copper pipes. (Moonshine) ●opefully Klyatznik, anonymous writer. (Masturbation) ●opefully the new name of the favorite musical instrument of the American president. (CCOPhone) ●opefully what is in common with the diver and the cook? (Both from time to time you have to lower the eggs into the water.) ● theaory, try to calculate. You go into the tram, at the final stop, 3 people are sitting. 2 go out at the first stop and it enters 4. 3 go out at the next one and it enters 8. 3 more stops at one stop and it comes 1. Then it leaves 5 and it enters 7. It also comes out at one stop and it enters 2. Then it comes out 3 and 10 enters and 10 enters and 10 How many stops drove a tram (without looking at the text)? (6) ●opefully a plant that knows everything? (horseradish) ●● What is the difference between female legs and male? (Eggs between men's legs are the same, and there are different between the female all the time) ●opefully, what is one zero? (Bald.) ●opeing what are two zeros? (Toilet.) ●opefully what is three zeros? (Bald in the toilet.) ●opefully what is four zeros? (Two bald ones in the toilet.) ●opefully what is five zeros? (Olympiad.) ●opeing what is six zeros? (Bald at the Olympiad.) ●opefully what is seven zeros? (Olympic toilet.) ●opefully what is eight zeros? (Bald in the Olympic toilet.) ●● What is: 15 cm in length, 7 cm wide and really like women? (Banknot of $ 100.) ●opeally, in which case six children, two dogs, four adults, climbing under one umbrella, will not get wet? (If there is no rain.) ●opefully eight legs, three heads and two wings. What is this? (Vasily Ivanovich on a horse carries a chicken for lunch.) ●opeing these three TV stars are well known to each of us. The blond's name is Stepan, the name is Philip. And what is the name of the bald? (Piggy.) If you liked the vulgar riddles, we recommend reading puzzles with a catch with answers.Rules of the game “Never have I ever”
There are several ways to keep score in a game, depending on what type of game you choose.
Classic game “Never have I ever...”
This is the simplest version of the game.
- All participants sit in a circle.
- One person makes a statement such as “I have never cut my hair.”
- Participants who made the mentioned statement receive 1 point
.
Traditionally, players who have had such an experience give a brief account of the event in question. It's usually something funny or scary, but the point of the game is to hear an interesting or funny story.
