Born in the USSR. Homecoming evening 25 years later

24 February 2011, 15:00 |
blog Personally verified | Galina Zamyslova 40 chosen

Thanks to the site ETOYA.ru and your support after the article “Old Friends”, my first meeting in 25 years took place with former classmates of the last of my schools. Such mixed feelings: both the joy of meeting and the pain of recognition...

I was a little late with two more of my classmates Lena and Zhenya, whom we saw quite often and agreed to go together. Well, we agreed - it’s loud! They just dragged me, despite all the “I can’t”, “I don’t want”, “I have nothing” and “nothing”. We walked in and... I saw them, my classmates and parallel 10 “A”. We were greeted so joyfully and cheerfully that I was even confused because I was so welcome. She immediately “got it” for not appearing for 25 years.

The first impression is simply shock. I didn’t recognize any of the “ashkas” at all. And my 10 “B”... my first thought was: “Who are these old guys sitting with our girls.” The girls have matured, but haven't changed that much. And the boys... there are simply no more boys. We had to get acquainted again, only the eyes remained from those “boys” with whom we studied together 25 years ago. The curly hair has disappeared, gray hair has appeared, our boys have aged, they have aged a lot, and yet they are only 42 years old... They all got it... Afghanistan, Chechnya, this perestroika... defaults and crises, the collapse of the country. The girls didn’t drink honey either, but... A woman is a Woman, she knows how to preserve herself, no matter what, although we all got it too. But the guys... I felt sorry for them to the point of tears. All of us, born in the USSR, were taught and prepared not for the life into which we found ourselves.

Everyone talked and said some good words to each other, told: who, where and what they are doing, about children, about work, exchanged phones, looked at photos from the Last Call: “And here you are, and here I am, and Yurka is no longer here.” - died a year later, and Valyushka was in Germany..."

How I was afraid of questions! But after answering the first one: “Do you have children? How many?" They were already in shock! Then the feast began and, although not only our parallel was encountered, such bursts of laughter as from behind our table were not heard from anywhere. And they danced! Now I recognize our guys - everyone’s sense of humor remains the same, their laughter and their voices. The voice of the soloist of the school VIA Vadik was impossible not to recognize; for half the evening he sang for us those same songs of ours. The voice... all that remained of his former self... And still, the joy from the meeting was greater than the bitterness of “misrecognition” and even the fear of old age... the old age of school friends. Already when they came out to see us off, the “school boss” Andranik suddenly hugged us as we were leaving and said: “Guys, let’s meet more often... while we are alive, before we leave completely...” Many thanks to Alex biggumot, the author of the article “Meeting old friends” for this meeting.

Take care of your friends...

Photo from the author's archive

Ideal image

First of all, you should be aware of one thing. You once communicated with this person, and then broke up. And there was some reason why this happened. Why did it happen so? Probably, circumstances got in the way - moving, different plans for the future. Maybe for some reason you yourself interrupted communication. Or perhaps the object of desire did not want to continue. But there is only one conclusion from this situation: if a person burns with love, he always takes a thousand steps towards being together and turns the world upside down. And this thought should sober up from the surging fantasies. The peculiarity of the psychology of a lover is such that there are and cannot be any barriers for the one who loves: people destroy entire families and change cities in order to achieve reunification with their soulmate. Therefore, you need to understand that since you didn’t do everything possible, maybe you didn’t want it that much? There was a reason that held me back from reuniting with this person; my intuition probably did not deceive me. If you resume communication now, these traits will appear again. If that side did not want communication, then does it make sense to focus on one thing in order to suffer forever? A person who once left will again discover the reason why he left. In this state it will be easier to make a decision.

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Married, but met my first love

Choices vary greatly depending on gender and experience. Psychologists say that when a man has met his first love and surrendered to her power, he will strive to return to his family, while keeping his emotions on the side. Often public morality is stricter towards women, and they, committing the same actions, can be tormented by this. Based on psychological practice, this is characteristic of them even more so the younger they are.

A representative of the fair sex who restrained herself, who endured a lot for the sake of her family, often discovers with age that no one needed this, that men are much more selfish in this matter, and a guy, having met his first love, will be less tormented by betrayal. Usually, upon reaching the age of 40, a woman begins to live for herself and, having met her first love again, rushes into the arms of emotions and does not avoid cheating. This is a very common case in the practice of psychologists. Having looked at these cases, isn’t it better to draw conclusions for yourself and not wait a few more years to live the way you want?

Having a good family, quality relationships and strong love for her husband, a woman will not be drawn to another. If this occurs, is your husband probably not the best man in your life? The instinctive program of any woman is that she is always looking for the best, she will not be happy until the strongest is next to her. If she realized that there is a weakling next to her, she often begins to persuade herself, tries to come to an agreement with herself in order to leave everything as it is. She even inspires herself to love him. This is because women have been taught for years to adapt to the situation and endure. But this does not bring them happiness.

When that very strong man meets her way, she falls into his arms. This is her nature. And there are a lot of such cases in the practice of any psychologist. Don't you need to admit the truth to yourself and meet your desires halfway, getting rid of the weaklings? Even if the truth entails a revolution in your whole life? Everyone makes their own choice.

Female aspiration

Often, female representatives strive to meet that guy from the past, experiencing a craving to get away from the daily routine, where, within the framework of the traditional roles of wife and mother, they become too bored and cramped.

They go into dreams of those relationships where there were no burdensome obligations, and everything was light and airy, like porous chocolate.

Any person likes to feel that there is that support in life to which he can always return. But if he is always mentally in the past, living in memories, then this is direct evidence that he is afraid of the present and the future. He is trying to escape reality into his illusions.

Well, where we do not

A person's need for love is very deep. When he is filled with someone else's love, he cannot help but love himself. And this is the whole source of his strength, energy, this is his support in life. When she's gone, he languishes. This is a great danger, a direct indication that it is time to change something in life. Often in this state, after many years of meeting first love, a person gets stuck in memories of the past for many years. Forgetting that the past has already died and no longer exists. Why does someone remember the same love story for years and replay it in their head? There is only one reason: insufficient brightness of current life, unsettledness on the personal front. Even while remaining married, a person can be unhappy and dream about missed opportunities and past delights. Of course, it will seem to him that that pie in the sky was the best thing that happened to him. If it turns out that this is so, then this means that this is the best moment to turn everything around.

Emotions

At the same time, sometimes emotions simply interfere with life. Sometimes you can understand with your mind that a person is not suitable, but still have feelings for him. There is only one way out: take a deep breath and announce that you are leaving. Enjoy yourself in this moment of taking a strong and decisive step. A week of black emptiness, subject to cutting off all contacts with a person, will result in a feeling of deep self-esteem, which will then manifest itself in new successes on the personal front. And most importantly, there will be internal freedom to leave the relationship at any time, whatever it may be. The realization that he has the power to leave anyone, at any time, makes a person self-sufficient and damn attractive. Isn't this a wonderful price for that pain?

The man is married and met her

As for men, after many years of meeting their first love and giving in to their feelings, most often in the depths of their souls they remember that they have a family. Receiving an even life with loved ones on two sides of the scale and a mistress on the other, they continue to balance, but are in no hurry to leave their wife. There is comfort in the family, and the presence of new feelings on the side only awakens in them the personality of a lover, which adds spice to relationships with women. If your husband has met his first love, you should not expect that he will want to exchange his family for her just like that. It is generally impossible to destroy a strong family from the outside. If it falls apart due to seemingly external forces, this is not so: it means that everything was no longer so good in it, and a crack has long appeared in the relationship between the spouses.

Therefore, the situation is somewhat different when he already experiences discomfort in the family and is thinking about leaving. If such a husband has met his first love, she may be the impetus after which he takes this step.

Sometimes it can be difficult to meet that woman from your younger years for fear of entering into competition with her current lover, who may be better than you. But everything is in your hands. And for sure, if you feel strongly in love, you will not ask such a question. You will simply go to destroy obstacles.

Second chance

Sometimes, having come a long way in his life, having changed a lot during personal crises, a person wants to find some support in the past. If he wants to meet his first love, the advice of psychologists will be clear: he needs to understand why he is drawn to safe territory, where everything has already been studied instead of new unexplored distances.

Finding those feelings again regenerates a person; it may seem that a recipe for eternal youth has been found. Even those who have everything in their life already arranged can go in search of them. It would seem that everything is there: why look for first love? For the fountain of youth!

Why are we looking for her?

The desire to relive what happened in the past can overtake anyone. One day the question may arise in your head: “Where can you meet your first love?” Is this useful?

The thing is that first feelings are part of a person’s life history. With the return to youth, a person is looking for a source of unspent energy.

Such a return confirms consistency: sometimes you need to understand that the choice was made correctly, and the relationship was completed for the better. When a question that has been tormenting for a long time is closed, a person is inspired to build new relationships in the present.

The search for first love is always nostalgia for a bygone romantic era. Many, plunging into the pool of past feelings, revive in themselves that bright personality who knew that the whole world was within her reach, and who had an incredible future ahead of her.

Only with the development of the first relationship does the idealized image of a lover give way to a real person. Usually the question “Where can you meet your first love?” are asked by those who have not had time to sufficiently know each other.

Psychologists believe that in any case, the search for this personality from the past is aimed at oneself. On a subconscious level, a person wants to return to a time when, as it seems to him, he was stronger and purer. This indicates that now his “I” is not realized.