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Once upon a time there lived Grandfather and Baba. Scene

Once upon a time there lived a Grandfather and a Grandmother Author - Evelina Pizhenko. Comic script with songs. Perfect for display on stage in honor of the Day of the Elderly, Village Day, April Fool's Day and other holidays. The action takes place in a village hut. Elderly spouses, resigned to old age, are ready to submit to illness and even laziness. Deciding that they definitely need helpers, they call in the good offices workers. However, the services turn out to be not so kind and necessary. As a result, the main characters come to the conclusion that old age will have to wait... The script is designed to last 30-35 minutes. Contains 5 musical numbers. Characters: GRANDMOTHER. She pretends to be old and weak, but in reality she is still young. GRANDFATHER. He’s also an expert at pretending to be sick, especially when he needs to chop wood. MARYA-TEMPTER, aka MARY-TEMPTER. Full-time employee of the good escort services bureau. SISTER ALENUSHKA. The office worker is not very kind. Has a goat brother. EMELYA FOR A WEEK. Conversation worker. Professional interlocutor. VARVARA KRASA – A SHARP BRAID. Too hard-working, that's why she's unmarried. And she’s unmarried because she’s hard-working. The scene is a village hut. Grandmother and grandfather are sitting on benches.. GRANDFATHER. Look, old lady, what's there behind the window? Morning or evening? GRANDMA. Are you old, what evening? The day has just started! We haven’t even eaten porridge yet! GRANDFATHER. I don't want porridge! I'm tired of it! GRANDMA. Look at him, good people! He's tired of my porridge! GRANDFATHER. I'm tired of it! Every day it’s just porridge and porridge! I want dessert! GRANDMA. What other dessert? What were you thinking, old man? GRANDFATHER. Such a dessert! Dessert! GRANDMA. Should I bake some pies? GRANDFATHER. And I'm tired of your pies! I saw this dessert on TV... It's called... (remembers) Ti...ri...mi...si... Ti...ri...mi...that's it... Ah, I remembered! Ti-ri-mi-su! GRANDMA. What kind of tirimisa is this? Never heard of it! GRANDFATHER. Oh, you village! I haven’t heard anything other than pies! This is so yummy! GRANDMA. Where can I get it for you? It's on TV! And in our general store, only “Dunka’s joy” is sold! GRANDFATHER. So go buy it! I wanted something sweet! GRANDMA. Go yourself. And my lower back was seized (he pretends to wince and holds his back). GRANDFATHER (gets up, but immediately also grabs his back, sits down again, and groans demonstratively). And I got it! What are we going to do? GRANDMA. Let's play staring contest! Who will outlook who! And whoever loses will go to hell in the general store! GRANDFATHER. The fool found it! I know your staring contest, forever like a hatchling, you won’t blink until the evening! Come on, better play cards! The fool is the messenger! GRANDMA. I know your cards! You cheat with your trump cards, but I remain a fool! GRANDFATHER. So whether you have trump cards or not, it’s all the same! Stupid! GRANDMA (menacingly). Right now I’ll hit you with a rolling pin! GRANDFATHER (conciliatory). Well, okay, okay... Come on, then we'll count. GRANDMA. Let's! (Counts). The month came out of the fog, took a knife out of his pocket... (Suddenly stops). Have you sharpened your knife? GRANDFATHER. What's the knife for? We ran out of grub anyway, except for the cereal. Cook your porridge, it doesn't need a knife! GRANDMOTHER (calmly). I keep counting! (Continues counting). I will cut, I will beat... You should go to the store! (Points to grandfather). In! You got it, so take your string bag and go to the general store! The grandfather reluctantly gets up and begins to get ready, but again pretends to grab his back. GRANDFATHER. Oh! It's entered again!.. I can't reach it! Go to the general store yourself! GRANDMOTHER (also pretending to grab her back). Oh! And I got shot! And I can't get there! Come on, grandfather, get ready! GRANDFATHER (holds his back, walks with a limp). Issho got a stabbing in my leg! Oh!.. GRANDMOTHER (also begins to limp). Ay!.. GRANDFATHER. Oh-oh-oh!.. GRANDMA. Ay-ay-ay!.. Both pretend to be lame and sick and lie down on benches. They lie in silence for a while. Then they start talking. GRANDFATHER. Listen, grandma... How are you there? GRANDMA. Yes, while I’m lying down, it’s nothing... As soon as I get up, sciatica begins! How are you, grandpa? GRANDFATHER. Similar symptoms. What are we going to do? GRANDMA. I heard that there is such an office. It's called the Good Offices Bureau. They help old people - go to the store, to the post office for pensions, to clean up the house... GRANDFATHER (feignedly groans). Oh!.. Yes, I’ll somehow crawl for the pension myself... I’ll crawl there! GRANDMA. Oh, don't make a mistake, old man! He's crawling for his pension! Yes, you gallop after her like a gray horse! Then you just start crawling, like a snake, from your stash and back! GRANDFATHER. You'll make a fortune! You will find it in the chimney too! GRANDMA. And what can’t you find if the stove is not heated again! There's no one to chop the wood! GRANDFATHER. I'm telling you, it hit me in the back! I wish I could get treatment... GRANDMOTHER. Why didn’t it go down your throat when he whipped my rub? GRANDFATHER. What kind of rubbing?! I didn’t drink any rubbing! GRANDMA. Who drank then, brownie? GRANDFATHER (scratching the top of his head). What kind of rubbing?.. The one that was in the attic? GRANDMA. In the attic! GRANDFATHER. In an old felt boot? GRANDMA. In felt boots! GRANDFATHER. Left felt boot, with a patch? GRANDMA. Yes, he’s the only one there, the felt boot! How do I know - left or right?! GRANDFATHER (stands up sharply, “rightly” indignant). So first you decide, left or right! And then make false accusations! GRANDMA. But what a waste of time? I lapped up the rub, but there was nothing to treat the tapericha with! GRANDFATHER. So, go to the store... Buy a chekushok! GRANDMA. What a joke! GRANDFATHER. So, off to the grind! Well, here’s some faq for a snack. GRANDMA. You drank, you and shkandybai. And I have radiculitis. Grandfather and Grandmother lie silently again. Finally, Grandfather can't stand it. GRANDFATHER. Hey, old man... What should we do? There are no provisions, the stove is not heated, the grinding has run out... Come on, call for services! GRANDMA. Come on! Take your phone book, call, why are you lying there? Grandfather gets up, takes out the phone book, and starts leafing through it. GRANDFATHER (searches in the directory). There is a FAQ here... Oh! I'll call you Snow Maiden... Hey, old lady, maybe we can call Snow Maiden for ourselves? GRANDMOTHER (angrily). I'll call you! I've already called, my dog! GRANDFATHER (justifies himself). So, that was a long time ago, I already forgot... GRANDMOTHER. But I didn’t forget! Oh, well, look for a service bureau, otherwise I’ll take a rolling pin!.. GRANDFATHER. Yes, I am, I am... (Finds). In! Found! Hvirma... good luck! GRANDMA. Call someone! And it’s better to have two at once, so that they can get it done faster! GRANDFATHER. Sister A-le-nush-ka and brother Iva-nush-ka. Just as ordered! GRANDMA. So dial! Or are your fingers curled? GRANDFATHER. I'm dialing! (Into the phone). Ale! What kind of services? We need sister Alyonushka... And brother Ivanushka! We wait! Music is playing. Sister Alyonushka appears on the stage with a suitcase. She joyfully throws her arms around Grandfather and Grandmother. SISTER (hugs like family, speaks enthusiastically and elatedly). Hello, sister! Hello, brother! How are you alive and well? GRANDMOTHER (to Grandfather). Look, old... And really, like relatives! (To his sister, he speaks willingly, complains). How healthy they are! Everything hurts, but my chest just burns and burns! No porridge to cook, no garden to weed! GRANDFATHER. Again - my back is jammed! I can’t chop wood! SISTER (with feigned sympathy). Burns, you say? The hour is not certain, a heart attack will happen! And you, brother, just behold, paralysis will break you! GRANDFATHER. Oh, it'll break! How it will break! I would like to chop some wood... GRANDMA. And to the store, honey, to the store! SISTER. Wait a minute with the wood! Would you rather tell me – have you written a will? GRANDMA. What do you care? SISTER. I'm so worried about you! The hour is not certain, a heart attack, paralysis... But there is no will! GRANDFATHER. So we have no one to write to! SISTER. How is this not for anyone? What about my brother and I? Most importantly, write, and we won’t leave you! GRANDMA. Why didn’t you bring your brother with you? We ordered two! A goat's bleating is heard from behind the scenes. SISTER. Yes, there he is, waiting in the yard! Sister Alyonushka sings a song. SONG OF SISTER ALENUSHKA (to the tune of “Ay-yay-yay”) 1. The years have flown by, ay-yay-yay. You're out of fashion, ah-ah-ah. There is no longer any health, Grandma, pour some cow's milk for Grandfather. Only that little grandfather, ay-ay-ay, doesn’t want milk, ay-yay-ay. He hides his stash, And the pressure jumps, Meet the ambulance tomorrow, yay-yay. Chorus: Oh, as long as you are conscious, We are still relatives, Write a will, Write it to me. The full lyrics of the song are in the full version of the script. GRANDMOTHER (to Grandfather, quietly). Oh, old man, somehow I don’t like these relatives! GRANDFATHER (just as quietly). So, we know the deal... Goats! (To my sister). So, we changed our minds! SISTER (upset). How are you alone? Heart attack, paralysis... And there’s no one to go to the store! GRANDMA. Let's go! So, go home, honey! (Pushes Sister out). And don’t forget to untie your brother from the fence! SISTER (retreats). Well, if anything, write! (Leaves). GRANDMA. Call your friend's office, old man! Hurry up! GRANDFATHER. I'm reading! Husband for an hour! GRANDMOTHER (with interest). How's that?! GRANDFATHER. No way! If I’m going to die, then call me, even for an hour, even for two! GRANDMA. Well, read on, don’t slow down! GRANDFATHER. So there are so many rooms here! (is reading). Grandchildren for an hour... GRANDMOTHER. We can't afford grandchildren for an hour! Dividing the inheritance again? Read on! GRANDFATHER. You're welcome for an hour... How's it going? Your mother... are we going to call you from the other world? GRANDMA. Fuck you! Read on, I say! GRANDFATHER. Join me for an hour... GRANDMOTHER (interested). How's that? GRANDFATHER. How how? Wash the bones of the whole village, and then fight among themselves! Reading Next! (Is reading). Mary-ya - art-kus-ni-tsa... Five hundred greens per hour... GRANDMOTHER. Five hundred green – what’s the FAQ?! GRANDFATHER. Who the hell knows. Maybe he pickles five hundred cucumbers an hour!.. Or spuds five hundred potato bushes!.. GRANDMOTHER (incredulously). At one o'clock?! GRANDFATHER. At one o'clock! She's an artist! GRANDMA. That's the deal! Oh, well, spin the device! GRANDFATHER (dials a number on the phone). Ale! So the Artisan? Urgent call! The Artificer appears on the stage. She is in a short sundress, brightly made up, and behaves provocatively. Grandfather immediately becomes interested. ARTIST (To Grandfather, languidly). Well, hello, baby! Did you call the artist? GRANDFATHER (gets dignified, forgets about his sore back). Called! GRANDMOTHER (looks sternly at Grandfather, wipes him off, speaks with suspicion). Are there any documents? ARTIST. But of course! GRANDMA. Oh, well, show me! ARTIST (takes out a certificate from under the elastic band of her fishnet stocking). Please! Agent Mary!.. (To Grandfather, with a playful smile). Do you want to rest, grandpa? GRANDFATHER (flirts). So, that's it... I'd like to tidy up the house... ARTIST (significantly). Shall we play maid? GRANDFATHER. Well, something like this! Wash the floors there (leans over, shows - as if washing the floor with his hands) ... Wipe away the dust in the attic! If you have a FAQ, I’ll send it! GRANDMOTHER (pushes grandfather, shows him her fist). Let him go to the store! And I’ll show you the maid (also leans over, imitating Grandfather)! ARTIST. So, retired citizens... You first decide what you want! My rate is hourly. GRANDMOTHER (to the Mistress). Don't interfere! GRANDFATHER (intercedes). Why don't you interfere with the FAQ?! Let him interfere! Maybe I want to see what this girl can do for us! GRANDMOTHER (runs into grandfather). Tie your lip! And I myself will figure out who is good for what! (To the Artisan). Can you build the oven? ARTIST (indignantly). What?! GRANDMA. How about churning the butter? ARTIST. Wha-oh?! GRANDMA. How about milking a cow?! ARTIST. Are you crazy, woman?! GRANDMA. What kind of artist are you, Marya?! You're a loafer! ARTIST. I am Marya the mistress. This is my work nickname. But in fact... (to Grandfather, playfully) I am Mary the Temptress! GRANDMA. How's that? Kusaissi, shtol? ARTIST. Well, I can bite... Sometimes!.. The artist sings a song. SONG OF MARYA THE ARTIST (to the tune of “Valenka”) Old grandfather, old, And like a scarlet flower. Nothing that looks bad, As long as the root doesn’t dry out! Chorus: Old, yes old, You are like a scarlet flower. The full lyrics of the song are in the full version of the script. Dear readers! If you are interested in this script and want to get the full version, then write to: [email protected] The conditions for purchasing the full version are almost symbolic. Details in personal correspondence. Thank you in advance for your attention and interest in my work! With warmth and sincere respect, Evelina Pizhenko.

If someone thinks that only young people have life in full swing and filled with interesting events, including humorous moments, then believe me, this is not so!

We bring to your attention a whole selection of interesting and entertaining scenes, where the main characters are old grandmothers with their cool, very funny situations.

Funny scenes about grandmothers are suitable for various events such as: “Older Person’s Day”, “International Women’s Day March 8”, “Grandmothers’ Day”, “April 1st – April Fool’s Day” and many others. They can also be held during the celebration of the birthday of a woman of honorable age.

Funny scene for Village Day “I’m looking for my money”

Characters in a funny scene for Village Day 2022: Girl, Fortune Teller, Godmother, Matchmaker, Neighbor, Mother-in-law, Mother-in-Law, Village Boy.

A funny skit on Village Day begins and the Guy and the Fortune Teller come onto the stage. The guy is on his knees looking for something. Slowly, wagging her waist, the Fortune Teller comes out:

- Expensive! Can I see you for a minute? - What else have you come for? There’s nothing to eat here! - Gild my pen! I’ll tell you the whole truth, what happened, what will happen, so that your heart can calm down! - Get out! Not up to you today. All sorts of people walk around here, and then the pennies disappear. - Well, if you have such a problem with money, let me tell you fortunes for free, for free! You have wealth, but because of little you cry and sob! If you lose a little money, you will lose a lot more. Do you know how to calm your heart? I'll tell you! Like gilding a pen. “When you disappear from here, my heart will calm down!”

The fortune teller leaves the stage.

There is a commercial break and a woman’s voice is heard from behind the scenes: you are seeing a funny scene on the holiday Village Day in the new year 2022. We can specially develop for you short miniatures about village life for several people for any entertainment event, which can be framed as a comic performance or a parody. The voice stops, soft background music comes on, and the performance continues.

The guy is on stage, the Neighbor comes out to Him and starts talking. “I’m looking at you, neighbor, have you lost something?” The third day you explore your yard on all fours. - Yes, I lost the money, put it in my pocket, and now it’s gone! Like a cow licked it with its tongue! - Or maybe she licked it off! Look, how many of those cows do you have! - No, I didn’t lick it, yesterday evening I collected all the manure with a pitchfork - no, and that’s all! Sorry, neighbor, I don't have time to talk to you! I’d better go to the city, yesterday I was digging potatoes with a woman, maybe the Money is there, where it fell. - Yes, maybe don’t look, it’s better to water the garden, and it will grow into a dollar! - All of you have funny things to say in this scene! And great grief for me, the money is gone!

The guy leaves the stage.

A neighbor stands on the stage looking thoughtfully at the sky. Her Kuma comes out to her from behind the scenes. - Oh, hello, Grigorievna, happy village day to you! - Howdy! Thank you. - Such a very interesting guy, my neighbor - he has four cows and a good dozen pigs. But he lost the money and has been looking for it for three days! I never found it. — Yesterday his wife complained. The whole house, he says, has been turned upside down, everything has been knocked over, the barn has been shaken up, he doesn’t eat or sleep - he’s still looking for that damned money! -Where are you coming from? - Yes, from the fair! The holiday today is Village Day. So it works! Look how many people have gathered. There are very funny rides running at this fair today! Clowns from the city came and showed funny skits. Oh, I laughed so much, I laughed so much. A lot of people came in large numbers, everyone looked at the miniatures and everyone laughed! - And you are right. I'll probably go to the fair too, maybe. I'll buy myself a new skirt!

Kuma is on stage and a Girl comes out to her (in an apron and with a milk bowl). Kuma begins his speech:

- Gossip, my dear, hello! And quit your job! It's Sunday today! - How can you give up when the farm is on your neck, huh? “We should go, gossip, to the fair, maybe we could buy something for ourselves too, and they show funny skits about our village life.” - Yes, for what, godfather? My boyfriend collects and hides all the money, collects and hides. He lost the money, there is no peace in the house for three days. And I'm just back from the fair. - Yes! - What good did you buy there? “I bought myself a red necklace and beads for Village Day, I’ll wear it to the club this evening.” - And what kind of miracle is that necklace? I've never seen anything like this. Oh, how I want to rip off such necklaces and throw them on the ground. - Well, ask your godfather, let him give you money. I remember you’ve been wearing this shirt for so many years, it’s time to buy a new one! - Yes, and my skirt is funny - a patch on a patch. People are just ashamed and have nothing to celebrate the New Year 2022 with! - Please, godfather. Let him give him money. Because this is how the best summers will fly by in this work and in these rags. - I’ll ask, by God, I’ll ask! - Ask, ask, and I’ll run.

Kuma leaves, and the Fortune Teller enters the stage.

Miniature with a Fortune Teller and a Girl: - Aunt, aunt, gild your pen! I'll tell you the whole truth. - And I would gild it if I had the money! - Yes, I know, I know your husband! Give at least something to my kids. - Here, take it, some fresh milk! (gives the Fortune Teller a jug of milk.) - Thank you very much for the milk! I’ll tell you one truth - you were poor, but you became rich, but now you are poorer than you were. But everything is in your hands - whatever you want will come true. If you want, then this will happen. - I don’t understand anything! - You'll understand! You will understand when the time comes! And thanks for the milk, I’ll return the jug!

The fortune teller leaves.

In this place you can make an advertising insert. A sweet female voice from behind the scenes says your version of the text: Your attention was attracted by a funny story about rural life, which can be shown in the form of a miniature in a club on Village Day 2022 or any other holiday.

The guy comes out and sits on the bench. The girl, his wife, begins the conversation according to the planned scenario: - Why, man, haven’t you found the money? - I didn’t find it. Find me a rope now! - Holy, holy, holy! Lord forgive me. “I’ll climb into the well, maybe I fell in there.” Because it’s not there anywhere! - Sit down and have lunch! - Give me lunch here! - Where here? On the bench? Don't make people laugh with a funny scene. Otherwise, today is a holiday - Village Day, they will walk past you from the fair, they bought new things for themselves there, they will see you with lunch on the bench, they will laugh. Sit down at the table! - I won’t sit at the table! I told you, don’t put a new tablecloth, because it’s about to get dirty. You start washing, waste soap, and you won’t buy enough. The day started off with a bang, and the Money was gone! - Forget it already. What about that money? - Yes, I forget. And add money to kopecks, and then there will be a ruble! (The guy is having lunch, sitting on a bench) - I wanted to ask you. - No money left! - You should have listened to the end! - What to listen to when there is no money! “The godfather said there’s a new necklace at the fair, red-red!” Corals. Beautiful! - Here you go. It's 2022, and I have a bad mistress! Here Money is missing, and her necklace is missing! Ugh! - Well, man, so man - he’ll hang himself for money! She said - give me money for a necklace! - I said I won’t give it to you! You'd better run into the cellar and have a good look there. Yesterday I was counting sacks of potatoes; they might have fallen out of my pocket! - Go and look for it yourself!

The guy goes backstage. Continue the humorous miniature for Village Day 2022 Kuma comes out to the Girl:

- Why, gossip, didn’t the Guy give you the money? - So what should we do? I had to play with him a little and smile peacefully! - I’ve already caressed him and quarreled - he doesn’t give money, that’s all. - What a miser. - Yes, I wanted that red necklace, I got sick of it. -Are you sick? But listen here... (whispers something in the girl’s ear. Then she lies down on the bench.) Oh, I feel bad! - Oh. Oh.. Ahhhh.

Husband comes in:

- What? What's happened? Did you find the money? - Godfather, godfather, what a penny, godfather feels bad! - Why is this being done?

Kuma and the Girl vying with each other: - Bad, very bad!

Girl: - chokes me everywhere, crushes me! Guy: - So, here you go, drink some water! (hands a mug of water. The girl drinks.) But don’t whip like that! There’s already not enough water in the well, if you lap it up like that, there won’t be enough for the cattle!

Kuma: - Aren’t you ashamed, godfather? It’s bad for your godmother, you need to call a healer, but you feel sorry for the water! - There is no money for a healer! - How will the godfather die? - Just let him try, yeah. And who will milk the cow in the evening? Am I going to be a milkmaid? - We urgently need a healer! - So I tell you, godfather, there is no money! - Well, if that’s the case, then I’ll go and get it myself! - If you are such a rich godfather that you have extra money, then lead quickly.

Kuma goes backstage and there is a moment for another commercial break. And a female voice will only tell us that the new holiday is Village Day in 2022, the text you see is suitable for display in any club and funny parades life in the village. A funny conversation between fellow villagers is the best topic for a speech to amuse adult men and women.

The girl lies in a funny pose on a bench. The guy is sitting at the table - her husband, ready to continue playing his role in a funny scene for Village Day 2022. The Neighbor comes out to them from behind the scenes and a new action begins. The conversation begins with a new, released artist - a woman.

Neighbor: - Guests in the house, guests from the house. Guy: - It's been a long, long time since I've seen you! Why did you, Neighbor, come to me? So I could call you over for lunch? Or do you want to borrow money again? No money left! - But you didn’t guess! I brought you money because I can’t watch you miss that penny for three days and run back and forth, back and forth. (The neighbor moves a penny in front of the Man’s nose, he tries to grab it, and finally succeeds.) - Thank you, thank you (says to the Woman). Do you see how the person is worried? And you are spread out here. (Girl moans)

The neighbor turns to the Girl: - Oh, I see that you, neighbor, are sick. Girl: - Oh, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Husband: - But I know - to spite me, she fell ill so that I wouldn’t look for a penny! Neighbor: - It’s good that I brought you that money, isn’t it? Guy: - Okay, okay. “Now, neighbor, you don’t even need to look for her.” - How is this not necessary? How is this not necessary?! Here I have one kopeck, but as soon as I find it, I’ll have two kopecks, and then it’s not far from a ruble. - Oh-yo-yo-oh! May your pants get wet, neighbor! Ugh!

The Guy and the Neighbor go backstage. Kuma and the Girl's Mother come in. They approach a girl lying on a bench. The Neighbor continues the funny skit on Gray Hair Day, addressing the woman moaning on the bench.

- Yes, gossips, I visited the Medicine Woman, I told her everything, she will help us! And I brought your mother, she will also help us.

Mother: - Oh, my daughter, why is your fate like this? Is this why I raised you? How did you dress the bride up with a flower?

Girl: - Don't cry, mom, don't cry. Kuma: - Let him cry, and let him scream. Sit down, mother, with your daughter.

The Neighbor comes in: “I see, Grigorievna, you seem to be planning something cunning there.” Kuma: - Yes, we want to retrain your neighbor, because you can’t be so greedy. And he doesn’t live, and he won’t let a woman live.

Neighbor: - Yes! Let me help you too. Here I’ll throw some money (he throws a coin on the ground with a joking look), see how the neighbor finds it, maybe he won’t look for it anymore.

Mother: - Sit down with us, sit down. The neighbor sits down. A guy comes in.

Mother: - Hello, my son-in-law! - Hello to you too, mom! Why are you visiting us so often! We were only there for the New Year, but today, look, it’s already Intercession. And here you are, like here. Isn't it hard for you to walk? As they say, with a dead gut and seven miles on foot!

The neighbor plays her role in a funny scene and is responsible for the mother:

- Yes, she lives three houses away from you in this village! Guy: - Yes, that’s all true, but, mom, excuse me (covers lunch with a towel, comically mimes in front of the audience), we already ate during the day. Mother: - Yes, no matter how you come, both on holidays and on weekdays - then everything is after lunch, and everything is after dinner! Look, what a disaster happened to my daughter!

Kuma: - Don't cry, grandma! Don’t cry, the healer will come now, she will help us. Godfather, what glitters in the ground? - Where ?! - And there, in the grass! - ABOUT! (Finds a coin) Found a penny! God bless! No! (looks at the coin). It's not my penny! Neighbor: How is this not yours? And whose? Guy: - What do you, neighbor, know about money? You've never had them! But I know my own pennies by sight. Mine was like the sun. This one is a little flawed. I already have this money, and the Neighbor gave me another one, and when I find mine, it will already be three kopecks. And there it’s very close to the ruble. Neighbor: - Yes, so that a miser like you can fill galoshes full of water!

The Fortune Teller comes in and the funny scene for Village Day 2022 continues.

- Can I come to your new house? The guy says according to the script for Village Day:

- Well, all I needed here was a fortune teller! - I brought a jug of milk, thank you very much! - What's happening? We drink the whey ourselves because we have no money, and it gives milk to fortune tellers! Well, come here! (Takes the jug away from the fortune teller in a humorous manner). - At least gild your pen! - I said - no money! “At least find out what’s on your mind and how to calm your heart.”

The humorous miniature about life in the village continues and the Medicine Woman comes in.

- Good evening, good people! - Good health! - Where is our patient?

Mother: - Come here. Here it is, my daughter is sick. Witch: - Is this the kind of disease you, Grigorievna, told me about?

Kuma: - Yes, yes! Exactly like that! And remember that in the evening there will be a very good magarych! The healer begins to treat, lifts first the woman’s hand and then her leg, and they weakly fall.

Witch: - Well, everything is clear. The situation is almost hopeless. Guy: -Are you crazy, auntie? Who will milk the cow before dinner? I'm not a milkmaid!

Mother-in-law and Daughter come in: “I’m in the house, and there are so many people here that there’s nowhere to go.” Hello, son! - Hello mother!

Mother-in-law: - Mom came, but mom didn’t have a chair! The guy jumps up and gives her a chair. - Sit down, mom, right here! - Oh, God, son, what’s going on in your house? Why do you have fortune tellers in your house? Neighbor: - Can’t you see it? - What is it with you, son, the girl is completely ill, so thin and yellow? - Yes, she got sick, he lay down and lies there. “Your daughter-in-law is sick, isn’t it obvious?”

The mother-in-law continues to play a role in a comic short skit on village day:

- I’m not asking you! I don’t ask people who speak languages! I’m asking my dear son! Guy: - I'm sick. Oh, I'm sick! Kuma: - Don’t you see that the woman is completely weak?

The neighbor continues the funny scene: “She was attacked.”

- Maybe she overate, huh? Last week I was so full, I lay down for three days.

Mother-in-law: - You, daughter, can lie down! You're next to your mom. And mom is the housewife! Mom has cows in the barn, and our daughter-in-law has to do everything around the house, we should remember that we picked her up from poverty and made her the mistress of the whole village!

Mother-in-law: - Yes, even in poverty, but she walked like a flower! And now look how ugly she is, walking around ragged because of your bad son! Mother-in-law: - And rightly so, because why, even though today is a holiday - Village Day, why dress up in 2022? She's already married! Outfits cost money, it’s better to spend them on farming. It’s better to buy a fifth cow and three more piglets. Is mom telling the truth, son?

Guy: - The truth, mom, the truth! I would listen to you and listen! Mother-in-law: - Mom won’t say anything bad. Neighbor: - Those who want to surprise everyone need outfits! My mother bought me red beads at the market today! The girl stood up for a moment: “Beads?” Red?

The girl falls on the bench and lies in a funny position again. The healer: - We note that the patient fell right in agony! Guy: - So aren't there any cures for that disease? Mother-in-law: - Should I cook some borscht? Witch: - Medicine is powerless here! Is there really one way, I read in this medical treatise (approaches the guy) - if such a patient puts a new red necklace around his neck once, then it will help. And also a new scarf. Here is such a scarf (takes it off the Man’s Mother’s shoulders) with red flowers, it will add health to the patient!

The girl stands on the bench and sits down. Kuma: - Look, people, words alone make her feel better! Guy: - As long as I’ve been alive, I’ve never heard of such medicines! Neighbor: - So think about what to do with your daughter-in-law. What if he dies? Kuma: - Think about how your daughter-in-law will die, who will milk the cows if there is no milkmaid and the oxen need to be fed. A maid is needed, both for the pigs and for the house. Neighbor: - Such a mistress needs three healthy maids! And as soon as the three of them sit down to eat, you will quickly go around the world! I'm telling you this!

Mother-in-law: - So my daughter eats a little. So it has no power for your work. Neighbor: - So good, mom, that I eat well?

Mother-in-law continued with a short humorous miniature for Village Day 2022:

- Okay, my daughter, okay! But you won't be as fat as our new daughter-in-law.

Mother-in-law: - Fear God, matchmaker on such a holiday as Village Day! Neighbor: - don’t shut our mother’s mouth! The guy turns to his mother-in-law with a joking look: “You’re not at home!” Mother-in-law: - Yes, I can’t even say a word! Neighbor: - Make up, don’t quarrel! Kuma: - Quiet! Witch: Don't breathe! Mother-in-law: - Oh, my dear child. Oh that's it!

(The neighbor, Kuma, the Fortune Teller and the Witch Doctor try to lift the Woman lying on the bench during the performance for a funny scene.)

Guy: - So, what should we do, huh? Fortune teller: - Buy a necklace and a new scarf quickly. Today we have a big holiday - Village Day 2022, we urgently need to give my wife a gift and she will recover!

Witch: - And make a new skirt for Zhenya! Guy: - Yes, the fair is closed. Where will I get all this? Kuma: - And I looked into the water - there’s a scarf, a necklace, and a new skirt in my basket! Guy - Let's run all the things here! Kuma: - Without money, I won’t give it! Guy: - So save your godfather! Godmother, Neighbor, Medicine Woman, Fortune Teller, together: - Give me the money! Guy: - Take a break! Take a break! Everyone turned away! And you in the hall too! (takes out a bag of money from under the bench). How many?

Kuma: - Come on everyone! (takes the money from her hands, and the mother-in-law plays funny and hastily hides the bag) Neighbor: - Let’s quickly dress the patient in a necklace and a scarf! (Dressing) - Healthy beautiful Girl! - The best and youngest in the whole village!

The girl gets up in new clothes.

Neighbor: - Look! Let go! Girl: - Just like I was born!

Mother-in-law: - Just a miracle treatment! Ugh! Witch: - I declare health! Kuma: - Praise God, godfather, that your Girl is in good health! Husband: - Thank God! Witch Doctor (before Kuma): - And Magarych?

At the end of the funny scene, the guy speaks to the audience: - Thank God! (he runs and takes the money from under his mother’s feet.) My money, how I love you!

You have read the text of a cool miniature about life in the village, called “In Search of Money” for the new holiday Village Day in 2022.

Sketch No. 1 “Modern technologies in the village” about grandparents on the Day of the Elderly

Props and scenery:

Elements of rustic life: in the middle of the room there is an ordinary table-cabinet, covered with an embroidered tablecloth. There is a samovar and cups on it. In the middle there is a houseplant, for example, a violet. Round antique alarm clock. There are two laptops on the table. There are two stools nearby. There is an old rug lying near the table.

Characters:

1. Presenter (voice-over).
2. Grandfather. Dressed in old wide trousers, preferably riding breeches. A simple shirt tucked into pants. On top is a sleeveless vest. Warm socks and house slippers are on your feet. On his head is an old style cap.
3. Grandma. Dressed in a long dark dress or a long skirt and jacket. There is an apron on top. There is a scarf on my head. Warm socks and slippers are on your feet.
4. First grandson. Dressed in long shorts and a modern tank top. There's a baseball cap on his head and headphones in his ears.
5. Second grandson. Dressed in sportswear, sneakers on his feet, a bandana tied on his head.

Scene No. 1.

The room of old people living in the village. Table, stools, rug underfoot. There are two laptops on the table.

Host: In the age of high-speed Internet, even in remote villages where there are really no roads, the Internet and its technologies are even developing. Naturally, mainly among young people, but we will show how old people feel about all these innovations of progress in our sketch. So, one day the grandchildren gave their grandparents a laptop, showed them the basics of ownership, and left for the city. And the old people were left in the village with new products. Once upon a time, a grandfather and grandmother were sitting at a table, and their laptops were lying on it.

Grandfather: Oh, grandma, why did our grandchildren spend so much? What do you think this unit is for (picks it up and turns it around, looking at it)?

Grandma: Who knows (takes his own)? So tell me, how do you use yours?

Grandfather shows - he put his passport between the lid and closed it. Well, somehow my passport got wrinkled. So I pressed him like this, pressed him down and held him. He leveled out. Look, it's just like new. And you, grandma, how do you use yours?

Grandma: Oh, yes, I rub it so hard, it shines so much that I look in it like in a mirror (rubs the lid, and then looks at it). What a beauty, just look, old man.

They hug.

Grandfather: I really wanted some tea... Will you pour some, grandma? Only hot.

Grandma jumps up: Yes, of course. It's time to drink some tea.

Leaves.

Grandfather, while she’s gone, opens the laptop and quickly runs through the buttons with his fingers like a hacker.

Grandfather: So... Let's see who visited my social networks today? Yesterday I sent free gifts to so many beauties, but the messages were different.

An old woman comes in with a teapot and cups. He closes it abruptly, having previously shoved another document between the lid of the laptop.

Grandfather points to the document and says: Here, again I found the crumpled instructions for the refrigerator. I sit and stroke.

Grandma: Well, smooth, smooth, dear...

Spills tea.

Grandma: Oh, grandpa, I completely forgot the sweets for tea. Go to the kitchen and get it from the shelf. You love seagulls with sweets.

Grandfather gets up and moves in small steps to the kitchen. As soon as he disappeared from the room, the grandmother abruptly opens her laptop and, like a real computer geek, professionally types something into it.

Grandma: Soooo, let's see who wrote to me there today. There are so many suitors, it’s hard to get confused.

The grandfather comes in abruptly and the grandmother begins to frantically rub the laptop screen and look at it.

Grandfather: Yes, beauty, I have you! Gorgeous!

Grandma (in a satisfied voice): That's what everyone says.

Grandfather is puzzled: Who is all this? We have three houses left in our village... We live in one. And the other two are your friends. And they don’t have grandfathers. There is no one to praise you. There's something you're not telling me, old lady.

Grandma nervously: I’m not that old with you!

Grandfather: Who said?

The grandmother, angry, pokes his laptop in his nose, polished to a shine.

Grandma: That's what it said.

Grandfather looks into it as if into a mirror.

Grandfather: Yes, and I’m okay, it seems...

The grandmother returns from the kitchen and angrily snatches her laptop out of his hands. He goes back to the kitchen.

The grandfather, calmly lounging, opens his laptop.

Grandfather: Oops! Did you receive something in my email? Come on, come on... Some beauty wrote me a letter. We honor, we honor...

Reads the text aloud.

Hello, grandfather, I don’t have the strength, I’m sick of your Internet, so I’m forced to write an answer in writing!

Grandfather, confused and frightened: I don’t understand... Is it that my grandmother is illiterate, she writes so much text, or what?

Continues reading an email from his old lady.

Do you remember just yesterday, when we sat down to breakfast in the morning? You asked me by chance, Where did the sausage go? I am sending my advice via email. So that meat and sausage are always on the table, You need not to spend your pension, And you need to get along with me better, You need to save money, And on this evil Internet, You don’t dance around with girls! In the meantime, you are out of work... Naked tea is your limit. And for more, my friend, So that you cannot open your mouth!

The grandfather slams the laptop angrily. He takes it with him.

Grandfather: Oh, you liar! Well, wait, I'll answer you! Now I’ll type it on the street... Otherwise, I’m impatient for something out of frustration!

The grandfather leaves, the grandmother appears with her laptop. Opens it.

Grandma: It’s very interesting how he didn’t faint from surprise? Let's see what he scribbled in response!

Grandma reads an email from grandfather.

Darling, it can’t be, I don’t believe my eyes. So that you, Matryona, make friends with the Internet, Well, I don’t believe it! You are friends? It was you who was pretending, Stupidly getting lost in the buttons. For you, the remote control is the limit. Sorry if I offended you! And as for your stories, I’ll admit right away – it’s a slander! I remember, even at the registry office I took a vow of fidelity! I have never let you down, And I have not fooled you around my finger, I love you, infection, And I have never cheated!

Grandma is touched and kisses the monitor!

Grandfather enters. They hug. They sit down to drink tea. The phone rings.

Grandfather picks up the phone.

Grandfather: Ale. Grandchildren? Are you coming to us? Oh, how great! Waiting for you!

Scene No. 2.

Grandma and grandfather are fussing about, setting the table. Grandchildren appear. Hugging with old people. They sit down at the table.

First grandson: Well, how did you figure out the technology (points to laptops)?

Grandmother: Otherwise, granddaughters, of course. Look... (rubs the surface and shows) What a beauty!

The grandchildren grin and look at each other condescendingly.

Second grandson: And you, grandfather? What are you even doing with your laptop?

Grandfather: Oh, what a necessary thing, grandson! Well done with the gift! Look... (places the document and presses it with the surface). Look how it straightens! Straight ironing. How a new document is produced.

The grandchildren chuckle, get ready and leave.

Scene No. 3.

First grandson: They're funny, aren't they?

Second grandson: Yeah! Well, at least let them use laptops that way. There's nothing you can do... They're old here. They won’t understand the technology...

First grandson: Oh, I just received a letter, some kind of letter arrived (looks). Guess what, this is from grandma!

Second grandson: Come on! It can’t be... What does he write?

The first grandson reads: Put on your hat!

The second grandson also receives an email.

Second grandson: And someone wrote to me... Yes, it’s my grandfather!

First grandson: Read quickly.

The second grandson reads: And you, grandson, don’t stay out until late. Come home by 10, no more!

First grandson: Well, it can’t be!

Second grandson: That's not all (reading). And don't you dare deceive us. We have connected a location recognition program via GLONASS to you! If anything happens, we’ll find you both from underground!

All participants come out and bow to applause.

"Dramateshka" is the largest archive of children's plays in RuNet

In the village of Listopadino Honest people live They organize holidays At the end of agricultural work On a warm autumn evening Under the rustle of falling leaves They remember the past About the years that once were Here Antonovna lives Every evening at the window Drinks tea with bagels In general, the grandmother is good Intellect and a kind soul In in the neighboring hut, Semyon lives, dances beautifully, sings beautifully, the warm evening comes, autumn waves his sleeve, greets Listopadino, opens the doors wide so that you can see these dream residents. Presenter: Hello, dear viewers! Today you will see one autumn evening in the village of Listopadino. Scene 1. Two grannies are sitting in houses. One, leaning out of the window, shouts: “Antonovna, what are you doing?” — I drink tea with bagels. “Let’s go sit on a bench, it’s such a warm evening.” Yes, wear something smarter, otherwise there are so many people. Grannies come out of their houses. - Antonovna, what did you put on? “You said it yourself, dress smarter.” These are my granddaughter’s things when she comes to get dressed. Why are you dressed poorly, or what? Look how young people dress. - Yes, young people are fashionable these days. There, my beloved granddaughter, her nose is pierced like a bull’s and she calls it with some foreign word, pissing or something. The granddaughter comes out. - Yes, not piping, but piercing. - Does your head hurt or something? - No! - And my hair is smeared with brilliant green, iodine and potassium permanganate. - Yes, you are so old, this is the latest fashion. - Did you forget to put on a skirt? - How? And what's that? - I thought your belt was so wide! Here is my skirt, just like a skirt, and not a piece of fabric. - Yes, you don’t understand anything about fashion. I'll go hang out with my friends. - Semyonovna, what will she do with her friends? - Hang out or something! Host: And now the fashion competition “Autumn 2008” is being announced. You are invited... class. While the jury is evaluating the “Autumn 2008” fashion competition, we will play the “Sniper” competition with the audience. Three people are invited to the stage. The conditions of the competition are as follows: you need to place a pencil into a bottle without using your hands. - Oh, the little guys made us laugh. - Yes, they hit the bottle with a pencil. - Semyonovna, have you started renovations at home? - Where did you get this from? “Your whole wall is covered with different tapestries, can’t you choose something?” - No, Antonovna painted autumn for me, so she hung up this beauty. Presenter: Dear jury, evaluate the image of autumn performed by our competitors. - Antonovna, do you remember how fun it used to be? In the evening you go out, there are songs and dances all around, an accordion plays. Vanka walks around the village Smiling at the girls He has false teeth His mouth won’t close Nyurka walks around the village Eyes don’t open If the wind blows quietly Ears develop. Your Antonovna Tooth has been swaying for a long time, and your Semyonovna Eyebrows are crumbling. - yes, it was good. Do you remember how we danced? A couple comes out and starts dancing a waltz. - Why are you Semyonovna? We never knew such dances. - And Antonovna, I was daydreaming. A couple comes out dancing a Russian folk dance. The music continues and the grandfather comes out, dancing. - Hello young ladies! How much fun you have here. What do you use to sharpen your laces? - Yes, Kuzmich, in his youth, we remember what songs they sang and dances they staged. “You all live by memories.” We must keep up with the times. Look what I learned from my granddaughter. Dancing to modern music. - Have you lost your mind, Kuzmich? You have radiculitis. - Exactly, I forgot. He grabs his back and hobbles towards them onto the bench. - You better sit on the bench and see how the young people are having fun now. Presenter: A music competition is announced. The class is invited to the stage. While the jury is evaluating the music competition, we will again play with the audience the competition “The pear is hanging, try to eat it.” Three people are invited to the stage. The conditions of the competition are as follows: you need to bite off an apple without using your hands. The third granny comes out and carries a craft made from branches and yellow leaves. - Hello girls! Why are you so noisy? And Kuzmich - you’re here, now it’s clear why it’s so noisy here! - Hello Petrovna! What do you have in your hands? - Yes, I brought it to show you what my granddaughter gave me. He says some kind of cinders. “And I thought that you were going to burn the garbage - some dry branches and leaves.” “I also thought that my granddaughters decided to help me in the garden by collecting leaves and sawing off dry branches.” And he says that this is a work of art and it takes a long time to learn this with cinders. And I have no idea what to do with him now. “Petrovna, just like he did, put fire pits in the yard, let the chickens admire it, and in winter they might add more eggs from this art.” “And that’s right, Kuzmich, I’ll do just that, but for now I’ll sit with you and look at the young people.” Presenter: The yellow leaves are spinning and they fall into a bouquet. It contains all the delights of nature and autumn weather. The “Autumn Composition” competition is announced. - Antonovna, look, the poet is going to a local destination. - How did you dress up? - Hello grandma. - Hello Shurik. How are you doing? It’s okay, I live as I should. Only I don’t have enough money. I’d like to lend a little to warm my neck and eat some watermelon. - What did you want? Well, why are you talking about us? You're a superstar, Antonna - What is this, the oldest? Don’t count my years, it’s not good to tell girls about age. - This means a brilliant star, completely behind the times. - AAAA You're Anton superstar And there's a fire in your soul And your mouth to your ears At least sew on the strings - I'll show you the strings. What did he make up? And Semyonovna is like a bird. How her legs are shafted. Her neck is like a match. And her voice is like a titmouse’s. You Kuzmich are a simple man. Smart, slender, businesslike. Only one tooth left. Apparently you kissed Nyurka! You Yegorovna are not ancient. There is also a poem about you. - let's listen to good poetry, classics. Vedas: the “Autumn Poetry” competition is announced. The wind carries a leaf Autumn has arrived With the first cobweb Early goldfish Autumn goldfish The mistress of the field! With the new harvest, With bread - karaev, we will decorate the Upper Room We will sit at the tables And ask for Golden Autumn at the table! Autumn goldfish Be the mistress of your homes! In our village the leaves are spinning. Therefore, it’s time for us to say goodbye to everyone. We wish everyone warmth, prosperity, goodness, so that the weather in November does not drive you crazy. The village of Listopadino says to you: “Farewell!” Take care of yourself, respect others! We are residents - Anton, Semyon, Egorovna, Kuzmich, Granddaughter Don't forget! Ved: Well, all the competitions have passed, everyone is a little tired Our dear jury The word is to you, speak for yourself. Ikonnikov A. A.

Funny scene No. 2 about a grandmother and granddaughter on March 8 “Grandma’s clues”

Props and scenery:

A modern apartment, but without excess: a sofa or sofa, cushions. Coffee table next to the sofa. The girl's textbooks are on it. There is a TV nearby. Ficus is located in the corner.

Characters:

Grandmother. An intelligent woman. She is dressed in a long, formal dress and has a wig with short hair on her head. Glasses. Granddaughter. A girl of 12-13 years old. The dress is bright. Short socks, indoor slippers with closed heels

Scene No. 1.

Grandmother sits on the sofa and watches TV. Doorbell. Grandma gets up and opens it. Granddaughter enters. They hug.

Grandma: Here, my good girl! I visited my grandmother. I am very glad to see you, my dear. Come in.

Granddaughter: Oh, grandma, I’m glad to see you too. But I didn’t just come to you... Please help me figure out my lessons. It just doesn't work out for me.

Grandma: Well, let's try. What is there that you don’t understand, show me.

Grandmother and granddaughter sit down to learn homework.

Granddaughter: I just can’t solve this problem, grandma. Help!

The granddaughter opens the textbook and reads: One man went into the forest to pick mushrooms. I collected a lot of them. He walked and walked and got tired. He sees a stump standing in the middle of the clearing. The man sat down on it to rest for a while.

Assignment: answer a few questions:

1. What is the man thinking about at this moment?
2. What is the stump the man sat on thinking about?
3. What is a basket filled with mushrooms thinking about?
4. What is the spider thinking about when it sat on the tree stump before the man sat on it?

Grandmother: Oh, granddaughter, everything is so simple and clear! Well look...

• I will answer the first question this way: The man sat down on a tree stump and thought: “Why did I even go into the forest? I would sit at home, in a soft chair, and not feed mosquitoes in the forest.”
• The second question needs to be answered like this. At that moment Penek thought: “It’s so good that it was the man who sat on me. His wife will be twice as heavy!”
• To the third question, the answer is: “Finally, I was used for my intended purpose. Otherwise they folded all the dirty laundry.”
• And the answer to the fourth question is generally simple! A bug that was sleeping peacefully on a stump and the last thing it saw before it died was a mushroom picker’s butt. What could he be thinking at that moment? “The spider grandmother deceived me. She said that our spider death comes from a rolled up newspaper... This, as it turns out, is what the end of the world really looks like!”

Granddaughter: Grandma, you’re smart, it turns out you’re so smart!

Grandmother: Yes, my granddaughter is rather wise. I've seen a lot in my life.

At the end of the scene, the granddaughter and grandmother stand up and bow to applause.

Sketch No. 3 for the anniversary about two grandmothers on the bench “Store FSB”

Props and decorations: A bench near the entrance.

Characters:

1. Presenter (voice-over).
2. Grandmother Alekseevna. Dressed in a dark, long dress. A shawl is draped over the shoulders. There is a beret on the head. Knitting in hand: hook and thread.
3. Grandmother Timofeevna. Dressed in a wide skirt and jacket. On her head is a beautifully tied scarf of bright color. Knitting in hands: knitting needles and threads.

Scene No. 1.

Two grandmothers, gossiping old ladies, are sitting on a bench near the entrance. Both knit. Each has its own product.

Presenter's voice-over: Look at these two harmless old ladies. Is it true that the picture is familiar to many? Well, tell me, who doesn’t have these seemingly harmless grannies sitting near their entrance? Have you ever heard what they talk about? Only from start to finish? No, I’m not talking about fragments of phrases that every now and then fly after girls walking in short skirts, but like this, in full? We know that no. Therefore, we bring to your attention just one of the dialogues between two retired grandmothers of this “Store FSB”.

Alekseevna: Listen, Timofeevna, do you know when the sailor Verkin will return from his voyage?

Timofeevna: Wait, wait... Are you talking about her current boyfriend or her third husband?

Alekseevna: No... I’m talking about her first love. Do you remember how she returned home late thirty years ago? Did her parents scold her so much for this?

Timofeevna: But of course! Of course I remember. This is when, nine months later, she gave birth to Slavka.

Alekseevna: Yeah!

Timofeevna: Then he went away for six months, but still hasn’t returned.

Alekseevna: So she tried the whole team. And she took her husband from that team, and her new lover is also from the same place!

Timofeevna: They whispered to me that he also got married somewhere there, in Zimbabwe. Yes, more than once! Do you know what the rules are there? You can take three wives at a time.

Alekseevna: Well, yes, well, yes... Only on his salary, at best, you can support one and a half wives.

Timofeevna: No... He was promoted last year. Yes! And they gave out a bonus on New Year's Eve. True, a catch. Then they caught so many fry that all the sailors were given bonuses with them.

Alekseevna: Don’t say so. This is his greedy leadership. The fish were very small back then. So they put it in bags and gave it to the workers.

Timofeevna: Yes indeed. And he's good too! Well, send some fish to the family. So what if she already had three husbands and five lovers? She's in search.

Alekseevna: Don’t say so. He’s looking for him... I’ve already forgotten what he looks like, so he won’t stop!

Timofeevna: But of course! Is it possible to remember someone who left thirty years ago? She doesn’t even remember his first and last name!

Alekseevna: Will you really remember? So many years have passed...

Timofeevna: What is there to remember?.. Pablo Jose Diego Ruiz Tirnidat Marzabesco Filimon was his name. And the surname is also so simple, it rolls on the tongue...

Alekseevna: Yes, he is Crispiando Marmarndyuk.

Timofeevna: Exactly.

Alekseevna: Or maybe Verka didn’t search well? Why didn’t you contact his family, do you think?

Timofeevna: Nieponruklallo is another surname.

Alekseevna: It’s not clear, really. What prevented her from turning to him? He works with this, after all...

Timofeevna: Yes, it’s on the tip of your tongue. A common profession is working as a surveyor.

Timofeevna: Yes, yes. This is when in 1983, on May 23rd, he was fired from the post of coleoptelogist and was not hired as a blattopterologist yet?

Timofeevna: Just about... Why didn’t they take it, you know?

Alekseevna: Nooo.

Timofeevna: As you know, to become a blasttopter, you need to undergo practice. You need to work with cockroaches. To study them, you know... And he lost thirteen wards!

Alekseevna: What are you talking about? So, it turns out, where did Matryona Ivanovna’s overseas mutant cockroaches come from?

Timofeevna: Wait, is this from Matryona from the fourth floor of the eighteenth building, which is five blocks from us?

Alekseevna: Yes. Here, my dear, they appeared in June of 1983. Do you remember when her neighbor, a Moscow major, who was already driving the latest brand of BMW, the Rockefeller dog choked on a bone and almost died...

Timofeevna: Ah! Exactly! Was it then that the ambulance came to them with number A 798 AR? Tamarka, an abandoned woman, also worked there as a paramedic.

Alekseevna: What kind of Tamarka is this? Not the one who came from Chukotka and didn’t receive all her things by container train?

Alekseevna: She is the one. The railroad screwed up there. And then, through the court, Tamarka awarded 136 thousand 34 rubles and 09 kopecks for loss of property.

Timofeevna: How much property was lost?

Alekseevna: Well, do the math yourself: she got an iron from her mother, a new satin tablecloth, a set of frying pans. Only she deceived and attributed one to herself. Floor lamp, painted chest, antique...

Timofeevna: A chest painted with Khokhloma?

Alekseevna: He is the most...

The grandmothers continue to quietly list. The presenter's voice is heard.

Presenter's voice: Do you now understand who these old women sitting near your entrances are? This is the real Shop FSB. You can never hide anything from them!

The grandmothers stand up and bow to applause.

Did you like the anniversary scene?

Thank you very much for the script written specifically for the site “Island of Positivity”, Natalya Yuryevna Reshetnyakova. I liked the first scene better. And you?

Click on the social network buttons, it’s easy for you to do, and it’s nice for us with our namesake.

Best regards, Natalya Krasnova.