Hello, dear townspeople and rural residents! It so happens that those living in the city are often drawn to the countryside for nature, and villagers constantly dream of the benefits of civilization and large, noisy metropolises. This interesting topic will be presented to us by sketches about the village. We will also find out how people live in Russian villages today, what they dream about, and what problems worry them in connection with global changes in the world economy.
Ek, I bent it, huh? In fact, everything is simpler! The scenes are light, sincere, a little fabulous. As usual, the lyrics contain a lot of jokes and modern humor, as well as a fun and catchy musical accompaniment. I won’t delay too much with the introductory part. I’ll get straight to the point, read funny sketches about the village, put on funny performances with or without reason! Happiness to you, dear readers, and a huge ocean of smiles!
Sketch about the village for children “Golden Chicken”
The host greets the guests: Hello, dear children and dear adults! Do you remember the Russian folk tale “Ryaba Hen”?
Children : We remember, we remember...
Presenter : Well done! It is simple and very short. Once upon a time there lived a grandfather and a woman, they had a chicken, Ryaba. And then one day she laid a golden egg. But a mouse ran, waved its tail and the egg broke. Did the adults remember this old Russian fairy tale?
Adults : Yes, yes! We remembered!
Presenter : Well done! So, it turns out that this story happened in a village near Moscow, and it ended completely differently. Look!
It sounds like a beautiful melody. The lights come on on the stage, a woman, a grandfather and a chicken Ryaba are sitting at the table, and there is a large golden egg in a basket. Grandparents are happy, they pat the chicken on the head, and pour some tea with jam for her.
The presenter whispers from behind the scenes: And at this time, robbers are watching the happy family... Predatory paws drag the presenter behind the stage. The Wolf and the Fox come out to spy music, looking around.
The wolf looks out the window: Oh, how good! They sit, drink tea with raspberry jam, and rejoice (they are touched). Fox: Eh, Wolf, you’ve grown old and become sentimental. Don't look at the people, but at what's in the basket!
Wolf : There is a big egg there, and the chicken will hatch large and healthy.
Fox : Your head is stupid (gives the Wolf a slap on the head), the egg is golden, do you realize?
Wolf: No, what should we do with it?
Fox : Stupid, sell on the black market and live like kings! We’ll build a villa in the forest, buy a car, and travel abroad.
Wolf : Why? We already live well, in our native forest, in our native village (he dreamily picks a flower, sniffs it)
Fox : You don’t understand anything, old stump (slaps his friend on the head again).
The wolf is offended, the red-haired cheat takes a closer look at the prey.
Fox : Look, grandpa and grandma are already yawning, they’ll go to bed now. As soon as they fall asleep, climb out the window, grab the chicken and run into the forest. And I'm behind you...
Wolf : Why?
Lisa : And then! The hazel grouse will lay many, many golden eggs for us, all my dreams will come true!
Wolf with fear: Maybe it’s not necessary...
The fox shakes his fist, shows the chicken how to grab it and how to run. The wolf nods resignedly.
The lights on the stage go out, alarming music sounds, and the Wolf sneaks away. Suddenly you can hear the clinking of dishes, cackling, the grandmother shouting “Stop the thief!”, and shots from a gun.
The audience is tense. And at this time the lights come on on the stage, our heroes are already in the forest.
Fox , out of breath: Well, what?
The wolf, trembling with fear, shows her the golden egg.
Lisa: I knew you would fail the task. What to do with the egg now? Sell? They won’t give you much, just enough for boots. Think think…
The cheat hits herself on the forehead and nervously runs around the stage.
The wolf is scared: Are you trying to break an egg? And don't you feel sorry for the chicken?
Fox : Shut up, fool! Why do we need what's in the egg? We need gold, and not a bunch of shells, but several ingots. And your chicken...
At this time, the red-haired thief has a brilliant idea.
Fox : Chicken, chicken! Will she grow up to be a chicken? Yes! (hugs the Wolf) Brilliant, now you are this egg’s own mother, you will hatch it.
Children laugh.
Wolf confused: What? I don't know how to sit through.
Fox : Learn from the birds! And I went hunting, I’ll come back so that the chicken is already nibbling the grass. Or what do they eat? In short, take care of our golden chicken!
The Fox leaves, the Wolf looks around and sighs. Then he carefully hugs the egg and sings a lullaby. The children are singing.
For a few seconds the lights on the stage go out, and when they come back on, the Wolf is dozing, and a charming chick has already hatched from the egg.
Chicken : Oh, how beautiful this world is! (music plays, little yellow fool dances).
The wolf wakes up, the chick runs up to him: Hello, mom! (Children laugh)
Wolf : I'm not a mother!
Chick : Hello, dad! (Adults smile)
Wolf embarrassed: I'm not dad, I'm the Wolf!
Chicken : Well, daddy, why are you scaring me? (Approaches the wolf, hugs and kisses on the cheek)
The gray dad is touched, hugs the chicken, rocks it and sings a song.
And at this time, Fox appears on the stage, she is happy about the addition.
Fox in a sweet voice: What a blessing, a daughter was born. Come to me my baby, I am your mother!
The wolf protects the child: Don't come near! I won’t hurt the baby!
Fox in a whisper: Are you crazy, old man! This is my prey!
The wolf gets angry and growls, scary music sounds: Just try, touch the child! Red fluff will fly through the back streets!
The fox does not back down: Come on, give me back my golden chicken! I won’t regret even fur for my dream!
The wolf takes a fighter’s pose: Don’t come closer, I won’t regret my life for my daughter!
A catchy melody sounds and a fight begins between the predators. Children laugh.
Suddenly the chicken screams with all his might: Stop, stop!
The fighters stop and look in surprise at the brave chick.
Chicken : Don't argue or fight! After all, I’m not a Chicken, but a Cockerel!
The Fox sighs in disappointment, the Wolf hugs the Chicken. Ryaba, grandfather and woman appear on the stage. Everyone hugs joyfully and only Lisa cries bitterly.
A cheerful melody sounds and the children applaud.
Modern ditties about agriculture
COOL FUNNY DITS ABOUT LIFE IN THE VILLAGE, ABOUT SPRING AND SUMMER
New funny lyrical ditties with meaning. Funny, cheerful village laughing couplets
Why are you sad, girl, hanging your head? Read my ditties - it will become fun right away!
The girls of the whole village are delighted, pricking up their ears, when they hear them singing, Laughing ditties.
The sun is shining cheerfully, There is no reason to frown. Women walk across the field and squint at the sun.
The mushroom rain is dripping, the frogs are croaking. Women walk through the forest and sing ditties.
Summer is boring without ditties, Without funny songs - Without a catchy accordion The world is uninteresting!
I started a girl with an accordion, my eyes sparkle with love. I fell in love with the accordion player, I couldn’t hold back the brakes.
On our farm, Everything is going as it should - Labor without sloppiness is a joy, And people don’t get drunk!
Our farm has chickens, geese and bulls. Cheerful girls and cool men.
As soon as Dasha cooks the porridge, As soon as he starts chewing it - So all the pigeons in the area Start to coo.
Clouds float across the sky, reflected in the lake. And Taras came to Nyura on his bulldozer.
We walk through the village, in obscene condition, No one gives us a drink, We are offended by everyone.
Ducks swim in the fog, Ducks quack at us. And the girls and I are in the bathhouse. - It’s good in our village!
In the village, an old grandfather bought himself a moped, saddled up, pressed the gas, - We no longer have a grandfather.
Women are arguing at the well, whose man will get drunk faster. The pale girl said: “Mine already got drunk and went to bed for treatment.”
The women in the store were arguing about what to buy as a gift for Zina. A day later, Zina had two empty baskets in her hands.
Women argue at the fence about whose bazaar has the least litter. And Marusya, without a market, married Nazar.
Fedot the stove maker has bricks in his bosom. And Lyonka, apart from drunkenness, has no constancy.
Volodka the accordionist has a jacket worth three hundred rubles, a chervonets worth of pies, and a dime worth of brains.
Like Vaska, a foul-mouthed, very harmful cow. She hits him in the face with her tail, and butts all passers-by.
Like cows in the west, their bodies are very healthy. Our people, although they are dying without food, are purer in soul!
The bull walks, sways, Sighs as he goes. But I like the milkmaid, I’ll come to her at night.
Like Grandma Matryona, all the cartridges were damp, and she had to while away the whole summer without a pistol.
The village watchman expressed himself so culturally in obscene language that he rightfully earned himself Respect and fame.
My quick-eyed dear won't get off the toilet, wants to get out of the haymaking with the help of diarrhea.
Grandma fell in love with the old hog in the heat of the moment, And now, together with the hog, She doesn’t care about all the troubles.
The garden is overgrown with weeds at neighbor Glasha's. After all, she is friendly with wine, and not with hearty porridge.
For girlish depression, you shouldn't drink seduxen, Young tractor drivers are healing in a haystack!
I'm a sweet little drunk - I'll quit, I'll forget. I will give myself to the young shepherd!
How long can you kiss a shepherd in a field? I will give myself to the young tractor driver!
Vanyusha, the beekeeper, gave me love and honey. The beekeeper's caresses were incomparably sweeter than honey.
As soon as I go to the garden, I’ll dig up some horseradish. I'll shove it into Vanka's mouth for his betrayal.
Oh, my nag, my nag, Piebald mare. I harnessed you in the morning, but I forgot why!
Outside the village the bulls are charging at the cows, and in the village the men are lying around drunk.
I’ll go to the lake, find a naked woman, hug her, and gently bring her to orgasm.
There are a lot of pests in the garden. Come to me, Marusya, in secret from your parents!
Katya, in order to slaughter a pig, called me to help. Instead of this murder, We sinned with her all night!
In the swamp, a choir of frogs sang a serenade. And Katya and I are in the meadow, sweating from love.
We walk through the village, singing songs. Our girls have gone wild, - They won’t let you, even if you crack them!
We walk through the village, we suffer from desires, then we drink a bottle, then we throw ourselves at the women.
We walk through the village, We give gifts to everyone, To whom we give a light slap on the head, To whom we push into a puddle!
The wind howled, the fog swirled, the tractor driver got drunk again. He went out into the field, wet himself, and fell under a tractor.
The guys were arguing under the tree about who has the most gorgeous chick. The accordion player cried bitterly, “He, poor fellow, is an onanist.”
The women argued under the oak tree, whose man had the stronger teeth. – Zina, with all her strength: Mine bit off my tit!
The old grandfather got into trouble the other day, he caught bird flu! At night, the chicken coop - Visited, libertine!
Grandfather Semyon got drunk on wine, And fell into a burdock, When Grandma saw Grandfather, she turned gray from fear.
Grandfather Ivan was very drunk, he was attacked by dope. Instead of soup with herring I started snacking on the sole.
Grandfather has seen enough porn, And let's fool around. Village grannies - hiding in closets.
The old woman says to her grandfather: Come, dear, on Wednesday! And the old man came up with a number - He took it on Tuesday and died...
Like grandfather Kuzmich, the Soul asks for first aid. And his hangover face clearly asks for a brick.
Just like ours, at the gate, Agronomist is vomiting violently. But I wouldn’t drink, I wouldn’t feel like vomiting.
I don’t know about you, but here on the collective farm - Guys fuck girls Even in the cold!
Zootechnician Ilya Drunken is attracted to a pig, And the tipsy caretaker is insulting white goats.
The accountant fell in love with Lyuba, the accountant fell in love with Masha, and now in our village there are a lot of children.
Tyrannical Larisa ate all the rice supplies. I was dry for a month from constipation, but the mouse in the house died.
At night, the young moon was reflected in a puddle. And our Petka went to the city and became infected with lice.
Don't watch TV, the cunning Zombie Man - He will litter your brains with a muddy palette!
Ksyusha saw a bear and was very scared. I even cursed, I was so confused.
Volodka the accordion player has absolutely no brains, His skull is decorated with a bush of spreading antlers.
Milkman Vasya became sad and sighed tiredly. I milked all the cows, but the milk yield is not enough!
The cattle farmer Fyodor got up late, And is suffering from a hangover - For the third day, the collective farm bull rushes at him.
So that the bull would not get lazy, the cattleman Vasya used a trick. And when he gave the bull Viagra, he himself paid for it.
Outside the village, two bulls gored a man. - He drank too often, and pestered the cows.
Timothy, the shepherd, is excited by goats. And in winter, on New Year's Eve - Santa Claus.
A cow walked through the village and mooed for good reason - she ate three sponges in the bathhouse and was left without a tail.
The woman was swimming in the pool, and the fat catfish swam into her panties. She cannot forget His long mustache!
Pelageya walks around the village with a yoke, And her eyes are full of secret hidden meaning.
Natasha's lustful taste is not very whimsical, and therefore she is irritated as always.
Grandfather Makar walked at the wedding and ate a lot of peas. Young people kiss, And he, the rogue, farted.
Once upon a time I had mountains of gold, And a whole bucket of vodka - I would give everything, without talking, For membership in the EdRo party!
On the left is a farm, on the right is a farm, in the middle is a flooring. On the floor, Grandma Manya was treated to passion by the Groom.
There was no bull on our farm for a long time. So the cows, as a sign of protest, did not give milk.
Silver metal bullshit flew over the village. There's a lot of Unidentified crap these days!
Behind the village, by the stream, lies a nobody's girl. Well, let him lie there, since he doesn’t value himself!
The woman, sitting by the river, quietly farted out of melancholy. The man supported his wife and made the whole neighborhood fart!
Behind the outskirts is a fence, Under the fence is grandfather Yegor. He added vodka to the beer and fell into the nettles.
Semyon, a carpenter, had two workers. One ran away, the other drank himself to death, and so Semyon went broke.
I’ll feed my family with potatoes, I’ll walk around the village with an accordion. I will sing, party, dance, And I don’t give a damn about anything!
Geese wander in the corn. Chickens crawl into the garden. The old cat is lying on his belly. And people get drunk.
People are concerned about the volatility of the ruble. Brains are confused, Oh, how confused!
Leave Russia alone! Don't touch her soul! She will not be happy as long as the thief rules over her.
The fact that our people are being fooled is not new to anyone - That’s why swear words are so popular.
At dawn the rooster crows, in the evening the frogs crow. And people all over the country - Vulgar ditties.
A comic sketch about a village and a collective farm
Presenter on stage : Hello, dear inhabitants of planet Earth! Popular rumor is buzzing, young people from villages are rushing to the city, and older people, on the contrary, are moving to the village closer to the river and forest. What's happening? And there is migration of people in nature! Students go to city universities, and professors from capitals go straight to collective farms. You just can't drink education away. Lying in the hayloft, listening to the trill of a nightingale, you just want to think about the lofty, the eternal...
Country music sounds. A woman with a log on her shoulder comes onto the stage, and a man of about 50 lies on a bench and looks dreamily at the clouds.
Lady with a log: Are you slacking off again? Why did we come to the village and join the collective farm? To count flies?!
Man drawlingly: I think...
The lady puts down a log: About what? Maybe it’s about stocking up on firewood, watering the cow, giving food to the geese?
The man waves it off: Vanity of vanities! I think what would happen if there was no sky?
The woman blinks her eyes in bewilderment: What?
The man looks at the lady as if she were unreasonable: What, what! I ask what would happen if there were no sky, and what would happen?
The woman was completely confused: Nothing would have happened!
Man : Nothing would happen if there was no sky? Horror!
Woman : This is crazy! Don't fool me, get up and go to work!
Man : No, I have to think up the idea, maybe I’ll sit down for my dissertation again.
Woman : Eh, professorial soul! And I thought that in the village you would become a man.
Man : Speak in country language, I’m a man, and you’re a woman. ABOUT! The question is, would there be women if there were no sky?! The woman gets angry and grabs a pitchfork, alarming music sounds.
At this time, the chairman of the collective farm : Well, what, are you all babbling, babbling balabols?
Woman with sarcasm: Hello, we weren't expecting you! Come on in, help with the housework!
Chairman : That's what I came for! Inspire and guide! (sits next to the owner)
Man : Let's sit side by side and talk well! What's the news on the collective farm?
Chairman : Haven’t you heard about Tolik?
Man : What Tolik? Tolika-alcoholic or Tolika-melancholic?
Chairman : About Tolik the Catholic!
Man : Who has colic?
Chairman : Yes, I just came from Tolik, his colic has gotten worse.
Man in horror: Nightmare! Tolik the Catholic was tormented by colic!
Chairman : Only a small part, Tolik, a Catholic, has had colic since childhood, he’s used to it.
The interlocutors sigh, a lady with a log passes by: Here, quitters! They're sitting and gossiping again!
Man : Don't interfere, we're just getting to the point!
Chairman : What's the point?
Man : I have an insoluble question, what would happen if there were no sky?
Chairman : Oh! This is a global issue, we need to think about it!
At this time, a woman with a rag runs out onto the stage: Well, I’m telling you, home-grown philosophers!
The man stands up and sticks his chest forward: Any woman with a rag can offend a professor, but only philosophers can understand the origins of existence and create a new world!
It sounds like a cheerful melody. A woman chases men around the stage, the audience laughs and applauds.
Village ditties
Village humorous ditties about life and love
We weeded the garden, the guys had fun. It got hot, we took off our clothes, and they fell down.
My darling hovered over me in the bathhouse, whipped me fiercely with a broom, and then we had sex, he said that he was tired.
There is a bathhouse on a hill, smoke is coming from the chimney, girls, get ready for the bathhouse, climb onto the canopy.
Our tractor drivers plow in the field in the spring, And our accordion players kiss under the pine tree.
If you ask me, Why am I suffering, I earned three rubles, I don’t know what to spend it on.
My sister is beautiful, guys follow her around. One drives a car, the other walks to us in bast shoes.
A maniac climbed up to me at night, got stuck in the window, no matter how. I picked nettles and kicked his ass.
My beloved is literate, teaches people to read and write, his boots are covered in manure, and there is a burr on his butt.
I cooked an omelet, I didn’t spare eggs, so that my dear one wouldn’t lie idle at night.
Lilacs are blooming in the yard, the aroma is disturbing. My man cannot live a day without love.
The good guys don’t like me And the men don’t like me, But I run around with snot and blow bubbles.
They gave me a scarf of blue flowers, I will go to my dear one in it, to Vasya-Vasilyechka.
Oh, the relatives mumbled: She took the wrong one as her husband. Have you looked in the mirror? Admire yourself!
Oh, my mother-in-law, let me get a hangover, If it weren’t for your moonshine, I wouldn’t get married!
Eh, brother, my brother, We are stupid, they say. It's dad's fault. Apparently, he's also stupid.
Don’t look askance, women, That I live without a husband, I’ll unravel my brown hair and become a nun.
I recognize my boyfriend by his chiseled horse, I just have to put my hand in his underpants.
Gentlemen, gentlemen, Petya, Vasya and Valera, Don’t follow me, Dear Kolya is with me!
In our village the priest prays in the evenings. Because I hang out with girls all day.
There is a store in the village, Soap, nails, and gasoline, The seller is shy, There is nothing to buy.
Village ditties We sang, we tried, You will forgive us, dear ones, if we cursed!
Funny scene about village youth
Voice-over : Friends, don’t be shy, get on the dance floor! Welcome to the provincial disco!
Tender May sounds, the song “White Roses”, the disco goddess walks onto the stage with a confident gait. A girl in a tracksuit, Adidas pants tucked into fashionable high-heeled boots. There’s a purse in her hand, her nose is touching the ceiling, and next to the girl is her ugly friend.
The village women jerk funny on the spot. At this time, two eagles fly into the hall - a nimble short guy in a red sweatshirt and his friend in a cap and a stretched sweater, the second can barely stand on his feet.
Shustryak : Romakha, look, disco player, let's go, let's go, let's light it up now! Yoo-hoo!
cheerful boy is dancing, and his friend is having difficulty maintaining a vertical position.
Shustryak : Oops, look at what Barbies are! Now let's quickly hook up these queens, I'll do it now!
With a funny goose gait, the guy approaches the girls: Young lady, young lady, don’t you want to wear a beautiful T-shirt in the morning?
Scary girlfriend rudely: Go, sleep it off, stall!
The nimble fellow is not far behind: So, me and that nimble young man...
The hero does not have time to finish, because his friend Romakh loses his horizon.
The smart guy runs back to his friend: Hey, hey, don't lose face, Avatar, take a sip of beer, reincarnate.
Romakha comes to life, and the boy goes on the offensive again: Madams, can I treat you to something?
goddess looking at the ceiling: Mojito!
Guy : No, I can’t do that! Maybe we can go to karaoke?
Goddess drawlingly: Nooo!
The guy joyfully: Nishtyak, Romakha, let’s go straight to the hayloft (cackles).
The girls turn away, Roma is in nirvana, the boy is indignant: Hey, little one, why are we leading with a sting? Actually, my friend is a regional karate champion.
Romakha heard the call sign and began to wave his legs, the nimble man hurries to stop the hero: No, no, quietly, quietly! All yours! It's me Kolyan!
At this time, a slow dance is announced at the disco, and a hackneyed composition is played.
The boy hugs his friend: Well, that's it, slow guy, I'm off! Wait for me!
Kolyan approaches the goddess and hugs her waist. They slowly mark time, the girl is still staring at the ceiling.
The boy strokes the simpering woman, she closes her eyes and moves to the beat, the gentleman’s hands feel the elastic band around her waist: Oops, you’re wearing tights! (the hero is happy)
The goddess rolled her eyes, the guy kisses her on the cheek. The guys leave together into the night.
A rustic melody plays and the audience smiles and applauds.
Drunk milkmaid - a scene for the village day
This is an original production based on the hit song by Yegor Creed “Heartbreaker”.
A fashionably dressed guy with a large suitcase appears on the stage. He is talking on the phone.
Sasha : Yes, Van, I firmly decided. I will spend this summer in the village, take a break from the city, and help the elderly with housework. And I'll be back in the fall. Let's call each other. An old woman comes out to meet you.
Zina : Grandson, is that you? Oh, what wind brought you to our outback? (hugs)
Sasha : Grandma, I came to you with my grandfather for the whole summer. Eh, it's nice to be in the countryside! Fresh air, clear skies! Let's take a selfie! (takes out phone)
Zina : It will be hard for you here... (make funny faces for photos)
Sasha : I've been gone for a long time. Tell me what has changed? (takes a suitcase and goes after grandma)
Zina : Nothing, my dear, just little things. The cat lambed two months ago, Vasily Sergeevich is marrying off his second daughter, and a new family lives next door. They came from another village.
Sasha : Yes, not much. If you don't need help, I'll take a walk around the village. I remember my childhood.
Zina : Yes, of course! Run Run. I'll give you some milk. The happy guy goes for a walk. He stops near the neighbor's fence and starts carrying raspberries.
A large girl comes out wearing a headscarf and holding empty buckets.
Milkmaid : Listen, little one.
Sasha : Oh, hi. Listen, can you take a picture of me with this fence in the background?
Milkmaid : Can't I take a picture of you in the face with a bucket?
Sasha laughs: Why are you so angry? Chickens don't lay eggs?
Milkmaid : Why are you stealing my raspberries, poor fellow? Come on, get out of here! Otherwise I’ll unleash Masha on you. She had rabies when I was a child; my own mother won’t recognize you.
The neighbor proudly walks away, brushing her shoulder against the guy.
Sasha : Wow. This is what I understand, fire girl!
He hurries back to his grandmother. Runs into the house.
Sasha : Grandma! Does the milkmaid girl live next door?
Zina : Well, yes.
Sasha : She still has raspberries on the plot, right?
Zina : Yes, but what?
Sasha : And she herself is so... wow! Yes?
Zina : Grandson, don’t delay. What happened?
Sasha : What's her name? I liked her!
Zina : What a surprise. She is a lively girl and instantly turns her attention to her suitors. She's too tough for you.
Sasha : Never mind! Trying is not torture.
Zina laughs: Well, see for yourself. Call her Lyudka. Just be careful! Her dog is so angry, it wouldn’t hurt to set it on you.
Sasha : Why can’t I cope with a dog?! I’ll go, change clothes, and see Lyudka!
The chorus from the song “Heartbreaker” plays. Lyuda on stage mows the grass, weeds the garden, gives water to the cattle and wearily wipes the sweat from her forehead. As soon as the music ends, a guy appears.
Sasha : Hey, Luda! How are you? And I brought you candy! (holds out a box of expensive chocolates) The milkmaid pushes her hand away, the guy drops the sweets.
Sasha is not far behind: Lud, do you like discos? Let's go together, huh, Lud? It will be in the neighboring village on Saturday. I found out!
Luda waves it off again.
The guy takes a postcard out of his pocket: And I also wrote you a poem! Listen! A blue fire began to sweep... Forgotten distant places...
Milkmaid : Tell me, guy, are you a moron? Do you think I don’t know Yesenin’s poems?
Sasha : I didn’t say that I composed it, I just wrote it in a postcard. And so, I myself can...
The guy reaches out to hug the girl, she pushes him, he falls.
Sasha : Well, Lud, why are you doing this?
The milkmaid threatens him with a sickle: I have been Luda for twenty years! Leave me alone! Ugh!
Sasha sighs and leaves.
An old woman comes on stage : Lyudochka!
Milkmaid : Oh, Baba Zina! Has your little one lost his head?
Zina nods: Mine. He likes you. And don’t rush to dismiss it! Come and visit us. Grandfather made such moonshine, wow! Let's have a drink and relax, otherwise you've been busy with your cows all day.
Milkmaid : No, Baba Zin, I can’t.
Zina : Come on, no excuses. Come in the evening, around six o'clock.
The chorus of the song plays again. A table is brought onto the stage, a bottle (supposedly moonshine), glasses, and snacks are placed on it.
The guy dances, rejoices and waits. Luda arrives.
Sasha : Oh, you finally came! Sit down!
Milkmaid : Wait a minute, where is Baba Zina?
Sasha : Grandma? It's with the neighbors across the street. This Sergei Vasilyevich is there... That is, Vasily Sergeevich is marrying off his second daughter.
Milkmaid : Why should I sit with you all evening? Well, I do not!
Sasha : Wait, don’t go! Grandma will be upset. At least have a glass or two.
The milkmaid agrees. The young people drink, laugh, and talk to the same chorus. Then Luda begins to cry drunken tears.
Milkmaid : Oh, if only you knew how hard it is for me, my soul is burning! Feed the cows, milk the goats. The father is away from home for months, at work, the mother babysits the youngest. All the farming is on me, plus the collective farm! Eh, hopeless life...
Sasha : Lyudochka, don’t cry! (pats her on the head) You're so good, go get some sleep! Morning comes, the guy wakes up at the table from the noise of the old Cossack and the crowing of roosters.
Village guy from backstage: Damn, the door is stuck again! You'll have to climb through the window, damn it!
Footsteps are heard and a guy in sweatpants and a T-shirt appears on stage.
Gosha : Eh, Lyudochka, beauty! Where are you? Bring your cans here! (puts his foot on the bench and cleans his shoes with a brush) I miss you!
Sasha : And, excuse me, who are you?
Lyuda runs out , all disheveled, and throws herself on the guy’s neck: Gosha, he’s arrived!
Gosha : People, I don’t understand! Who is this poor fellow? I've been gone for a couple of weeks, so you've switched over to this?
Milkmaid : No! No, Gosha, what are you doing? I told him a hundred times that I don’t need him. But it stuck like a leech, honestly!
Sasha : What? I fell in love with you! I thought we could do something.
Milkmaid : No. I only love Gosha! He's my only one.
Sasha : I will still get you. And he is not a hindrance to me!
Gosha : Oh, right? Masha! (whistles, but nothing comes out) People, whistle, eh!
Luda whistles. During the chorus of the song “Heartbreaker,” a live dog runs onto the stage. A city boy and a shepherd dog are being chased around the hall. The people are shocked, the actors say goodbye to the audience.
About state farm affairs - ditties
Not so long ago in our Vyya there was a state farm with the same name “Vyysky”. They didn’t live richly, but they lived reliably. People had jobs, young people got married, multiplied, and so life would continue to flow calmly and serenely. Perestroika came and the wind of change blew our lives to smithereens. There is nothing left from the past life. There are only ruins and villages are slowly dying out. Once upon a time, on the Day of Agricultural Worker, concerts were held at the local recreation center, and in memory of these times I offer
1) About state farm affairs. Let's sing ditties. No one will like it. Cover your ears.
2).Our roads are good. Nice paths. You take one step, then you take another step. And my little legs got stuck.
3).The girls are leaving for the city. There is no one to feed the cows. They sent men. And I had to milk the cows.
4).Previously, everyone kept cows. And they prepared food. There are no cows at all these days. They don't have enough food.
5).They used to mow with scythes. And they reaped with sickles. There was hay and there was food. They kept the cattle.
6).They used to plow with horses. And they poured the grain into the barn. Now tractors are plowing. And there is not a grain in the barn.
7).The cows have no feed. And will there be food? All new products have been launched. Navoloki and meadows.
8).There are changes in ours. And life is more fun. There is an antenna on Bor. Grandmothers are watching hockey. (1990)
9).Potatoes,potatoes. What an honor for you. If only there were no potatoes. What would they eat?
10).What a fashion these days. You'll be lost with this fashion. Grandma doesn't have a ticket. You won’t even bring firewood! (during Prohibition).
11).Husbands began to drink little. Life became better for the wives. After all, for one month. And they give you one ticket.
12).Where are you going grandma? Where are you going? To get a ticket to the village council. Do not you know.
13).We have one problem. And not for the first few years. In the evening there are no lights in the village. So hang up the lanterns.
14).There is a reproach for the authorities. Mategorsky Ugor. This place needs to be visited. Urgently build a staircase.
15).Praise to you veterans. For good deeds. You built a bridge across the Vya. For many years.
16).Nowadays the children are all cheerful. They became new residents. The state farm built a garden for them. And everyone is happy about the kindergarten.
17).In autumn or spring. You can't go where you want. Because it's so dirty. You'll fall head over heels in it.
18).Nobody visits us. From a regional village. They forgot the way to us. Lecturer and doctor.
19).You will now go to the airport. Lovely thing. Purity and beauty. Respect for people.
20).Oh workers, workers. Where did everyone go? Maybe to the Vyyskaya canteen. Could you find a cook?
21).Where did the girls go? Let's go to the cities. Work on a farm. There are no working conditions.
22).The dentist is sitting in Gorka. No reception, bored. Well, in Vyya there is no doctor. The people have been suffering for a long time.
23).Our boys don’t have girls. Where did they go? Our vyyski boys. They suffered for the girls!
24).Where did grandma go? I'll go to the cities. I don't have any firewood. But it will be cold.
25).The hairdresser is not here. I should get my hair cut. Send girls to the city. We need to learn.
26).The cattlemen gave orders. It is not executed. On the farm the well is full of slurry. It hasn't been cleaned for a long time.
27).Airplanes fly. Blue sides. Girls don't go to guys. When I was young.
28).The state farm plants potatoes in the spring. Collects in autumn. Half the harvest. Leaves it in the field.
29).Soon there will be a road to us. And in the coming years. Then we'll buy cars. We will go to cities.
30).The storekeeper is baking pancakes. The accountant is buttering up. The chairman is drinking vodka. The foreman doesn't say anything.
31).Foreman, foreman. Shaggy hat. Who will bring half a liter? That's why there is a horse.
32).This is the fashion these days. You'll be lost with this fashion. If the girl is without half a liter. You won't even find a guy.
33).How tired I am. Go to the executive committee to bow. Leave the village council. The chairman is a drunkard.
34).If you want to meet. Then come to the hillock. Bring a bottle of vodka. And a snack pot.
35).There is no public bathhouse in Vyye. When it will be, I don’t understand. How long have people been visiting? Without washing it will suffer.
36).We have one problem. And not for the first few years. Collective farm cows. There isn't enough food.
37).They say cows are thin. We wouldn't say. All collective farm feed. They devoured them during the half-winter.
38).No feed, no milk yield. The bosses have no peace. We need to go to Puchuga. Buy hay for the cows.
39).We are waiting for a dentist to come to us. But it's probably all a hoax. We have been waiting for many years. And still there is no doctor.
40).There is no room for visitors. They say: later, later. And the newcomer arrives. And spends the night around the corner.
41).The village is crowded. The commission is happy. We decided on a new dining room. Build it near the kindergarten.
42).Everyone is leaving for the cities. They are abandoning their homeland. Conveniences must be created. Keep young people in the village.
42).As in the hospital, at the top. Firewood is carried on a hump. We must do it. relief. Steam heating.
43).We all want to live well. We need to change the leadership. Put in a new one. Manage all matters.
(Ditties composed in 1989, and the problems on Vyya became even greater).
