Humor in folk tales is an integral part of folklore. Funny fairy tales will help not only cheer up, but also distract from routine activities for both adults and children. In them, adults and peers of the young reader, animals and birds find themselves in ridiculous situations. In addition to laughter, these works will unobtrusively teach children the ability to dream, empathize, notice and use wordplay in their speech. Read with pleasure, laugh and rejoice with your favorite characters!
Cones
Mikhail Plyatskovsky
The puppy Yelp lay in his booth and watched as the kid Marmeladik and the calf Rogalik played. And they played like this: they would run up to a pine tree, hit the trunk with their heads as hard as they could, and the cones would fall off the branches. The one who shot down the most wins.
Tyavka couldn’t stand it, he got out of the booth and went up to his friends.
- And I want to play with you. Do you accept?
“We don’t feel sorry,” said Rogalik.
- We accept! - Marmeladik said.
The kid knocked down five cones. Calf - as many as ten.
The puppy rushed towards the pine tree - and how he moved his head along the trunk with a running start. Even sparks fell from his eyes.
- Oh? Hurt! – he whined. Then the puppy Tyavka touched his head with his paw and asked his friends:
- Please look at what jumped up on my head...
Little goat Marmeladik says to him:
- Eh, we completely forgot that you have no horns at all!
And the calf Rogalik licked the puppy with his tongue and said with a sigh:
- You have... - a bump. One, but my own... And although I have ten, they are all pine. So don't worry and don't be upset?
Cool New Year's scene “12 animals of the Eastern calendar”
Participants in this New Year's table game are given words and 12 animal masks. The presenter reads the text. The one he calls says his phrase.
Characters and lines:
- Mouse - “You can’t fool around with me!”
- Bull - “I’m warning you, I’m a muscleman!”
- Tiger - “No more games!”
- Rabbit - “I’m not an alcoholic!”
- Dragon - “My word is law!”
- Snake - “Well, of course, it’s me!”
- Horse - “The fight will be hot”
- Goat - “Everyone, of course, is in favor!”
- Monkey - “I’m definitely without a flaw!”
- Rooster - “Wow!” - I scream at the top of my lungs!
- Dog - “There’s going to be a fight here soon!”
- Pig - “As soon as I do!”
- The people (spectators) shout in unison - “Congratulations!”
Fairy tale text
There is a Japanese belief
A fairy tale, simply put:
One day the animals gathered to choose a king. The Mouse came running... (“You can’t fool around with me!”) The Dragon flew in... (“My word is the law!”) The Goat also appeared... (“Everyone, of course, is in favor!”) The Dog rushed in... (“There’s going to be a fight here soon!”) The Snake crawled… (“Well, of course, it’s me!”) The Rooster came running… (“Wow!” I scream at the top of my lungs!) The Pig came… (“As soon as it’s me! ") The Horse galloped up... ("The fight will be hot") The Tiger jumped up... ("No more games!") The Bull came galloping in... ("I'm warning you, I'm a muscleman!") The Rabbit galloped up... ("I'm not an alcoholic!") The Monkey came... (“I’m definitely without a flaw!”) When the people chanted joyfully…. (“Congratulations!”) They gathered for the New Year, They began to howl, meow, bark, Arguing and screaming until dawn: Everyone wants to rule each other, Everyone wants to become king. The Mouse said... (“You can’t fool around with me!”) The Rabbit shouted hysterically... (“I’m not an alcoholic!”) The Monkey was indignant... (“I’m certainly without a flaw!”) The Snake asserted... (“Well, of course, it’s me !”) The Dog warned everyone... (“There will soon be a fight here!”) The Bull got furious... (“I’m warning you, I’m a jock!”) The Dragon yelled at everyone... (“My word is the law!”) The Rooster crowed... (“Wow!” I’m screaming at the top of my lungs!”) The Goat bent its horns... (“Everyone, of course, is in favor!”) The Tiger growled menacingly... (“No more games!”) The Pig got scared... ... (“As soon as I do!” ) The Horse bucked... ("The fight will be hot") In general, they fought on New Year's Eve, When the people chanted joyfully... (“Congratulations!”)
And from heaven the Japanese god looked sternly at this and said: “It’s time, by God, to Stop the commotion! Stand in a friendly round dance, Let everyone rule for one year!” The Goat jumped up... ("Everyone, of course, is in favor!") The Dragon approved... ("My word is the law!") The Pig suggested... ("As soon as I do!") The Tiger also confirmed... ("No more games !”) The Rooster was delighted... (“Wow!” I scream at the top of my lungs!) The Bull warned everyone... (“I’m warning you, I’m a jock!”) The Mouse said languidly... (“You can’t fool around with me!”) The Snake boasted to everyone... (“Well, of course, it’s me!”) The Monkey answered her… (“I’m definitely without a flaw!”) The Dog sniffed… (“There will soon be a fight here!”) The Horse frowned… (“The fight will be hot”) Only the Rabbit squealed... (“I’m not an alcoholic!”) It was on New Year’s Eve, When the people were joyfully chanting... (“Congratulations!”)
Who will speak first
The old man and the old woman became so lazy that one day they argued about who should wash the pot. They decided that this would be done by the one who uttered a word first. Read with your children from the fairy tale who will lose their temper first and why. She teaches hard work, wisdom, reasonable actions, the ability to make concessions to loved ones, and condemns pride and stubbornness.
Once upon a time there lived an old man and an old woman. Lazy and lazy. They transferred all kinds of work to one another. They need to lock the hut with a hook by nightfall - they are having an argument.
- You should lock it.
- No, for you.
Unlocking it in the morning is another argument.
- Unlock it for you.
- No, for you. I locked it yesterday.
So they decided to cook porridge. After arguments and discord, the old woman cooked a pot of porridge. They sat down, ate porridge, they needed to wash the pot. The old man and the old woman began to argue again. The old woman says.
- I cooked porridge, and you need to wash the pot.
“No,” says the old man. Since you cooked, you should wash it. But I have never washed pots in my life and will never wash them.
Free improvisation “There was a Christmas tree in the snow”
Free improvisation on the poem by S. V. Mikhalkov “There was a Christmas tree in the snow.”
Participants must improvise the actions and remarks of the characters during the poem themselves!
Example:
TREE : in the first quatrain - flaunts itself, in the second quatrain - in fear with the cry “Oh-oh-oh!” closes his eyes and shakes.
THE FORESTMAN and THE FORESTMAN'S SON : like bandits, they burst onto the stage, banging firecrackers with confetti and streamers. YOLOCHKA with her eyes closed shakes even more, imagining that this is shooting from pistols. THE FOREST MAN and THE FOREST MAN'S SON decorate the TREE - they hang tinsel on it and give them balls. YOLOCHKA shouts: “Mommies, is this a bomb or a grenade?!” Then, opening her eyes, YOLOCHKA notices that she is dressed up, sighs with relief and rejoices.
Text:
There was a Christmas tree in the snow - a little green fringe, resinous, healthy, one and a half meters high.
An event occurred One winter day: The forester decided to cut it down! - So it seemed to her.
She was noticed, was surrounded... And only late in the evening did she come to her senses.
What a strange feeling! Fear has disappeared somewhere... Glass lanterns are burning in its branches.
Jewelry sparkles - What an elegant look! At the same time, without a doubt, She is standing in the forest.
Not cut down! Whole! Beautiful and strong!.. Who saved her, who undressed her? Forester's son!
Lord of Lords (English fairy tale)
One girl was hired to serve an eccentric elderly gentleman. He asks her:
- What will you call me?
“Master, or master, or whatever you wish, sir,” the girl answers.
“You should call me “lord of lords.” What would you call it? he asks, pointing to his bed.
- Bed, or bed, or whatever you like, sir.
“You should call it a “vacation retreat.” And this? - asks the gentleman, pointing to his drawers.
- Pants, or trousers, or whatever you like, sir.
“You should call them “fanfare headlights.” And this? he asks, pointing to the cat.
- Cat, or kitty, or whatever you like, sir.
“You should call her “Felicia Whiteface.” What would you call it? he asks, pointing to the water.
- Water, or moisture, or whatever you like, sir.
“You should call it “wet mundia.”
And this? - he points to the fire.
- Fire, or flame, or whatever you like, sir.
“You should call it “red rooster.” And this?” he points to his house.
- House, or mansion, or whatever you like, sir.
- You should call it “the vastness of heaven.”
That same night, the owner is awakened by the frightened cry of the maid:
- Lord of lords! Get off your resting place quickly and put on your headlights and fanfare! White-faced Felicia knocked over the candle, so that if you don’t run after Mocromundia right now, the red rooster will burn your entire mass under heaven.
Short skit for New Year 2022 “A movie is being made”
Raise your hands those who dream of becoming an artist, who want to act in films. Now, right here, without leaving the spot, a film will be shot in which you are assigned to play the main roles. You see these cameras, you have cards in your hands. The cards indicate what your role is. I will read the script, name the characters who have this role indicated on their card - welcome to the stage! The jury will choose the best artist. So: camera, motor, let's start!
He reads, calling one participant in the production at a time and forcing them to “get into character.”
So, the artists received cards with the characters in our impromptu performance, which we will film on camera. They learn what needs to be done only on stage and must immediately perform it.
Characters:
- Grandfather
- Horse
- Sled
- Wind
- Wolves
- Owl
- Lonely Doe
- Bunnies
- Stump
- Christmas trees
Text
Attention! Camera, motor, started:
One day, GRANDFATHER harnessed a HORSE to a SLED and went into the forest to pick up a Christmas tree. I went into the forest. And in the forest: the WIND is rustling, WOLVES are howling, an OWL is screaming. A LONELY DOE ran by. The BUNNIES jumped out into the clearing and began drumming on the STUMP. GRANDFATHER arrived in the clearing, the HARES got scared and ran away. Grandfather sat down on a stump and looked around. And all around - FIR-trees are growing. GRANDFATHER approached the first Christmas tree and touched it. He didn't like the Christmas tree.
He walked up to the other one. I touched it and liked it, touched it again and really liked it. I touched it more carefully, and it’s not a FIR-RESRING tree at all, but an oak tree. Grandfather spat and went to the third Christmas tree. He touched it, shook it - like a Christmas tree! GRANDFATHER swung his ax, and lo and behold, there was no ax! Then Grandfather swung just like that. The FIR-tree begged: “Don’t cut me down, old man, I won’t be of any use to you. Because everything, as it is, is sick, the trunk has scoliosis, the needles have fallen out, the legs are crooked. GRANDFATHER obeyed and went to the fourth FIR-tree. I touched the trunk - it was straight, I touched the needles - the needles were good, I looked at the legs - they were straight. Just right Christmas tree! GRANDFATHER swung, and the FIR-tree asked him: “WHAT are you waving, old man? Pull by the roots!” GRANDFATHER grabbed the Christmas tree, pulled and pulled, but couldn’t pull it out.
The HARES saw this and decided to help GRANDFATHER. They pull, they pull, but they cannot pull. THE HARES called the WOLVES. They pull, they pull, but they cannot pull. They called the WOLVES Owl. An OWL has arrived. They pull, they pull, but they cannot pull. Then they called the LONELY DOE to help. They pull, they pull, but they cannot pull. And then everyone called the WIND. The WIND came to the rescue. Then they all grabbed the Christmas tree together, Grandfather grabbed the Christmas tree; HARNES for GRANDFATHER; WOLVES for HARES; Owl for WOLVES; A LONELY DOE followed an OWL and the WIND blew. Yes, in the wrong direction, the WIND blew from the other direction! The WIND blew once, the WIND blew two, the WIND blew three, and they pulled out the FIR-TREE and loaded it onto the SLED. GRANDFATHER got on his SLED and drove off to celebrate the New Year.
Stop. Removed. Thanks to all! Shake hands.
Owl wise little head
Once upon a time there lived not a tsar-prince, not a king-prince, not a sage and not a wizard, not a magician and not a hermit, not a nobleman and not a nobleman, not a cautious politician, not a minister, not a military man, not an arrogant official, not a fat merchant , not a mellifluous singer, not a doctor or a healer, in a word - just a plowman, a daring peasant named Burachok. And he had a mind that was not royal, and not noble, and not lordly, but, as they say, the most peasant mind.
Once Burachok was in town, went to the market and bought a goggle-eyed owl there for a few pennies as a gift for his son. He walked with her back to his village. By evening Burachok was tired and began to think about spending the night. He looks: there is a light in the hut nearby. “Let me take a look there,” he thinks. Maybe good people will let you spend the night.”
He goes to the window and sees: on a table covered with a white tablecloth, there is a pie, fluffy and ruddy, just asking to be put into your mouth, and next to it is a roast goose and a bottle of honey. A fat young woman is sitting on a bench, knitting mittens, singing songs, waiting for her husband.
“You can’t say anything - the dinner is suitable!” - thought Burachok and knocked on the window: knock-knock!
- Who's there? Is that you, Metek?
- Let the passerby warm up, beauty.
The hostess began to fuss, running around the hut: in an instant the pie flew from the table into the kneading bowl, a bottle of honey into the chest, and a roast goose into the oven.
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Parodies of fairy tales
Parodies of fairy tales
Sister Alyonushka and brother Ivanushka
Once upon a time there lived a sister Alyonushka and a brother Ivanushka. Alyonushka was smart and hard-working, and Ivanushka was an alcoholic. How many times did his sister tell him: “Don’t drink, Ivanushka, you’ll become a little goat!” But Ivanushka did not listen and drank. One day he bought burnt vodka at a kiosk, drank it, and felt like he couldn’t stand on two legs anymore, he had to drop down to four points. And then the shameful wolves come up to him and say: “Well, you goat, have you finished drinking?” And they kicked him so hard on the horns that he threw off his hooves. And his sister Alyonushka got his apartment, because good always triumphs over evil!
Arabic folk tale "Ilyich and Aladdin"
In some sultanate, in some emirate, there lived Aladdin. He once found an old lamp in a landfill and decided to clean it. I just started rubbing when the genie came out of the lamp, and let’s make your wishes come true. Well, Aladdin, of course, ordered a palace for himself, to marry a princess, a six hundredth magic carpet and all that. In short, since then all Aladdin’s problems have become a problem. Just a touch and the genie dictates the terms. And then one day he went on a cruise and left his wife at home. And then a man walks down the street and shouts: “I’m changing old lamps for new ones!” Well, the wife was delighted and replaced Aladdin’s lamp with Ilyich’s lamp. And no matter how much Aladdin rubbed this light bulb, Ilyich did not get out of there and did not fulfill his desire. This is how technological progress defeated backward Asian superstitions.
A joint French-Russian tale of patriotism
Father Dubois had three sons: the eldest Jacques, the middle Jules and the youngest Jean the Fool. The time has come for them to get married. They went out onto the Champs Elysees and began to shoot in different directions. Jacques hit a member of the National Assembly, but he was already married. Jules became a priest, but religion does not allow him to marry. And Jean the Fool hit the frog, and in fact, he didn’t hit that one, but missed. The frog tried to explain to him in Russian that she was actually a princess, and turned into a frog so as not to have to stand at the embassy for a visa, but Jean was French and did not understand the Russian language. He prepared a frog according to an old recipe and became a chef in a Parisian restaurant. Moral: sit, girls, in your native swamp and don’t croak. You have nothing to do on the Champs Elysees. And we have enough fools even at home.
About the tail
A fox once stole a whole cartload of fish from a man. He sits and eats. And a hungry wolf comes out of the forest. “Fox, give me some fish!” “Go and catch it yourself,” the fox answers. "But as? I don’t even have a fishing rod,” says the wolf. “I don’t have one either,” said the fox, “but I threw my tail into the hole, so I caught it.” “Thanks for the idea!” — the wolf was delighted, tore off the fox’s tail and went fishing.
Seaside folk tale about the Old Man and the Goldfish
An old man lived with his old woman by the very blue sea. The old man threw a net into the sea, the net came, and there was a pike. "What the heck? - the old man was surprised. - Looks like there should be a goldfish. I’m not Emelya, after all.” “Everything is correct,” answered the pike. — The goldfish and I worked for a long time in the same sector of the market. And recently, at the board of directors, an agreement was reached on the takeover of one enterprise by another.” And the pike burped satiatedly.
A Moscow region folk tale about incorrect personnel policies
Once upon a time there was a priest with a thick forehead. He had his own business, his own clientele, and there was only one assistant, and he was a fool. But nothing, the priest managed. Moreover, the assistant worked for a long time literally for nothing - well, stupid, whatever you say. However, even the fool’s patience ran out. “Master,” he says, “when are you going to pay?” And the priest answers him: “Go to hell!” Well, the bastard went. And he sold all the priest’s trade secrets to the devil. The devil then lured away all the priest’s clients, and he went bankrupt. And it serves him right. Because you need to pay your staff on time, and not wait until they slap you on the forehead.
St. Petersburg folk tale about a smart old woman
A soldier was walking home from service. He knocked on the way to one house. “Let me in,” he says, “to spend the night, masters.” And in the house lived a greedy old woman. “Sleep over,” she said, “but I don’t have anything to treat you with.” “It’s not a problem,” the soldier answered, “just give me an ax, and I’ll cook porridge from it.” “What, soldier,” the old woman was indignant, “do you think I’m completely stupid? What will I use to chop wood later?” So the soldier remained, not eating any salt. And his name, by the way, was Rodion Raskolnikov.
Man and bear. Moldavian folk tale.
One day a man decided to organize a joint venture with a bear. "What we are going to do?" - asks the bear. “This year, grow wheat,” the man replies. “And how to divide?” “Known as: my tops, your roots.” “He’s coming,” agreed the bear. They grew wheat, the man took all the tops for himself, sold them, sits and rejoices, counting the money... And then a bear came and brought his roots...
Moscow folk tale about money and whistling
Once the Nightingale the Robber wanted to get gold and silver. He went to Koshchei the Immortal to offer security services. Koschey got angry and unleashed evil spirits on him - Nightingale left barely alive. Then he went to Zmey Gorynych to demand a ransom. The Serpent became angry, burst into flames, and the Nightingale barely carried off his legs. He walks sadly and sees Baba Yaga. He thought at least to get money from her, but Yaga kicked him with a bone leg so that the white light became not pleasant to the Nightingale. He then cried bitterly, and Yaga took pity on him. “Go,” she said, “to the roadway, and hide there in the green bushes.” When you see someone passing by, whistle as hard as you can, and he’ll give you money. The Nightingale listened to the advice of the wise, but since then he has not known any need. This is how traffic cops started appearing in Rus'.
Medical folk tale about Koshchei and a healthy lifestyle.
Ivan Tsarevich married a foolish frog... no, not like that. Ivan the Fool married the frog princess, and she ran away from him with Koshchei. Ivan was offended and decided to lime Koshchei. Whether Ivan walked long or short around the world, he came to Baba Yaga. -Where are you going, good fellow? - asks Yaga. “Why, grandma, didn’t you give me something to drink or feed, and yet you’re asking questions?” - says Ivan. “You’re a fool, a fool,” Yaga answers. -How can I feed you if you haven’t washed your hands? Ivan washed his hands and told Yaga about his misfortune. And Yaga answered him: “Koshcheev’s death is in a needle, the needle is in an egg, the egg is in a duck, and the duck is standing under the bed in hospital number 8.” Ivan went to hospital #8, found a duck, broke an egg, and put Koshchei on a needle. This is where Koschey ends. Drug addiction does no good to anyone.
Spanish folk tale about the sleeping beauty.
Once upon a time there lived a king and a queen, and they had a daughter. And they held a ball, and invited everyone there except the most harmful fairy, because they knew that she would come anyway. The most harmful fairy came and said: “Are you happy? Oh well. But when the princess turns 18, she will become a drug addict and inject herself with such a dose that she will pass out and never come to.” When the princess turned 18, she became a drug addict, injected herself and never recovered. And the king and queen, the courtiers and servants, out of grief, swallowed a sedative and also passed out. And gradually all the roads to the castle were overgrown with dense forest. A hundred years later, a handsome prince rode past and asked what kind of reserve this was. The kind people told him the whole story and added that only then would the princess come out of her blackout when the handsome prince kissed her. The prince boldly rode through the dense forest, entered the castle, took the key to the treasury from the king’s neck, loaded all the gold and diamonds onto his horse and rode back. But he didn’t kiss the princess, no. Really, why does he need a drug addict?
Frog Marriage
In a certain kingdom, in a certain state, a father had three sons - two stupid, and the third nothing at all. The father decided to marry them. He took me out into the yard and ordered me to shoot whoever hit where. The first son fired and hit the air. The second shot hit the police. The third shot hit the headstock. The father spat in anger, gave everyone a frog and went to bed. And I didn’t check what gender the frog was... In general, it didn’t turn out well.
Danish folk tale about the little mermaid
Once upon a time there lived a little mermaid somewhere in the outback. And she wanted to become a pop star. She went to the witch. “This can be arranged,” says the witch, “only you will give me your vote.” “No problem,” the little mermaid answers, “why do I need it?” Most importantly, make my legs longer. “Okay,” the witch agreed, “just keep in mind that if you don’t unwind, you will become sea foam.” And what do you think, did it become foam? No matter how it is! It has been at the top of the charts for months now. And this is no longer a fairy tale, but the harsh truth of life...
Administrative folk tale about the frog traveler
Once upon a time there lived a frog. She lived in her swamp and saw nothing but mud. And her duck neighbors traveled abroad every year. Well, the frog, of course, wanted it too, so she persuaded the ducks to take her with them. She grabbed the twig with her mouth, and the ducks picked it up with their beaks and flew away. And from below the heron looks and is surprised: “Wow, what smart ducks!” They invented this method of transportation!” “It’s not ducks, it’s me who’s smart!” - the frog screamed and fell back into the swamp. It was then that the heron ate her. Moral: Of course, we have freedom of speech, but if you want to fly high, keep your mouth shut. Otherwise they'll eat it.
Administrative folk tale "Winnie the Pooh and all-all-all"
Once Winnie the Pooh was appointed to manage the farm in the forest. He took Eeyore and Piglet as his deputies. And he put Rabbit to work because he was the smart one. But no matter how hard the Rabbit tried, under the leadership of Winnie the Pooh the farm still collapsed. They began to look for the guilty. We went to Winnie the Pooh. He says “What am I? Look what my deputies are - one is a donkey, the other is a pig! They come to Eeyore and Piglet. They say “What are we? Look at the kind of boss we have—he has sawdust in his head!” In general, in the end the Rabbit got hit on the ears. And everyone else was given a hat. Made from rabbit fur. They also wrote a play about this, it’s called “Woe from Wit.”
Untitled
There lived a king and his queen near the blue sea. They lived and lived well, but they had no children. And the king says to the queen: “Bake me, queen, a bun!” - Completely crazy, or what? - the queen answers. - What am I to you, cook? “Oh, you,” the king was offended, “but I took you like a simple Cinderella, put shoes on you, dressed you, and brought you into the people... But the fairy tale does not end here at all.” Their fairy tale ended on the second day after the wedding...
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Are these fairy tales so charming?
Once upon a time there lived one mother. One day she was going to read a bedtime story to the baby. Yes, and I was horrified. “What do fairy tales teach us?! What kind of man will I grow up after this?! And how have I not read these terrible fairy tales before?!!”
Fabulous man.
For example, Pushkin. I wrote, you know, about a fish. Now crowds of husbands are leaving their families in the hope of catching gold. They sit in boats for hours in the summer, freezing their “dignity” in the winter. Ugh, some kind of fishophilia!
Fairy tales are some kind of conspiracy, a hymn to male laziness! Here Emelya orders the stove, which has no right to vote, to take him wherever it wants. Ivan Tsarevich is also good: he doesn’t do anything himself. The elderly Baba Yaga steamed him in the bathhouse, fed him, gave him something to drink, and put him to bed.
Let's continue... A beautifully dressed man is like candy with a candy wrapper. But in a strong field, since fairy-tale times it has not been built into keeping an eye on your appearance! Even descriptions of appearance are not found in fairy tales! Well, what kind of portrait is this: “middle son – neither this nor that”? And this, by the way, is written not by someone specific and subjective, but by the people, so he is telling the truth. No matter what objectivity! I believe that everything is bad with the appearance even of fairy-tale men, what kind of transfer is there into reality... So you will give yourself to the 33rd heroes, they are at least “scaled, like the heat of grief.” Otherwise, the only alternative is to kiss the monster, smelling the disgust with a scarlet flower, or kiss the bones of the Koshcheevs. Hmmm, not much choice. There is nowhere for a Russian girl to roam, no one to fix her gaze on.
The occupation of the average fairytale hero comes down to... what? Sorry, looking for death in other people's eggs - fortunately, not everyone is concerned about this. Most look for and get beautiful young ladies. Well, half the kingdom is a burden (you can’t refuse your son-in-law). Everything would be commendable if it were not for a mere trifle - the way they achieve both. They act with a hint, you know (you would be scolded for this at school). Moreover, a hint from the desired lady (the boys would have laughed for this). The adviser is reminiscent of the one who in modern advertising advises a dishwashing gel on the arm of a loved one.
But the hero is not afraid of distances. Getting to “far away lands” or going “there I don’t know where” is easy. Just not on foot, of course. For these earthly needs, a trained stove, a gray wolf, and a horse (albeit hunchbacked, but walking) are adapted. If they walk along unknown paths, only inveterate losers do so. And even then, at the beginning of a fabulous career.
Why does a man need to know how to cook? People have long invented a self-assembled tablecloth or a clever utensil: “Pot, cook!” And if you haven’t found such household appliances yet, then you can fly to visit someone, eat a jar of jam and go back to the roof to “get sick.”
Why should a man remember where at least the keys to the apartment are if he grew up on the spell: “Sim-sim, open up”?! The most he needs to do as he gets older is to slightly change the magic words. Well, for example: “Zin-Zin, well, open it”
There's no point in shaving. Fairy tales even provided an excuse for this case. Indeed, depilation makes it impossible to pull out a hair from the beard and “fucking” something. Even in the event of an emergency, the heroes don’t have to get up from the couch: some Cockerel will notice the problem, the right people will come to the rescue, and everything will be fine (the faucet is fixed, the children are fed, the floors are washed). And you lie there, wait for the next cuckoo and “reign while lying on your side.”
In not a single Russian fairy tale does a man go in for sports. If you weren’t born Dobrynya, don’t rock the boat. The heroes generally try not to be active. And this is still not a Russian thing. The people report everything without concealment: Emelya lies and travels lying down, Tsar Dodon is inactive until the Cockerel croaks, and Tsar Saltan in general never visited his son Gvidon on Buyan Island, he kept listening to imported gossip (for which he paid with a long abstinence from communication with a little blood and a “guilty” wife). But as soon as the hero begins to act, there are rejuvenating apples for the son-in-law, and death for the dragon, and eternal glory from all honest people. The main thing is not to overdo it. Otherwise, you can pay for your activities. Kolobok has finished singing... It's a pity, but he was the only fairy-tale altruist. He performed for free, fool.
Summarizing what has been said, we get a vivid picture: such a “goat” will sit on his “stove” after a date with “Baba Yaga”, relax, he will feel good and what will he say? That's right, "Fairy Tale!"
Female types in folk myths.
Fox. This woman is not stupid. Able to get cheese without climbing a tree. More precisely, you will give it yourself. He can lure you into visiting and prick you like the last crane. Warning: she is capable of cruel jokes on men. Things didn’t go well with the wolf: she decided to put her tail in the hole, the self-mutilator!
Princess. Melancholic, sitting in the castle, amusing herself with braids of “brown hair to the waist.” He dreams of being saved and led down the aisle. The main occupation is to wait. Purpose: to be beautiful. Goal: wait for the savior, as a sign of gratitude, bow your head on his shoulder and put a double load on his horse.
Baba Yaga . The only one who has a separate living space (and the hut, like the stupa, operates without remote control). Profession: bitch. Reason: lonely. Appearance: see honey. encyclopedia, article “warts”, “gout”, spinal diseases.
Mother heroine. The meaning of life: to be close to your son. Side effect: helping to choose a wife. Result: the swan princess for the role of daughter-in-law.
Old woman. Always married. He has no children (at least he doesn’t declare them in fairy tales). There is a noticeable tendency towards sadism (“Hit my husband in the face”). There is a fear of hydrophobia (“she sent her husband to the sea again”). He's greedy. Believes in the mess of an axe. Can become an ideal stepmother.
Stepmother. Always has 1-2 natural daughters. The entire duo or trio hates the stepdaughter and the father of the family. Life's business: ruining the lives of others. Distinctive feature: speaks in a raised voice. Temperament: hysterical. Fixed idea: marry a prince (or give him away). Be careful, it might send! If you're lucky, it'll only be for snowdrops in winter.
Stepdaughter. An integral part of the sadomasochistic symbiosis.
Vasilisa, aka Varvara, aka Marya the Artisan. An example of the confrontation between intelligence and beauty. In any case, the girl is blood and milk. The forms are Russian. The language is Russian, ornate. The minimum task is to show off your intellect or amaze with your cuteness. The maximum task is to ring Ivan Tsarevich, regardless of the minimum task.
Princess-Nezmeyana The only woman with a heightened sense of humor. This one won’t smile at Full House.
Mouse . Makeweight. The critical mass that makes everything happen. The turnip was uprooted not without her help. She is also the prime suspect in the broken testicle case. A small woman with big destructive consequences.
Fish, aka Pike. Noble fool. She could have sailed away as soon as she was released. But no, she swam three times, waving her tail, asking for requests. A classic example of a female patient.
Frog, swan. Ordinary good girls. As a rule, they constitute the happiness of some fabulous zoophile. If you love them, they can become better and more beautiful.
Sister . Obsessed with my brother. Replaces his parents. At the same time, he arranges his personal life. Often a brother is the reason for meeting a future husband.
Sleeping Beauty. The girl is wow, but with a weak immune system. A prick of a spindle or a piece of an apple plunges her into a lethargic sleep. There is only one way to wake up: kiss dead lips. Result: she's in your saddle. Advice - take care, she is weak along the way.
Shamakhan queen. Oh, this one will achieve everything. You have more than enough health, you don’t have to believe your figure. Chic plus cunning. The place of work is a tent. Successful business woman. Without specifying where this business is done.
Fairy-tale dystopia.
The model of cohabitation found in fairy tales is strangely reminiscent of a communal apartment. There is a clear desire among fairy-tale citizens to cluster together. We’re not exactly summarizing polygamy, but judge for yourself: the heroes either live in a little mansion, or stuff themselves into a mitten, or hang out under the same fungus. And, jokes aside, against this background, Baba Yaga seems to be the only (albeit lonely) woman who is able to a) live separately, b) not evoke seditious thoughts about promiscuous relationships. However, her tenants - the cat or Koschey the Immortal - also force one to think.
No, really, it’s time to stop reading fairy tales to children!
Hare
A poor man was walking through an open field, saw a hare under a bush, was delighted and said:
- That’s when I’ll live in a house! I’ll take this hare, kill it with a whip and sell it for four altyns. With that money I will buy a pig. She will bring me twelve little pigs. The piglets will grow up and produce twelve more. I'll kill everyone, I'll save up a barn of meat. I’ll sell the meat, and with the money I’ll start a house and get married myself. My wife will give birth to two sons for me: Vaska and Vanka. The children will start plowing the arable land, and I will sit under the window and restore order: “Hey you guys, I’ll shout, Vaska and Vanka! Don’t push people too hard at work, you didn’t live in poverty yourself!” The man shouted so loudly that the hare got scared and ran away, and the house with all its wealth, wife and children disappeared.
Funny turnip in roles
storyteller, turnip, grandfather, grandmother
turnip, grandmother, grandfather, super fashionable granddaughter and Bug
the above characters call the cat
The bunny came running to the rescue and pulled him out!!!!! carrots!
Hey, bring in the horse (Italian fairy tale)
The driver Petruchio got married. After the wedding, he brought his young wife into the house and said to her:
- Now you and I, Rosina, will live well! I will work, you will manage. I'm not afraid of work. Even if you order me to drive a horse from dawn to dark, it will do nothing. But once I get home, that’s it! The rest is up to you. I’ll just stop the cart at the gate and shout: “Hey, bring in the horse!” - You hurry up and run out.
- Here's another! - said Rosina. - I’ll start tinkering with the horse.
- How can you not bother with her, because you need to unharness her, feed her, and give her something to drink! So, as soon as I shout: “Hey, bring in the horse!” “Yes, I’m telling you,” Rosina interrupted her husband, “that I won’t touch the horse.” This is not what I was taught at my mother and father’s house.
“Don’t worry,” said Petruchio, “I’ll teach you everything.” You will bring the horse into the yard. . .
- I won’t enter it!
- That is, how can you not enter it if I shouted: “Hey, enter it!..”?
- You scream, but I don’t move.
“Oh, Rosina,” said Petruchio, “don’t make me angry, it’s better to bring in the horse.”
- I won’t enter it! - Rosina shouted.
Then Petruchio also shouted.
- Enter it now!
- I won’t enter it!
- Enter!
- I won’t enter it!
Neighbors came running in response to the noise and began asking the newlyweds:
-What are you doing? What is the dispute about? Petruchio began to explain to the neighbors:
- Yes, my wife doesn’t want to help me. I tell her:
“Bring in the horse,” and she says: “I won’t.”
“Aren’t you ashamed to quarrel over this?” - said old Giuseppe. - Let me bring in your horse. Where do you have it?
“Yes, you see,” Petruchio hesitated, “we don’t have a horse yet.” I'm just about to buy it.
A short skit for a corporate event in the Year of the Tiger 2022
This sketch is with two presenters - a man and a woman. The floor is also given to the manager. A very interesting text mentioning the symbol of 2022 - the Tiger.
Leading man : On the eve of the main holiday of the whole world, we sum up the results, congratulate each other, and give gifts. All this can be done by your respected leader who gets the floor!
Speech by a leader or several bosses who say warm words to employees and colleagues, and give gifts to friends:
The past is already behind us. New working hours are coming during the Tiger period. Come to our office party today, To celebrate, Life will give you another bonus. The past will be left behind. The past was bad, now everything will be better.
Leading woman : Do you need anything after such congratulations and wishes? That's right, these are good points for the above!
Music background with modern music
Leading Woman : Looks like someone is missing. Damn, I forgot the woman's name. Well, tell me! If adults call “Snow White,” the director nods in agreement and the presenter speaks further. You can hear a musical song from the series “Shapoklyak”, the cartoon “Cheburashka and Gennady the Crocodile”. Shapoklyak sings the song “Who Helps People” Who celebrates the New Year of the Tiger? He's wasting his time. The frost is just annoying at the end of December. Therefore, I advise everyone to celebrate the holiday alone, or with dear Snow White.
How the master hatched a foal (Latvian fairy tale)
Once upon a time there lived a gentleman who loved horses more than anything in the world. There was only one thing on his mind - to get horses like no one else had. As soon as he hears about the horse fair, he drops everything and goes there, even though the lady herself is dying. Once this inveterate horseman went to the fair and met a peasant with a cart of cucumbers.
- What are you bringing? - the master asked him. And the peasant, the cunning one, answers:
“I’m bringing eggs that can be hatched into foals, the likes of which no one has ever had before.”
“Show me,” the master asked. The peasant showed it. The master chose the largest of these eggs and asked:
— How much does such an egg cost? And the peasant, the cunning one, answers:
- Three hundred rubles! The master pulled out his wallet and counted out three hundred rubles. And as he was leaving, the peasant finally looked back at the master and said:
“You need to put the egg in a pot and sit on it until the foal hatches.” And if anyone asks about what, he must answer only one thing: whoa! With that they parted, and each went his own way.
The master, returning home, immediately sat down to hatch the foal. The lady asked him why he was sitting for so long, and the master barked: whoa! Such an outlandish answer made the lady very angry, but, knowing what kind of husband she was, she left him alone - let him sit there. She ordered him to bring him food and drink, but she didn’t say another word to him. The master hatched and hatched, sat on the potty for three or four weeks, but never hatched anything. The master became completely depressed, and finally got tired of hatching the egg. He got angry, grabbed a pot of cucumber, ran into the forest and in his anger threw it into a pile of brushwood. Then suddenly a hare jumped out of a pile of brushwood and galloped into the forest. And the master shouts after him:
- Mob, mow, little coward, mow, mow!
But the hare got scared by the noise, ran at full speed and disappeared into the thicket. The master was sad, became sad and went home. And on the way he met the same peasant from whom he bought a cucumber for three hundred rubles. The master told the peasant that he had completely hatched a foal that no one else had, and, like a fool, he threw it away himself. And the peasant, the cunning one, listened, listened and said:
“That’s what happens to all the fools who don’t even know how to hatch a foal.” The master returned home and told the lady about his bitter fate. And when she heard what a fool her husband was, she didn’t want to see him anymore.
Cool scene “Everyone is good in the New Year”
The scene involves two people.
FIRST : Good evening, dear friends! Now I will tell you how to celebrate the New Year correctly? SECOND : Stop! Why you and not me?! FIRST : Because you don’t know, but I know how to make the New Year holidays perfect! SECOND : Where from! I know you! You are one of those people who don’t have gifts under the tree, but just a Christmas tree cross. FIRST : Are you one of those people who put empty boxes with bows under the Christmas tree - as if someone gave them gifts. Damn Santa Claus! SECOND : And you are one of those who watch Urgant on TV all New Year’s Eve. FIRST : And you place tangerines everywhere around the apartment, so that it smells like New Year everywhere. SECOND : Are you one of those who take pictures in front of the TV on New Year's Day during the President's congratulations? FIRST : And you are one of those who shouts “Who knows how to open it!”, and will definitely flood everything with champagne and break the chandelier with a cork. SECOND : Are you one of those who buy 10 thousand worth of firecrackers and fireworks, and then stupidly fall asleep on New Year’s Eve? FIRST : But you belong to that group of people who take a taxi on New Year’s Eve to buy vodka. SECOND : And you’re one of those, who always says: “Hey, pay for the taxi, otherwise I don’t have change from the five thousand!” ONE : Are you one of those people who take a camera on New Year’s Day and then post photos on VKontakte like Lekhin_striptease, Lekha don’t sleep in a salad SECOND : Yes, yes. It’s people like you who don’t go to bed on New Year’s Eve, but sit down. And then in the morning you’ll end up going to the toilet. FIRST : And people like you, on the morning of the first of January, get up before everyone else and start pestering everyone: “Come on, get up, let’s go for a ride!” SECOND : Are you one of those people who send all their friends the same SMS with congratulations on New Year’s Day? And after a couple of hours they receive it as a congratulation. FIRST : And people like you come to you on the 31st, and leave only on the 3rd. Until he finishes everything, he sits as your guest. At least give him a hint. SECOND : And you are one of those people with whom you drink, drink, and in the end they wake up at home, and you are in a salad in an unfamiliar house. FIRST : And you are one of those who invite your ex, and your current ex, to the New Year. SECOND : you are one of those who count the chimes out loud at midnight, always get confused and start clinking glasses at the 11th stroke. FIRST : Are you one of those people who, in a tavern, starts staring at the women from the group at the next table. And then the whole New Year's Eve is to get this comrade off the men from this company. SECOND : Are you one of those who start taking antibiotics in December, and January 1 is the last day. And this poor fellow holds on until one in the morning, and then “to hell with them!” and comes untied. FIRST : Are you one of those people for whom all you need for champagne for the New Year is to throw a piece of chocolate into it and sit and watch it float up and down. SECOND : Okay, agree, we are both good... FIRST : And therefore, to celebrate the New Year with an A plus CHORUS : Don’t do it like us!
