Municipal government educational institution of the Ordynsky district of the Novosibirsk region Verkh-Aleusskaya secondary school named after Hero of the Soviet Union N.V. Nekrasov
1. The educational process through the eyes of the teacher 2. The educational process through the eyes of students
Prepared by: computer science teacher
highest qualification category
Karmanova Tatyana Alexandrovna
2020
Texts of skits about school and schoolchildren
1. The educational process through the eyes of the teacher 2. The educational process through the eyes of students
All students sit quietly, with their eyes on the floor. The teacher enters with a roar.
Teacher: Get up, bandits! Sit down, bandits! Stand up, bandits! Sit down, bandits! Two for inattention! (the student from the third desk sat down and got up at the wrong time)
Teacher: Who's missing?
Student: And... and... And...
Teacher: Ivanov is not there? Two for Ivanov!
Student: And... And... And...
Teacher: No needle?! Two Needles!
Student: And... And... And...
Teacher: And you’re two so you don’t stutter! Who is the head of the stream?! (student stands up)
What a face! Two! I'll check my homework. You, blond, have solved one hundred and twenty test tasks?!
Student: No
Teacher: Two! And you, brunette?
Student: Yes
Teacher: You're lying! I copied it from him!
Points to the student on the last desk
Teacher: And now I will ask you! Hang on, bandits! Here you are, from the last desk, to the blackboard!
The student, trembling, comes out, stands at the board, spreads his legs, and raises his hands up.
Teacher: Are there any cheat sheets?!
Student: No
Teacher: Maybe there is after all?!
Student: No
Teacher: Or is there?
Student: No
Teacher: So, I didn’t prepare! Two!!! There are ten seconds left until the end of the lesson. We'll do a lot of testing. Whoever solves twenty out of ten problems will receive three. The rest are two! Hand out the leaves! Collect leaves! Stand up, bandits! Sit down, bandits! Stand up, bandits! Sit down, bandits! Stand up, bandits! And if this happens again, then everyone will go to the dean’s office! Sti! Pen! Di! AND!
According to the syllables, students take their seats. On the last syllable, a student from the back desk falls to the floor.
Teacher: You need to shoot these guys!
Jokes about medical students
For many, the medical profession is a calling, so young people choose it consciously. But practice shows that this is not always the case. Jokes about students who decide to devote their lives to medicine make it clear that they are no different from ordinary students.
Jokes about students: NUR.KZ
Read interesting jokes about medical students:
***
There is an exam at a medical school. The professor asks the student:
— Name the standard equipment of the vaccination room.
- Alcohol, couch, nurse.
***
At a medical school, a professor gives a lecture on frostbite:
- If your limbs get frostbite, you should immediately rub them with snow...
A voice from the audience:
- What to rub with in the summer?
***
The lecturer comes in, stands at the lectern and says:
— Before explaining the topic of today’s lecture, I will tell you a story from my youth. I had a friend, and he and I were courting the same girl. But she preferred my friend, and I was left with a nose... And my friend without a nose. So, the topic of today's lecture is: “Syphilis and its consequences.”
***
The professors accepted exams and valerian. The students also lost their nerves.
***
Medical Institute. Anatomy room. In glass cabinets, various body parts are preserved in alcohol and formalized in jars. There is also an anatomical specimen of a human fetus - the consequences of a late abortion. And on the bank there is an inscription: “Course work of 3rd year student Ivanova and 3rd year student Sidorov.”
***
Medical school exam. Teacher:
— Then don’t throw away your cheat sheets during the first couple of years when you become practicing doctors. You will still need them!
***
Two medical students are walking, and an old man is stomping ahead with a strange gait. One of the students makes a diagnosis:
- Haemorrhoids.
“More like parkinsonism,” says the second.
- Will there be an argument?
- Let's!
They approached the old man and asked what he had, talking about the bet.
“We were all a little mistaken,” says the old man. - You thought that I had hemorrhoids, you thought that I had parkinsonism, and I thought that gas would come out, but I was wrong...
***
During an exam at a medical university, a student persistently calls the liver “liver.” Finally the teacher can't stand it anymore:
- Are you at the market? What kind of liver? Liver! Remember: damn! If I hear this again, I’ll kick you out. Move on to the next question.
The student timidly begins:
- A drake is...
***
Medical Institute, practice in pathological anatomy. The teacher, setting up a microscope with the next specimen: “Oh my God, just look at how lovely it is! Unfortunately, 95% of patients simply do not live to see this...”
***
The inscription on the microscope: “Attention! The objects are actually much smaller and safer than they appear!”
***
In the liver there will always be some kind of lymphocyte or a lousy macrophage wandering in.
***
A student asks the teacher:
- I wonder what is better of two evils - insanity or sclerosis?
— Sclerosis, definitely.
- Why.
— Because when you have sclerosis, you forget about insanity.
***
During an anatomy exam, a professor asks a student a question:
— Which human organ is a symbol of love?
— For men or women?
“Hmm,” the professor sighs, “in my time it was just a heart.”
***
A medical school teacher wakes up with a terrible hangover. Trying to remember what happened yesterday. It looks like he was taking an exam... With difficulty he approaches the mirror and instantly sobers up: his hands are sewn to his backside! And on his stomach he sees a tattoo: “Who said that I won’t make a surgeon?”
"There will be no exam"
This is a typical skit about students from the STEM RRTI-RGRTU repertoire.
Two students read one note together. A third student approaches.
Third student: Are you teaching? And there will be no exam the day after tomorrow!
(everyone is dancing)
Third student: He will be there tomorrow...
(two students chasing a third)
Third student: Stop! And our teacher got sick!
(everyone is dancing)
Third student: Therefore, the exam will be taken by the head of the department...
(two students again try to catch up with the third and knock him down)
Third student: And tomorrow is his birthday!
(everyone is dancing)
Third student: And that’s why he postponed the exam until today...
(two students again try to catch up with the third and knock him down)
Third student: And I got you certificates for release!
(everyone is dancing)
Third student: Here you are, from a mental hospital, and you are pregnant!
The first and second students in unison: I’ll kill you! (they run behind the third student into the backstage)
Scene “Young Specialist”
A skit on a topic that is relevant at all times - a graduate comes to get a job. This option is still about distribution times, but you can easily remake this scene about a graduate who comes to get a job in a bank or government agency.
An institute graduate comes to get a job. Previously, this was done by distribution. He is received by the collective farm chairman.
Young specialist: Hello!
Chairman of the collective farm: And don’t get sick. What do you want?
Young specialist: I am a young specialist. Arrived to you by appointment. Here's my diploma.
Chairman of the collective farm: (after looking at the diploma)
So! Your diploma is good. Come on, shout something!
Young specialist: How is it, shout...?
Chairman of the collective farm: How are you shouting in the forest?
Young specialist: (quietly)
Ah-ah-ah
Chairman of the collective farm: Don’t be shy, shout louder
Young specialist: (a little louder)
Ah-ah-ah
Collective farm chairman: Yes, your voice is rather weak. Come on, swear.
Young specialist: How? Right here?
Chairman of the collective farm: Why be shy! Everyone is here. Just swear at me right now.
Young specialist: ... impudent
Collective farm chairman: No! Can you do something like a man?
Young specialist: ... shameless impudent!
Chairman of the collective farm: (sighs)
How will you work with people? For example, the milkmaids did not come out for morning milking. What will you tell them?
Young specialist: Well, I’ll say that it’s not good. What…
Chairman of the collective farm: And tomorrow you will milk the cows yourself. But, for example, the shepherd brought only half of his flock in the evening. What will you tell him?!
Young specialist: Well... let this be the last time!
Chairman of the collective farm: Yes-ah! Of course, your diploma is good, but I can’t hire you.
Young specialist: How so?!
Collective farm chairman: That’s it! I can’t do that!
Young specialist: What are you talking about! What does this mean?! Did I study in vain for five years?! Was the government wasting money on me in vain?! (starts up) What are you allowing yourself to do?!! He sits here, wipes his pants, and even mocks people, damn bureaucrat!!!
Collective farm chairman: Yes, yes. Carry on
Young specialist: Do you think I was scared of you?! Do you know what I will do to you now?! Goat!!!
Collective farm chairman: That's it, stop! Great! Back to work tomorrow!
Cool scene about school
Class. It's a break in class. Sidorkin and Ivanov are at the desk. Sidorkin collects things in a briefcase.
Ivanov: Where are you going?
Sidorkin: I'll quit algebra! They will ask me, but I am not ready.
Ivanov: Come on! They ask those who have “I’m not ready!” written on their faces.
Sidorkin: You see!
Ivanov: So you have to act as if you are ready! Autotraining!
Sidorkin: What?
Ivanov: Self-hypnosis! Repeat after me: I’m all ready for algebra!
Sidorkin: I’m all ready for algebra
Ivanov: I completed my homework!
Sidorkin: I did my homework
Ivanov: All three problems and five exercises!
Sidorkin: All three problems and five exercises!
During auto-training, they did not notice how the teacher entered the class.
Teacher: Sidorkin, what do I hear, are you ready for the lesson?!! Go to the board.
Sidorkin confidently walks towards the board.
Sidorkin: I’m all ready for algebra! I did my homework! All three tasks and five exercises!
Teacher: Well, write exercise 87 on the board
Sidorkin: I did my homework! All three tasks and five exercises!
Teacher: I don’t understand anything! Show me your notebook!
Sidorkin carries a notebook. The teacher is watching.
Teacher: Sidorkin, Sidorkin! And how confidently he walked... Two! Sit down.
Sidorkin and Ivanov leave school. There is a premonition of trouble on Sidorkin’s face.
Sidorkin: Eh, at home they’ll ask: “How was school?” - And I'm screwed.
Ivanov: We need auto-training. Repeat after me: I’m doing great in algebra! And good in physics! The glass broke on its own during recess!
Scene “Schoolboy at identification parade”
A schoolboy enters the office. There is a policeman at the table.
Policeman: Kostya Igoshin? Come on in. Now we will carry out identification. A lot depends on this, you know?
Schoolboy: I understand
Policeman: Look carefully, do you recognize anyone?
The schoolboy looks carefully. Only he is shown (it is not visible who he identifies).
Schoolboy: (sadly shakes his head) No.
Policeman: (indignantly) Look carefully! Maybe you’ll recognize someone after all?
It turns out that a schoolboy walked along the wall with portraits of great Russian writers (Pushkin, Lermontov, Gogol, Tolstoy...)
Schoolboy: Nope
Policeman: You don’t even know Pushkin! For the second year, Igoshin!
A skit for student celebrations - “Student History”.
Characters: Narrator, Student, Gypsy, Senior Student, Teacher avatel, F eya, extras - 5-7 students.
Narrator. Once upon a time there lived a simple Student by first and last name... However, no one remembered them, because everyone simply called him Dunce...
A Student comes out to the musical theme “Market” from the film “Operation Y and Shurik’s Other Adventures” and waves his hands in greeting.
And he had 2 exams and 3 tests ahead. And also an empty pocket and the same stomach. And he was afraid of only one thing in the world, since they told him a fortune in his first year...
Gypsy comes out to the sound of the song “Long Road” and tells fortunes by hand.
Gypsy. Oh, my yacht! I see, I see: if you miss even one pair of lectures, inevitable trouble awaits you - expulsion from the fairy tale to the heroic squad, called the construction battalion... (Turns his back, showing the inscription “Curator.” Leaves.) Narrator. But the wise senior students revealed to him a great secret...
The Senior Student comes out and puts his hand on the Student’s shoulder.
Senior student. Shout the cherished word the night before the exam, and great prosperity will come to you - an A! Narrator. And, waiting until midnight with his friends, the Student shouted...
Students run out and in chorus, along with the main character, shout “Freebie!” to play the song “Chihuahua” by Dj Bobo.
But we heard back from the dean’s office...
To the same melody, the cry “Here you go!” is heard, accompanied by the display of a drawing of a blow from behind the screen.
There was nothing to do, he had to go to the exam. And there he is met by a magical and formidable creature - the all-knowing Teacher! The student sat quietly at the last desk, he pulled and pulled the cheat sheet, but couldn’t pull it out...
To a twist from the film “Operation Y and Shurik’s Other Adventures,” the Student pulls out crib sheets from all his pockets. The teacher turns around, trying to catch the Student, but every time he manages to hide everything at the last moment.
And he asked a fellow student for a simple hint...
A student crawls on his knees into the auditorium.
And she speaks to him in the voice of the Teacher... Teacher. You should have prepared before! Narrator. The formidable Teacher became even more angry than before and threatened him with transfer to the commercial department. "Yes! - thought the Student. “The study was simple, but it will become golden!” And then he called on his mobile program to help...
The sound of a cell phone dialing. The Fairy appears.
Fairy. Hello, dear Cinderella! Why are you so sad? Student. What kind of Cinderella am I to you?! Quickly conjure up a five for me!.. Fairy. Hello, dear Cinderella! Why are you so sad? Student. Are you deaf?! Cast your spell faster! Fairy. Hello, dear Cinderella! Why are you so sad? Student. Listen, are you stupid? Fairy. Just me, my friend, demo version! If you want to take full advantage of all the features of the program, send an SMS with the code word to the short number... Student. And I’ll format your entire desktop!.. Fairy. Goodbye, dear Cinderella!
The fairy runs away, protecting herself with her magic wand.
Narrator. And then the Student prayed, looking at the Teacher... Student. We have an unequal duel: you have seven spans in your forehead, and five years of higher education, and I only have a piece of paper and a pen that doesn’t write!.. Narrator. And then the formidable Teacher had mercy and allowed me to use the self-written notes. Teacher. Notes to the studio!
To the music “Black Box” from the program “What? Where? When?" take out notes.
Narrator. And the student received the desired grade! Student (happily). Five? Teacher. No! Student. Four? Teacher. No! Student. C grade? Teacher. No! Student (sad). With a minus? Teacher . Yes! Student (sadly lowers his head, but immediately raises it, smiling slyly). And a C is enough for me! (The Queen tune “We Are The Champions” plays.) Narrator. And he began to live and live and chew gum and smoke bamboo until the next session...
Suitable scenarios for the holiday:
- Scenario for students: Meeting children (presentation). Student (me): Hello kids, girls and boys, mischief-makers and naughty girls! Let's go with you...
- Student musical riddles. Excerpts from songs are played. What event or phenomenon in the life of a student in...
- A skit for corporate events with the participation of the director and employees. A sketch from industrial life. Characters: Honey...
- Forum opening script. Theatrical opening of the holiday. Characters: Leader, masters...
- Scenario of the student sports Olympiad Goals. Involving students in active physical activity, identifying the level of sports training, promoting healthy…
- March 8 scenario for high school students Idea The March 8 scenario for high school students is based on the unexpected appearance of a celebrity. First how...
- Riddles about mythical creatures. A snake has many heads. No matter how much you cut, they grow again and again, Even though...
- A skit for kindergarten, based on the fairy tale “Kolobok”. Characters: Narrator Kolobok Bear Fairy Cinderella Hare Baba Yaga Fox Grandfather Baba...
Texts of our KVN miniatures
Here are collected miniatures that we showed in KVN, and not without success.
Miniature “Three excellent students and a hooligan” Three nerds surround a gopnik. - Hey, you, come here, closer, closer, I said. (cleanses glasses) Oh, I see, I see! —Have you ever had an “A” in your life? No? And yesterday Yurka got two A's in one lesson! — Do you have a problem book on Rymkevich’s physics? Will I find it!? Both, yes, he has a preparation room! (opens it) Help yourself, guys!
Miniature “King Kong” in Sochi On the stage are cardboard houses that are being crushed by a “furious” actor in a King Kong mask. Following the “King Kong”, a man appears with a camera: Photographer: — Let’s take a photo with the monkey!
***
- Who are you? — Katya Lel — Something doesn’t look like — Bolel
Miniature for KVN - “The beginning of the working day of Edward Radzinsky” (Radzinsky in a bass microphone) - Dear! Yes, yes, you are on the sound! Clean up the bottoms! (in a slightly higher voice) Wow! Take me away again! To end! To end! (in native falsetto) Great!
Miniature “Vietnamese version of the film “Terminator” Terminator: - I need your clothes! Vietnamese: - Bare suits! Thousand! Let's measure! Let's measure! We'll give in!
Miniature - “All dances are the same” Everyone enjoys watching ballroom dance professionals perform their numbers beautifully and passionately. But few people know what they are talking about during the dance: (a couple of professional dancers are spinning in an excellent dance. There is voiceover behind the scenes) - Where do you study? — At the College of Electronics! — Do you know Maxim Fedchuk there? - No... - Mmmm... - Who are you with here? - Alone, and you? - I’m over there with the boys, maybe come with us, let’s sit and buy pistachios right now
Miniature - “Duel” Two men in 19th century costumes stand opposite each other. First: - I challenge you to a duel. Throws a glove at an opponent. The opponent rushes for the glove, catches it with his teeth, like a dog carries it to the “master”, tries to play with the “master”.
KVN miniature - “Parents meeting” Imagine a whole class where test tube children study. So, parent meeting. (a stand with test tubes is brought onto the stage) - Dear... uh... women, first about the bad. Your children are cheating as a whole class!!! Look what they wrote in the essay “My Mother.” I quote: “My mother, 20 milliliters, GOST-15041, TU 684. Works in a chemical laboratory.” Does everyone have the same thing!? Some in the class have already started drinking... yes, I’m talking about your son (the bottle), but I see it’s hereditary. (They bring in a three-liter jar) Oh, why did you come in this situation? What month, if it’s not a secret? Well, okay, let’s not talk about bad things, the eighth of March is coming, let me congratulate you, and I don’t drink any, 20 milliliters each!
Sketch about a school reunion evening
Class. There is an elderly teacher at the teacher's table. There are men and women at their desks. On the chalkboard is written "Hello to the Class of 1985."
Man 1: Do you remember, Maria Ivanovna, how we put buttons on your chair in the fifth grade?
Everyone laughs. The teacher smiles slightly.
Woman 1: Do you remember how we hid a magazine in the seventh grade, and then you couldn’t find it for two days, they even wanted to deprive you of a bonus?
Everyone laughs. The teacher smiles slightly.
Man 2: How did we throw a dead mouse on your table in the ninth?
Everyone laughs. The teacher smiles slightly. The teacher gets up. And he speaks with increasing aggression.
Teacher: Do you remember how in the fifth grade I gave every single one of you a bad mark on the test, and you stayed after school for a whole week? Do you remember how we went on a hike and supposedly got lost?! How did they learn “War and Peace” by heart in the seventh grade?!? Ha ha ha ha!!!!!
Graduates - bewilderment, fear. They lower their heads.
Script for a school skit about Pushkin
Two duelists stand opposite each other. One of them is Pushkin.
Second: Come together!
Pushkin and his opponent raise their pistols. They approach the barriers. Pushkin's opponent fires a shot. Pushkin lies wounded. The enemy approaches the wounded Pushkin.
Pushkin: For what?
Pushkin's opponent: Bastard! Because of you, I was left for the second year in literature!!!
A skit about parents
A man is standing in a clothing store and dialing a number on his cell phone.
Man: Hello, dear! ... Has our Bear done his homework? … Yes? What about his diary? Good, yes?! So, did he clean the room?! Crap! Have you eaten soup?! Nothing... I just went into the store, and there was a sale on belts!
School skit about a labor teacher
The director enters the labor office.
Director: Hello, children! Today I will introduce you to your new labor teacher!
Another man bursts into the classroom - dressed as Pinocchio.
Pinocchio: My name is Alexey Karlovich Polenov! I’ll tell you right away – I don’t have favorites! You will all plow like Papa Carlo!
School skit about a history lesson
History lesson. Children are sitting at their desks. Tolmachev did not learn his lesson. The teacher begins the survey.
Teacher: So, he will tell us about Napoleon’s coming to power... he will tell us...
Looks at the magazine, then at the class
Teacher: Vitya Tolmachev, I promised to ask you! Over to you!
Tolmachev: Marya Stepanovna, why am I going to tell you! Let's better tell Napoleon himself!
Teacher: Tolmachev, are you not ready? Say so!
Tolmachev: I'm serious, let's have a seance and summon the spirit of Napoleon!
Teacher: Well... I don’t know... you can try...
The children and the teacher are sitting around the table, twilight, everyone stretches out their hands to the center. There is a saucer in the center.
Tolmachev: I call Napoleon! I call Napoleon!
There is a rustling sound in the dark corner. Everyone turns around. Napoleon is standing there. There is great surprise on the faces of the teacher and children.
Napoleon: In the name of the revolution, I order you to give Vita Tolmachev an A for the year in history!
Teacher: Your Imperial Majesty... Tolmachev?... well, okay... Only, Your Imperial Majesty, somehow your voice is familiar to me! And why are you... wearing sneakers?!
Napoleon is in full uniform, wearing a cocked hat, but wearing sneakers. A teacher approaches “Napoleon” and tears off his cocked hat.
Teacher: Kukushkin!? Talent! I almost believed it! Well, I suggest we continue the session.
Everyone is back at the table. Kukushkin and Tolmachev stand with guilty faces.
Teacher: I call the parents of Tolmachev and Kukushkin! I call the parents of Tolmachev and Kukushkin!
Competitive and game program “I am a student, which means...”methodological development on the topic
Scenario for the event “I am a student, which means...”
The purpose of the event is to develop students’ active creative life position, awareness of the importance and significance of their chosen profession, and to introduce first-year students to the traditions of the technical school.
Tasks
- Introduce students to the history of the educational institution;
- To develop in students a sense of pride in their educational institution and their chosen specialty;
- Develop artistic perception and aesthetic taste;
Equipment: multimedia projector, laptop.
Props: attributes for competitions
Audience: presentation “Our Freshmen”
Musical series: Fanfares, phonograms.
Music sounds, the presenters come out
Presenter 1: Good afternoon, dear students and guests! Presenter 2: Hello, our dear first-year students! Today, more than ever, we are pleased to welcome you to this beautiful hall. After all, we are dedicating you to students! Today you will become part of the large and friendly family of the Cheremkhovo Technical School of Industrial Industry and Service.
Presenter No. 1 - For you, dear freshmen, everything is just beginning within the walls of this educational institution and dormitory... But please remember this moment, look at each other, smile at each other, take a deep breath and get ready for the fact that you are yet to expects: student life, studies, tears of happiness and, unfortunately, losses, but... such is life!
Presenter 1. Let's ask our freshmen to stand up so we can all look at them. Let's greet our heroes of the occasion with friendly applause! (applause) Have a seat!
Presenter 2. And to begin with, I suggest getting to know the freshmen. All attention is on the screen.
(presentation of photos of freshmen)
So, we met, and I propose to start the holiday immediately
Presenter 1.
We are glad that you came to these walls! Let them be a cozy home for you! We want you to be a worthy replacement, Let only honors diplomas await you!
Presenter 2. So, let's figure out who the students are and what are some of the classic features of their life!
Presenter 1. The student sleeps little. Presenter 2. Unfortunately. Presenter 1. Eats a lot. Presenter 2. When they give. Presenter 1. Teaches seriously. Presenter 2. Twice a year. Presenter 1. Never cries. Presenter 2. He makes others cry. Presenter 1. Always tells the truth. Presenter 2. But it only seems so. Presenter 1. That’s it, our dear freshmen, by orienting you to the peculiarities of student life, we, it seems, have said everything.
Presenter 2. No, wait, that's not all! From today, your future for the next 4 years will be in the hands of your parents, the inexhaustible sponsors of your desires. Presenter 1. And now, dear freshmen, we suggest you write down and remember the secret code for an urgent telegram to your parents: “Everything is fine. Signature - STUDENT (6 people come on stage, each with a letter, who together make up the word Student). Presenter 2. reads the transcript:
S - urgently T - required U - a lot of D - money E - available N - nothing T - period
Presenter 1. It’s too early for us to call it a day – all the most interesting things are ahead of us.
Well, the Unified State Exam is behind us, sleepless nights, worries, worries. The most wonderful time is ahead—the student years. Students are cheerful and inventive people. And now we will check whether you are worthy to be proudly called students of our technical school
Presenter 2. And now you need to pass the test. It is dedicated to learning and control of knowledge. You need to know how hard it is to gnaw on the granite of science, and how bitter student tears are during exam periods.
(On a tray, walnuts are brought out according to the number of freshmen and a jar of highly salted water).
Presenter 1. Yes, dear students, you need to crack a nut and sip from the cup of “bitter student tears.” Come one by one.
Presenter 2. “The Fate of the Flow”
Fate of the stream This is something like fortune telling. One guy and one girl are chosen from the crowd of newcomers. The girl is seated on one of three chairs; on the remaining ones a book, a glass of beer, and a heart are placed. The guy is blindfolded, spun around to the applause of those gathered, and sent to determine the fate of the stream. Good comrades tell the main character where to go, and everyone points in a different direction. The chairs change their location. There is complete confusion in the hall. As a result, the young student must still find one of the chairs. If it is a chair with a book, it means that new freshmen will study hard without being distracted by anything. Beer represents a vibrant student life full of entertainment. The heart is an active personal life, which also distracts from studying, “I don’t want to study, but I want to get married.”
Presenter 1. So, now that you have mastered all the rules of life in our educational institution, allow me to begin the ceremonial initiation of the first year as students! Freshmen, please form a single line. I will read out the text of the oath to you, and you will only answer my questions in unison: “We swear!” So, the ceremonial dedication of the first year of the “Cheremkhovo Technical School of Industrial Industry and Service” is considered open to students!
Presenter 2.
And we invite freshmen to the stage!
first-year students come out
WE, the students of the new intake, today on the day of dedication solemnly swear:
• Never go to college (with lessons not learned)
• Never open textbooks (with dirty hands)
• Never say hello to teachers (with your mouth full of chewing gum)
• Never listen to teachers (with half an ear)
• Never finish a semester (with bad grades)
We swear! We swear! We swear!.
Presenter 1.
Our ceremony consists of several rituals
RITUAL 1.
0APPEAL TO THE LORD OF FIVES. Everyone must say the phrase “I want to study at 5” three times in unison. Then you need to raise your hand up with your fingers spread out, symbolizing the desired rating.
RITUAL 2.
CLEANING YOUR HEAD FROM BAD THOUGHTS. To do this, you need to hold your head with both hands and throw away all bad thoughts.
RITUAL Z.
DISCLAIMER OF HOSTILE INTENTIONS. To do this, you need to step on the foot of the person sitting next to you. It is believed that this way conflicts and quarrels can be avoided.
RITUAL 4.
WAITING FOR A SIGN. After purification and appeal to the Lord of Fives, one must wait for some sign confirming that the request has been heard. We ask for silence.
Presenter 2
So, you have now solemnly passed the rite of passage as a student. Congratulations! Hooray!!!!
Presenter 1: Please contribute a valuable prize for all first-year students! (They bring in and distribute to everyone a walnut and a bag of salt.)
Please escort our students into the hall with loud applause!
Presenter 2:
Senior students who have already gone through fire, water and copper pipes are invited to the stage to congratulate our freshmen. Musical skit “Morning of a student” Presenter 1: Sketch: Exam. Even-fail.
Exam STUDENT: Hello, teacher! TEACHER: Did you go to my lectures? STUDENT: Who? TEACHER: You, did you go to my lectures? STUDENT: What? TEACHER: I’m asking you for the last time, were you at my lectures? STUDENT: Well, you guys got into the same thing, honestly. That you don’t have any other questions, or what? Look how much you have! For example, the first question of the second ticket: What is current? TEACHER: Current is the directed movement of electrons. Ugh! STUDENT: Correct, let's move on to the second question... TEACHER: Hello... STUDENT: Hello. As soon as I walked in, I immediately greeted you, but you didn’t answer me. I
I thought maybe you were in some kind of trouble, maybe something happened at your home? TEACHER: Listen, who is the examiner here? STUDENT: Do you have any doubts? I don't have them and can't have them. You are a famous person, a teacher, and if someone says what’s wrong, then I, your beloved student, I’m the first to not know what I’ll do... TEACHER: Yes, I’m seeing you for the first time in my life! STUDENT: So what? Does this make you feel worse, or what? I have never seen you myself. (Shakes teacher's hand). TEACHER: Let go of your hand now! Answer the first question: What is current? STUDENT: Current is the directed movement of electrons. TEACHER: I told you that. STUDENT: Who's arguing with you? TEACHER: I was the first to say what current is. STUDENT: Of course you are. And if someone thinks that Faraday said this, then I’m the first to not know what... TEACHER: Let’s move on to the second question. In front of you is an amplifier. STUDENT: Where? TEACHER: He's not here! STUDENT: Why are you so worried, he’s not there, well, to hell with him. You said that there was an amplifier here, I thought you were serious, but you were joking... Ha-ha-ha! But you are a joker! TEACHER: There is an amplifier! STUDENT: Yes, yes, of course, there is an amplifier, and let someone say that this is not so... TEACHER: Amplifier circuit... What should be put at the input of the amplifier circuit so that the output of the amplifier circuit increases the amplifier circuit? STUDENT: Stop mocking! Is there an amplifier or not? TEACHER: I’m asking you, is there an amplifier or not? Answer directly. STUDENT: Correct, how to answer directly, there are none, I’m sitting in front of you alone, for the umpteenth time. And as you correctly said in your lectures, eyewitnesses told me what you are doing there, how you write correctly in your books, and this is also available to me... TEACHER: How much should you charge? STUDENT: Give me as much as your conscience dictates, but any assistant can give me a B.
Presenter 2.
So, friends, you are all students and how many trials await you all! But even in difficult moments, the student does not cry, but sings!
(Number)
Presenter 1. Dear freshmen! Now you are full members of the most enduring,
Presenter 2.
the most resourceful
Presenter 1. the most fun,
Presenter 2.
the coolest army in the world
Together: armies of students!
Presenter 1. The most incredible adventures await you in classrooms
HOST 2. This amazing evening has come to an end. I really want it to remain in the memory of every freshman for the rest of his life as a celebration of entering a new life. Let it be so! Music is playing. The evening is over. Dance program announced
