Secrets behind the scenes, or a brilliant director's move.
SECRETS OF THE BACKSTAGE, OR A GENIUS DIRECTOR'S MOVE.
Author: Evelina Pizhenko.
A comic sketch about the behind-the-scenes life of an ordinary cultural center, as well as about how creative people get out of any critical situations.
The skit can serve as the basis for a theatrical concert or be shown as a separate production. Perfect for celebrating Cultural Worker's Day, the anniversary of a cultural institution, and other thematic events.
The action lasts for 25 – 30 minutes.
Characters:
MARVANNA . A very middle-aged woman on the outside and very middle-aged on the inside. Cleaning lady at the cultural center.
DIRECTOR OF THE HOUSE OF CULTURE . A strict lady of pleasant appearance.
ARTISTIC DIRECTOR OF THE HOUSE OF CULTURE. A less strict lady, but no less pleasant in appearance.
REVIEWER . A responsible but sentimental lady from the cultural department.
Foyer of the House of Culture. Marvanna is washing the floor. The artistic director runs onto the stage.
ARTIST (Marvanna). Well, Marvanna, are you finished?!
MARVANNA (angrily holds out a rag). Where are you with your dirty feet?!
ARTIST DIRECTOR (automatically wipes his feet on a rag, continues talking). Finished the game, I say?! But I warned!.. I spoke!.. I asked!..
MARVANNA (calmly). What did you ask for? Rake? Or fertilizers?
ARTIST . What fertilizers?! Marvanna, what are you talking about?
MARVANNA . So, you say yourself that you’ve finished the game! And I’ve only been playing “farm” for a long time! And then when it’s not disconnected!
ARTIST. You are joking, but by your grace we have a check! From the Department of Culture!
The Director comes on stage. She is clearly preoccupied and angry about something.
DIRECTOR (to both). Well, are you finished?! Did you jump?!
MARVANNA (puts a rag on the mop, barks angrily). Legs!
DIRECTOR (shudders, obediently wipes his feet) Thank you! (Puts on an angry face again, continues). Finished the game, I say?! She herself!.. (meaningfully raises her index finger up) She goes herself!..
MARVANNA (also angrily) He’s going, he’s going... They’ll trample on him again, and get Marvanna away!
DIRECTOR . You should just shut up! When the inspection arrives, then explain yourself!
MARVANNA (calmly continues to wash the floors). What do I have to do with it? You yourself screwed up, and Marvanna answer!
DIRECTOR . We will, of course, answer for our mistakes! But you distinguished yourself, so distinguished yourself! Surely someone wrote a complaint!
MARVANNA . Just think, a complaint! That's why they came up with the letter, so that people could write complaints!
DIRECTOR . How can you not understand! Now we just don't have enough complaints! Look, it’s time to change the seats in the auditorium, but there’s no funding!
MARVANNA (washes the floor, grumbles). They have no funding! The chairs are not like that! But maybe my mop is not like that!
ARTIST . Marvanna, what kind of mop?! In addition to the old armchairs, our main stage is on its last legs, it’s all faded like a rag! They don’t allocate money to us anyway, but now, according to you... (looks at the Director, corrects himself) according to our... mercy... they will never allocate it at all!
MARVANNA . Look at them! Their curtains have faded! And maybe my rag has faded too! In! (shows).
ARTIST . Well, that's what!.. You go with your rag... you better wipe the floors, otherwise they will write that we have dirt up to our ears!
MARVANNA . So let them write! And I’ll tell them that my bucket is leaking! And I didn’t ask you anything new!
ARTIST (waves his hand). It’s better to look around, what’s wrong with us, maybe there’s something missing...
MARVANNA (continues cleaning). Why don’t you have anything! There is no vacuum cleaner, no electric mop, and most importantly, you have no conscience!
ARTIST DRUG. What does conscience have to do with it?
MARVANNA . And at that! Just a little bit - Marvanna, help me out! And now what?! Marvanna - get it?!
DIRECTOR. Why, you're welcome?! We asked you, as an employee of the cultural center, to take part in the production once! What have you done?!
MARVANNA. And I'm not an artist! I don’t care for your productions!
DIRECTOR. This is an amateur activity, do not confuse it with your main job.
MARVANNA. How is it - don’t get confused?! I came home from work and am relaxing! And with your production, I probably didn’t sleep all night studying the role!
ARTIST (mockingly). Marvanna, what role? You have been asked to play Turnip!
MARVANNA . Isn’t Repka a role? It took me maybe three days just to get used to it!
ARTIST . Yes, we got used to it, we got used to it! Your Turnip interrupted Grandfather, Grandmother, Granddaughter and Bug throughout the story, and kept telling her how small her salary was! And when the Mouse came running, Turnip first hit her with a broom, and then chased her all over the stage with her grandfather’s gun at the ready!
MARVANNA . There's no point in breeding rodents! I spread poison in all corners, but they eat! I lie, but they eat! Look how fat they have grown on my poison! They don't fit into holes!
ARTIST . What do real mice have to do with it? This is a fairy-tale character, and Lyubov Vasilievna played him wonderfully! And she, by the way, is also not an artist, but an ordinary cook!
MARVANNA . Exactly! Your Lyubov Vasilyevna is used to trying everything in her dining room, so she played naturally. (Into the hall). This mouse came out, cheeks - wow! (Shows). Yes, she’s not only a turnip, she’ll tear out a hundred-year-old oak tree with a whistle, and won’t bat an eyelid! And here you work and work... And there’s nothing to take home!
ARTIST . Marvanna! Shame on you!
DIRECTOR. Girls, girls! Time is running out! Maria Ivanovna, please take care of your direct responsibilities! Don’t forget to water the flowers and check everything on stage!
ARTIST . Just an earnest request: be careful with the decorations!
MARVANNA . What will they do to your decorations! They gave in to me painfully!
DIRECTOR . And who last time replaced the image of the hearth for the production of “The Golden Key” with the plan for the evacuation of the club?!
MARVANNA . It would be better if they thanked me! In the toilet, someone wrote an obscene word on the wall with paint, so I had to hang your fireplace there! And besides the evacuation plan, there were no other replacement paintings! They themselves said that the firefighters should come! Who will look at that plan in the foyer? And here it is hanging on the stage, in the most visible place!
ARTIST . Marvanna, are you out of your mind?! I had Pinocchio standing silently for half an hour, with those eyes looking out for where the emergency exit was in that picture, where to insert the golden key!
DIRECTOR . What else! And “Mukha-Tsokotukha”?! Why did you sweep the stage right before the performance?
MARVANNA . You won't please! Either sweep the stage or don't sweep the stage!
DIRECTOR . You destroyed the props!
MARVANNA . What kind of props are these?
DIRECTOR . Money! There was money lying on the floor!
MARVANNA . Why was she lying there?! The money should be in the savings book!
DIRECTOR. She was lying there according to the script! Have you read the fairy tale? A fly walked across the field, the fly found some money! And after your cleaning, Mukha crawled all over the stage, tore her tights at her knees, but there was no money!
MARVANNA . Just think! By the way, I didn’t receive an award last month either!
ARTIST . So no one was given a prize! Because because of you, the performance went the wrong way!
MARVANNA . Tell me please! What kind of scenario is this?
ARTIST DRUG. And according to this! There was a performance for younger children, but by your grace it turned into an erotic performance “eighteen plus”!
MARVANNA. Interesting thing! What do I have to do with it?
ARTIST DRUG. Do you remember what happened next in the text?
MARVANNA . No!
ARTISTIC DIRECTOR and DIRECTOR (in unison). Mucha went to the market and bought a samovar!
MARVANNA . Here! Even Mukha bought a samovar! And I haven’t been able to ask you for a new kettle for three years now!
ARTIST . What does your kettle have to do with it? Because of you, Mukha had to bargain without money! Did you see how much she paid for that samovar?!
DIRECTOR (raises his finger meaningfully). Yes, she had to sell her body!
MARVANNA . Oh, we were surprised! Yes, this Lyudka the secretary, who played Mukha, buys everything in life like that, without money! Should she get used to it or something? I twirled my butt in front of the boss (shows) - here are some new earrings for you! She shook her chest (she shows again) - she went to a foreign resort in a neighboring area! And I’ve been waiting for your laundry soap for three years!
Dear friends! Those who are interested in this script can receive its full version if they write to me by email:
ehvelina— [email protected]
The low price is a modest thank you to the author for his work.
Using this scenario, you can have a wonderful holiday that you and your audience will remember!
Sincerely yours, author Evelina Pizhenko
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