Cool congratulations from a personnel worker
May 24 and October 12
We are such cadres - we have an eye and an eye, The HR department keeps us under control. The personnel officer knows everything there is to know about us. In the folder there is a file and a work book.
Everyone started from this department, nervously submitting their resume to personnel. Everything in this department - time sheets and sick leave And even changes in our personal lives.
Thanks to the HR officers for their honest work. We wish you success and sincere smiles. Our team loves you and respects you very much. Let your salaries be increased regularly.
Even on a holiday, your department gets tired of important things. Time sheet, vacation and sick leave - It’s simply indecent to manage the staff, to work on the HR officer’s day. We wish you today to do whatever you want. Discipline may be lame Today the personnel officer is walking!
Here you can find all the information about us - Registration, age, employment. Employee records are kept and the personnel officer knows everything about us.
Some are on vacation, some are on sick leave, some are combining positions, and changes in personal life are pedantically noted here.
We congratulate the HR department. He means a lot to us and from the bottom of our hearts we wish him health, happiness and good luck.
Professional holiday Today for personnel officers. It is not by chance that we have gathered here to say a lot of kind words to them.
We congratulate you all together, May your bosses appreciate you very much. We wish you big salaries and all your wishes come true.
So that your eyes sparkle, So that your work is respected! And may comfort, warmth, and coziness always reign in your department.
In life, personnel decide everything, the HR department knows this, it is in worries and works, the team is entirely in their hands.
A lot of personnel visited the HR Department. But our ladies selected the best (that is, us) to work.
Enjoy your work, you are our wonderful flowers. And relax more often. Happy holiday, personnel officers!
HR personnel is indispensable for enterprises on earth! Without OK there is no life, but horror, No salary, no rest! All questions and problems, vacation schemes, the highest bonus limit - this is what the personnel department breathes! Life today is not easy, On this HR Day, admit in your soul that without them, at least quit! Today, the personnel, down on one knee, HR, inspectors! He shouts to you - “Gib-gib-urra.” "
You will lure the candidate with a sweet fairy tale and, having quickly completed it, present it to the authorities while it’s still warm! Happy HR Day! Don't get lost in the documentation, be strict but fair! Let the working day pass in silence, and there will be no work left for tomorrow, and on the weekend there will be an extra and very happy hour for every hour!
There is such a job, the best in the world - This is to demand a photo, a three by four photo.
Look, if necessary, And at the military ID... People of the personnel service On this day, many years to come!
Let them take vacation applications to your department, so that whoever takes them will simply become younger at heart!
Between the outside world and the company there is a reliable guard who will allow only the most worthy into the work monastery, and today we rush to him with a business bow and warm congratulations, because our personnel officer is fully worthy of this! Be tireless and assiduous, look at candidates as if they were transparent glass, and most importantly - never grow old at heart and remain yourself!
Every company needs different personnel every day. For everyday work, different personnel are important. You are the best of the best, You see through people Best wishes - We want to say it quickly. Let work be a fairy tale! On this personnel officer’s day, let us wish you without fear, so that life is sweet! Documents are like clouds. Don't let them put pressure on you. May you not be cooler - We wish you everything lovingly!
The administrative worker works quietly, clearly demands the required documents and, after thinking carefully, decides the fate of the applicants. And besides, he has a thousand responsibilities! On Personnel Officer's Day, we wish our good worker not to know fatigue and always smile, and also live to be a hundred years old!
We have been waiting for this day for a long time, and this date has finally arrived - We congratulate the HR department employees on HR Day. May you always be lucky in all your endeavors, May your work team love you, may your personnel records be in order, and may your life go on positively!
Close-up! Motor! The beginning of filming - Only the personnel officer is in the frame now! Don't shout so loudly around him/her - HR is used to silence! Here, any question you have about people will be answered for sure; But we won’t ask today - Happy HR Day!
The administrative worker makes up our team, like a brilliant team, and we completely trust him, we know that even with his eyes closed he will find the required form, and if something happens, he will not skimp on good recommendations! We sincerely wish him success in his work and happiness in his personal life!
People - the main capital - became gold today! Happy holiday, personnel officers! Statements overlords, Vacation founders, Staff members parents! May your everyday work life not be hard for you! You are the forefront in everything, you are the helmsmen of the company!
Funny ditties for corporate parties
No holiday is complete without fun and a corporate event is no exception. How nice it is to be invited to a friendly get-together with colleagues and relax in the company of friends.
Nice music, delicious food, luxurious decorations... But you can’t help but feel like something is missing... We know what! Ditties! That's what's missing for your corporate event! Playful quatrains that will absolutely lift the spirits of all guests! And we have prepared a whole list for you!
We had to work for a year
Overwork, And today we don’t mind relaxing a little!
Mix whiskey and rum -
To walk beautifully! Team spirit is enhanced by all corporate events!
Like a turkey drunk proudly,
Don't hit your neighbor in the face. Let him also be drunk and smoke - Tomorrow we will work with him again!
Oh, sit down, colleague, be quiet -
Better for everyone's health
Water dousing. But don’t water everything down to the ground with obscenities!
We know that they will definitely appreciate it
Girls and boys - Let them dream of the boss at night, All in a bunny suit!
Willow grows on the road,
And there are magpies on it... So that the strict guard becomes hoarse in this karaoke!
Snooker, rafting and paintball,
Racing coaster... Let it go! But if only there was a table with a bowl of caviar!
In the relay race he went around
Svetka, oh, I’m a aunt! It won’t be good for me - Svetka is from the accounting department!
To see the salary stupidly,
I need a large magnifying glass, and a strong eye for binoculars, to notice my advance.
I don't go to lunch
There is no time for food. And I don’t smoke in the smoking room... I only burn with solitaire!
Let us remember our native department -
Everyone in the department is out of work. Even if you accidentally spit, you'll end up in your neighbor's tea!
Nadenka or Lyubochka. The wiser and older she is, the longer the skirt.
I'm walking with Pavlukha. And if his boss fires him, Ilyukha is okay too.
If they hit you in the nose, it’s offensive.
It was a bastard bandit. If the bonus is not visible, it’s the crisis’s fault!
We have checks every day.
We've been hanging on our ears for a long time. It is clear that serfdom did not change in Rus'.
A holiday is not your everyday life!
Together, as a sign of protest, we will collectively forget about test reports!
So that the evening thunders like rocks -
This concerns everyone. Let the competitors shake - They rush to their heels!
The entire IT department -
Not kinder than traffic cops. If you don’t pour them a shot, the buttons won’t show.
They used to fight heroically
On swords and clubs, And now everyone is on their mobile phone, poking around at the keys!
Marketers here too
They will fume a lot. Everyone sits and just drinks, And they promote themselves!
Sales department on Yulu
Looks like a clockwork They will sell in addition to business Even their own mother!
The HR department is very cool -
I want to bow. They will recruit new professionals - They will save you from loneliness!
Remember, your friend is very valuable
Russian correct joke: Don’t forget to take brine with you for the coming day.
Let the sheep bleat in the morning
And the nightingales sing, But our smart little heads won’t get sick!
Next ditty
Jokes about the HR department
A phone call is heard in the office: “Hello, do you need a head of HR?” - No, not needed. “Then why the hell are you keeping him?”
Conversation between colleagues in the HR department: - Masha, are you a good cook? - Yes, why? - Prepare a deputy. director to be dismissed. His heart is weak.
And from the statement: “How do I feel…” Crossed out. “Fuck you all...” Crossed out. “Please grant me another vacation.”
The owner of a large company called the HR director and said: “My son will soon graduate from college and is looking for a job.” I'm thinking of taking him as your new assistant. But I ask you not to give him any preference over others. Treat him the same as any other son of mine!
A man fills out a form in the HR department. When asked what languages you speak, he answers: “Russian, industrial and obscene.” The personnel officer looks over his shoulder: “Production and swearing are the same thing.”
Human Resources Department. The personnel officer reads the resume of a job applicant - among other things, it says: “I speak a foreign language with a dictionary.” Question from the personnel officer: - What language? - What a dictionary.
Reason for leaving - Why did you leave your previous job? - Because of fatigue. - What kind of fatigue? “I don’t know, they just said that they were very tired of me.”
Call the HR department regarding an advertisement. —Are you still hiring? - Yes. Who are you? - Black person. — Will it suit the laborers? — .
Interview. The personnel officer reads the candidate’s work book for his last place of work: - Hired on January 16, and quit on January 24 of the same year. Why? “The more I sobered up, the less I liked it there.”
An applicant undergoes a job interview. The manager explains the task. Manager: - You come to work, turn on the switch, sit for 8 hours, turn off the switch, go home. Understood? Applicant: - I don’t understand. Manager: - You come to work, turn on the switch, sit for 8 hours, turn off the switch, go home. Understood? Applicant: - I don’t understand. Manager: - You come to work, turn on the switch, sit for 8 hours, turn off the switch, go home. Understood? Applicant: - Well, you're fucking stupid, I'm telling you for the third time - I don't understand!!
Is this the personnel department? Secretary - Yes! - You need “personnel” for work.
- Pyotr Ivanovich! Master Zababakhin has nowhere to write reprimands. The entire personal card is filled out. - Make an insert. You shouldn’t fire an intelligent mechanic over such a trifle.
- God! And where do you get such idiots?! “And this is what our HR department does.”
Hello! Human Resources Department? Hello. My last name is Rabinovich. Do you need such specialists?
The head of the enterprise calls the head of the personnel department and asks: “Do we have a young, promising employee who can subsequently replace me?” - Yes, that’s exactly what it is! — Prepare documents for dismissal!
Are you young, educated, smart and sociable? Do you want to earn up to $3000 per month? Do you want to go on business trips abroad? So you're out of luck - we're looking for a locksmith and a janitor!
The general’s daughter liked the young FSB lieutenant. The next day he is called to the Personnel Department and told: “We are sending you on a long business trip for 5 years in France.” Your legend. You are a millionaire, owner of houses and ships. With such joy, he begins to drink for a week and carelessly calls this general an “asshole.” The next day they call him again: “Your legend is changing.” The accounting department did not approve the estimate. According to legend, you are a one-eyed homosexual who spends the night under a bridge.
The cannibals came to get a job. They were accepted on one condition - that they should not eat anyone. A week passes, another, a month - everything is fine. Six months later, suddenly: the floors were unwashed, the dust had not been wiped off - the cleaning lady had disappeared. The director called the cannibals to his place and asked if they ate the cleaning lady? They refuse, not us, they say how can it be! They promised! Somehow they got away with it. After this, the cannibals in their kindlings gathered and the leader began to yell at them: “They ate a manager a week, no one realized it, but here.” I told you: there are no cleaning ladies.
In the HR department: - How long did you work in your previous place? - Ten years. - Commendable! Why did you leave? - According to the amnesty.
The Society of the Blind will hire a secretary who is pleasant to the touch.
A man walks into the HR department and says, winking: “Take me to work.” The director replies: “Your eye is blinking, young man.” M: It’s nothing, it’s a tick, now I’ll take a sip of aspirin and everything will go away, you’ll see. He starts rummaging through his pockets and dumps a bunch of condoms on the table. D: Well, no, it’s fine, but we won’t tolerate debauchery! M: Yes, they have already tortured me in pharmacies. I tell them in a good way: “Give me (winks) aspirin.”
And there is an interview: the director, the personnel officer and the applicant. Director - do you drink? Applicant - yes! Director - a lot? Applicant - how much will they pour? Director - and yet how much is the maximum? Applicant - a bucket of vodka! Director - let's take it! Personnel officer - he’s an alcoholic?! The director is not true, he knows when to stop.
Resume for the vacancy “Warehouse operator”. Girl, 19 years old, sociable, attentive, quickly gets along with the male team.
In the HR department: - Unfortunately, we cannot accept you! - Why? — You were fired from your previous job due to inadequacy for the position you held! - Absolutely right! I am worthy of a higher position!
A man comes to get a job. The HR department tells him: “For the first 2 months you will receive $800 a month, and then $1000.” - Okay, then I’ll probably come back in 2 months.
Production ditties
I drank a lot of milk, that’s why I’m still alive.
. AND AQUARIUS EXCLAIMED: – HAPPY VOLTA ANNIVERSARY.
(02/07/2019 = (80). Author
“Keep your ears open”, Whoever hears about himself. We will sing ditties for you, tugging at your negligence.
Oh, thank you, Sasha RAK, GRUDKIN taught you: He took off the belt from the mince mixer, - The flask filling came to the rescue!
AGAFONOV, AGAFONOV, Don’t sit by the phones - There is an overexpenditure on fuel and lubricants, There are no coupons for the whole year!
The guards at the gate starved us to death: Who was able to take away the garbage truck under their noses?
We have an instrumental - Two sledgehammers, two keys. How can you not feel sorry for USTINOV? I feel very sorry for Ilyich!
Oh, supply, you supply - Drummer Hares. There is no oxygen in the warehouse - Welders are out of work!
No oil, no belts, no nuts, no bolts. Pal Vasilich, have pity on the Mechanic - Voltik!
Don’t look for a reason, the shelves are needed, even if you cry! Don't drag your feet, our dear snorer!
It’s getting more and more difficult from year to year - Not work - just laughter: Two factories, two factories, - The machine shop is suffocating!
They brought us gears - the wrong module - one defect. The cows were milked in vain, they ate hay and beet.
Gears with RMM They promised us by winter. Promises the REMAINERS to get them in the end!
All the engines “burned out” - I want to swear, - Oh, hurry up, come out of vacation, the wrapper!
“More action - less words” - The drivers were crying: We stood at the reception for five hours Again!
The adjusters have a mechanic - Oh, comrades, it’s small: There are vices and machines, They smoke there and “beat the goat”!
The issue with wheelbarrows is not new, - Follow the instructions! Oh, Comrade KURENOV, Take out the products!
There was a common problem - Eh, canteen food. And now - honor to the workers: It’s delicious to eat!
Oh, our Zaurbiy, HOTKO, We drink sourdough, milk. We don’t want a different fate - We often go mushroom hunting!
We save the whole world, We try very hard, And having made a waste of kefir, We are only surprised!
The apparatchiks sang a ditty song: “They tore apart” the OPU - Complain, “at least to PUSHKIN”!
TRETYACHENKO - our Tanya - The children are asking very much: “Master of baby food, Glue the labels”!
GUREEV drank with us - We don’t regret him. Let's fight drunkenness as soon as possible, let's impose discipline!
Lenochka went into the canteen, didn’t take off her white robe - hung her head down - Shame, shame on the plant!
Our dairy union brought one watermelon. He promised vegetables too - You won’t see them like ears!
We sang ditties for you to the best of our inspiration. What is actually wrong - We apologize!
1. KMK - Krasnodar Dairy Plant. 2. OPU – Pasteurization and cooling unit for milk. 3. RMM – Mechanical Repair Workshop. 4. Mechanic Voltik – Author (V.Ya.).
Ditties about work.
Oh, you work, work, Just don’t get into your soul! I want to send you - to knock off your ambition and arrogance!
In the office in the morning Sexual chatter. So that people can plow faster, Deputy Deputy is barefoot in bulk!
I respect the director, I’m always on first name terms with her. And taking off her panties, I lie to her about love.
Fever at work - The bastard stole some bolt. The boss promised to rip everyone's anal wholesale for order.
At work we talk about pi...de Just pi...dim. At home with your woman Weak for intimacy.
I'm like a hunted deer - I'm running out of strength. Babes are both night and day - There seem to be more children!
I don’t go to work - I don’t give in to illness. I’m lying there with a bottle - Vodka is healthier for me!
Man was created by labor from a stupid monkey. Yes, scientists lie all the time, to line their pockets!
Since childhood, I have been tormented by a terrible octopus, I am in its captivity. This octopus is called labor, I can’t stand it anymore!
My wife left me - Drone, they say, is a slacker! The whole week is a hard Monday for me.
We only see children in our dreams - How they frolic! My wife and I are too lazy to have sex!
My head is gone! Tell me what to do: Even my desk at work I managed to drink away!
If you work without passion, the service is painfully sweet: Without wine and without a career, Your head won’t spin.
This is the last day I’ve been walking, I’m going out of desperation: I’ll break all the shovels, I won’t go to give up tomorrow.
Our factory is tall and has a green roof. Pray, women, to God: She would fail.
The miner has a soul in his body, And lice have eaten away his shirt. The miner chops, the miner hits, the miner suffers and lives.
Ay, my friends, they are all happy. And I, girls, in sadness, They pumped me into the factory.
Our owner receives profits from the plant. Only pennies remain for us from that work.
Hey, the factory is making copper pipes. Look at the factory workers, how pale they are.
Nadya Krupskaya drunkenly gave herself to Dzerzhinsky. And the entire Cheka went to the root of Menzhinsky. Oh my god, drink vodka and vomit. You have to be careful in this kind of work.
The Seventeenth Congress passed, there was a Pyrrhic victory. That’s why they killed Kirov after him. Holy shit, the guns are loaded. He could still live if not for other people's wives.
A Russian is riding on a horse, followed by two Tatars. The traitor Bukharin was shot in the spring. Oh, for fuck's sake, hide the papers in the chest. Our glorious Bukharchik got tongue-tied.
Ten thousand kilometers from Moscow to Vladik, Pyatakov and Radek were shot. Damn the shitty weather. They turned out to be enemies of the people.
It's the thirty-seventh yard. They're sewing quilted jackets for the people. They're all set up against the wall. Lenin's comrades Oh, fuck your mother, to hell with prostitution. There was no point in starting a bloody Revolution.
Marshal Blucher once lost his trust. He was shot at the same hour by Lavrusha Beria. Oh, for your mother’s sake, remember Sasha Nevsky, Vasya shouldn’t have sued Misha Tukhachevsky.
In this life, dying and living is nothing new. Lavrentiy Palych shot Marshal Yezhov. Holy shit, there's scale in my left eye. It turned out that Yezhov had more than Stalin.
The ice pick lies covered in blood and the brain is scattered on the floor. Then Mercader charged Trotsky on the dome. Holy shit, the grocery store is closed. And why should there be grief - a Jew killed a Jew.
It's spring weather outside. The Pope of all nations finally glued the fins together. Oh, for fuck's sake, there is no Messiah now. Soon he will again be in the Name of Russia.
Funny funny ditties
“Oh,” sighs Grandma Dusya, “I’m afraid to clean the subway.” As soon as I tilted, they immediately inserted a token!
*****
The gypsy says to the gypsy: “I’ve had a bottle on the table for a long time, Let’s go and have a drink, my dear!”
*****
Usually, when I get drunk, I bang my head against the wall. Either the alcohol is working, or it's due to age.
*****
We were hungover in the morning and hit a kangaroo in the face. Only in the evening did they figure out that their neighbor’s nose had been broken.
*****
It used to be, it’s a shame, you can’t see your legs from under your skirt. And now, here is grace - As soon as it bends down, you can see everything.
*****
Oh, you offended me, an unkissed girl! When you go to bed, I’ll crawl up and bite everything off for you!
*****
Come on, girls, don’t yawn, but hurry up and fly in, While I’m still free, young and fertile!
*****
Two prostitutes in a restaurant gave a presentation. For a whole year then the entire administration was treated.
*****
My little darling is crazy. He offered me oral sex. We climbed under the blanket - He was screaming, and I was screaming.
*****
I watered the flowers on the balcony with a watering can. For some reason the uncle on the bench suddenly became wet...
*****
A plane flies in the sky A boat floats in a pond Along the fence, since my birthday I'm walking tipsy.
*****
The old woman says to her grandfather: “I will go to America, I will enter a brothel, I will live by my labor.”
*****
Volodka, the accordion player, has a jacket worth three hundred rubles, a chervonets worth of pies, and a dime worth of brains.
*****
You shot me through the heart, Look, I’m trembling all over. I'll wait in the hayloft, I'll show you something there!
*****
How harsh Chromosomal affairs are sometimes: Petrov’s wife gave birth to a Negro child.
*****
I wish everyone a cutie, and I wish you a fashion model. If he forgets the key at home, he will crawl under the door through the crack.
*****
We walk through the village, We give gifts to everyone, To whom we will give a light slap on the head, To whom we will push into a puddle!
*****
In our army, all soldiers are dressed according to fashion. My fiancé Volodya writes to me: Every day they give me an outfit.
*****
Like in Chernobyl, we got an infection: Men are buying Tampax, And women have erections!
*****
My darling, Igor, Like a bottle of champagne: When you ask him a question, he immediately hits you in the nose!
*****
I was on the hill and gave it to Yegorka, Don’t think bad, I gave it some mohorki.
*****
Who has a hobby, I finally have an atas: I pour, drink, And scare the toilet.
*****
The cook makes cutlets, the horse makes manure. I came to a birthday party and didn’t bring a gift!
*****
One day Fedya didn’t close both faucets in the bathroom, To remind all the neighbors About the fate of the Titanic.
*****
There is firewood on the grass, and a button on the chair. The head overlooked, And the butt suffers!
*****
My wife is a cook, she cooks soup from a cube. Such a cube wouldn't give me a punch.
*****
How many times have they sent a rocket to the moon? Why not push my wife into this rocket?
*****
The girls were running on the ice, they caught a stupid cold. And without this nonsense - Neither here nor here.
*****
There is fog above the ground, zero visibility. A man is lying at the kiosk - Russian real estate.
*****
She came out with a cute little mistake: He suddenly came running home, And in bed - a little drummer And, naturally, with me.
*****
They say alcoholism is a terrible phenomenon. It gives everyone only blood pressure!
*****
Dantes stands on the mountain Under the mountain Pushkin You can’t get into show business through a folding bed.
*****
Speaking about NATO plans, I can’t, friends, without swearing. And in general, friends, I can’t live without swearing!
*****
My little one and I kissed for forty-five whole minutes! As soon as we got up and got dressed, our wives were right there!
*****
A cherry tree is blooming in the garden, and a bird cherry tree is next to it. Oh, why did I marry such a blockhead!
*****
A birthday is a holiday of childhood, even though you are fifty. We will give you a rattle and you will play with it.
*****
I began, brothers, what to hide, I confess in a friendly way, I began to fulfill my civil duty More often than my marital duty.
*****
Silver metal bullshit flew across the sky. There's a lot of Unidentified crap these days.
*****
Together, women, let's raise the ruble. Whom to rely on? This is not the first time for us to lift Everything that moves a little.
*****
My darling kissed me, my darling hugged me, and then he went to someone else, also, apparently, blue.
*****
And my dear policeman is not afraid of a fight, because he has a pistol on his ass.
*****
I took a bite of denatured alcohol and felt some kind of bad. This is the third day in a row that I pooped with Dynamite.
*****
Vanka sits at the gate with his mouth wide open, but the people can’t tell where the gate is and where the mouth is.
*****
Masha saw a bear and was very scared. I even cursed, I was so confused.
*****
The cutie gave me an expensive cologne. I drank it, of course, but moonshine tastes better...
*****
Our installer became somewhat excited in the spring. Even a bare wire evokes ecstasy in him.
*****
Volodka the accordion player has absolutely no brains. His skull is decorated with a bush of spreading antlers.
*****
Our Vanyok was sitting under the maple tree, not with me, but with the punks. I thought it was green, but it turned out to be blue.
*****
The woman was swimming in the pool, and the fat catfish swam into her panties. She cannot forget His long mustache!
*****
My husband bought my non-infectious ointment called “Klerosil”. All the pimples disappeared immediately, even the one I needed.
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See also:
- Cool funny congratulations
- Laughing ditties
- Comic ditties - congratulations
- Funny poems about dad
- Little funny poems
- Funny poems about girls
- Funny aphorisms about spring
- Cheerful congratulations to the man
- Funny wedding photos
- Funny animals - photo
Ditties about corporate events
Our website contains a collection of ditties about corporate events. We read, smile, and maybe even laugh!
Every year for the corporate party we prepare a table with salad, but we still celebrate the holiday drunk and swearing.
We've been overtired at work for a year, and today we don't mind relaxing a little!
We will plant a New Year's pig for the boss, so that he leaves his bad manners in the past.
Our director did a great job. He gave everyone a salary. Well, if he hadn’t, we would have burned the house down!
Mix whiskey with rum - so that you can walk beautifully! Team spirit is enhanced by all corporate events!
On the eve of the Holiday, a marketer wants to have some fun - Dreams of two buckets of vodka, And tickles in his underpants.
Like a proudly drunk turkey, don’t hit your neighbor in the face. Let him also be drunk and fuming - Tomorrow we will work with him again!
Corporate New Year, It was not very positive - Santa Claus vomited. Drunk manager, disgusting.
Here are the mechanics sitting, And they look at us, But we are not embarrassed, We try to sing for them.
