Otherworldly jokes
If you are planning to relax in good company, then you cannot do without good jokes about Halloween. Stock up on marshmallows, candy, popcorn and gather your friends, for example, around the fire. Only the highlight of the program will not be chilling stories, but funny jokes and anecdotes about Halloween. High-quality humor is guaranteed to provide you with an unforgettable pastime and a sea of grins and grins from the devil’s henchmen gathered at the festival.
In this article, we present to your attention selected short Halloween jokes, full of black humor and inveterate sarcasm. The main thing here is not to die of laughter (or fear?).
Witches
Everyone loves being a little evil on Halloween, and if you decide to take it literally and take part in the witching hour, you might want to try one of these on for size.
- Happy Halloween, witches!
- Don't be a simple witch.
- Take a bow, witches.
- The witch's path to candy?
- Bewitched!
- Be "witchy" Halloween.
- You say witch like that's a bad thing.
- This witch can be bribed with chocolate.
- Witch, you better take my candy.
- My broom is broken, so I'm going to see the witches!
The best Halloween jokes about all kinds of evil spirits
Conversation between two vampires:
- Comrade, do you like that long-legged blonde over there?
“Actually, I’ve been looking at the fat man next to her for a long time.” Just think, there is a whole one and a half liters more blood in it!
Conversation of werewolves in a German forest:
- How are you, guy?
- I can’t bear it at all now! I once stole a chicken from local farmers, and then they chased me through the fields with snowmobiles all night.
- Eh, what was I talking about? Let's go to Rossiyushka - werewolves are revered there, they issue shoulder straps, and they hire people to work in the authorities.
Night sortie
Halloween. Night. One of the graves spits a zombie onto the surface, who heads towards his cross and begins to twist it in concentration. His neighbor crawls out of another grave and says indignantly:
- Petya, why are you being shy?
- The Internet is acting up
Pillar
Three vampires in the form of bats are hanging on a tree - one is French, the other is English, the third is Chukchi.
The Frenchman took off and flew off to look for prey, returning fifteen minutes later with blood on his lips. Friends ask him:
- Whoa, who was that?
– Do you see this castle? - the Frenchman answers. “A beautiful girl is sleeping on the second floor, I flew inside through the window and drank her blood.”
Then the Englishman flew away in search of blood. After a while he returns with blood on his face. His comrades ask him:
- Where did you find it?
- I was at the stables. There was such a luxurious mare there, so plump, I drank her blood!
A vampire from Chukotka went hunting. He comes back bloody.
- Wow, how did you manage to drink so much blood?
– Do you see the pillar over there? - answers the Chukchi.
- Well, we see.
- But I didn’t see it.
Paraphrases about different things
.A selection of funny Halloween jokes about witches, vampires, ghosts and other horror stories. Useful for reading and entertainment, creating sketches, skits and scenarios for corporate events or theme parties.
January 11 is Russian Halloween
-What is Halloween? - Well, this is when all the witches, kikimoras, and mermaids get together and organize a Sabbat. — Just don’t confuse Halloween and March 8th!
The drunk got drunk in the cemetery, fell into the grave and fell asleep. He wakes up at night and realizes that he is in a cemetery. He looks at the gravedigger digging a grave. Well, the drunk is in a good mood, he thinks: “Let me scare him.” He found a white sheet somewhere, threw it over his head, approached the gravedigger and screamed so terribly: “UUUUUUU The gravedigger shows with all his appearance that he doesn’t give a damn and continues to dig the grave.” The drunk didn’t understand, he came up from the other side and said even louder and scarier: “UUU-UUU-UUU-UUUUUU The gravedigger doesn’t care again.” The drunk got upset, sighed and went to the exit from the cemetery, even forgot to take off the sheet. He reaches the gate and is almost out, when suddenly there is a gravedigger behind him. Like he hits you in the head with a shovel and calmly says: “Go for a walk, go for a walk, but don’t go out of the territory...
A vampire and a cannibal are chatting. The vampire says: “I’m not a swallower like you: I only drink blood!” “The cannibal replies: “But I don’t leave corpses to decompose...”
Two vampires are talking: - Colleague, how do you like that long-legged blonde over there? “I like the fat guy next to her better.” There is one and a half liters more blood in him.
There is a vampire sleeping in each of us - and every day it gets stronger!
In a German forest, two werewolves meet, one to the other: - How are you, how is life? — It’s bad, the farmers are really fed up with it. If you steal a chicken from them, then they drive you through the fields on snowmobiles for half a day. “That’s what I’m talking about, let’s move to Russia together.” There, our brother the werewolf is respected, they take him to work in the authorities, they give him shoulder straps...
On Halloween night in a cemetery, a zombie crawls out of a grave and begins to twirl a cross in concentration. A second zombie crawls out of a nearby grave and indignantly asks the first: “Kolya, what are you doing there?!” — That Inter shot I have is hissing!
In the kingdom of vampires, a new hit from the group “inveterate swindlers in the church” has appeared: Love me, love me, is it crowded together in my coffin? - better in yours.
A vampire drinks the blood of his victims only in natural conditions; in captivity he gives up this bad habit, because times are like this now: either AIDS or diabetes, you won’t demand a certificate from everyone you bite. In addition, certificates are often forged.
A vampire hangs and smacks his lips with a satisfied face. Another one flies up to him: “What are you doing?” - Tampax! Paradisaic delight!
Three bats hang on a perch, naturally, head down. One suddenly turns head up. The neighboring mouse is different: - Again this hysterical woman fainted.
Three vampire bats hang, French, English and Chukchi. The French vampire took off, flew away, and 15 minutes later returned with blood on his lips. “Yeah,” his friends say. - Who was that? - Do you see that big house? - the Frenchman answers. “There’s a beautiful girl sleeping on the second floor, I flew through the window and drank her blood.” Then the Englishman flew away, flew around and returned with blood on his face. “Bon appetit,” his comrades say to him. -Where have you been? - Do you see that stable? - he answers. “There’s a magnificent horse standing there, whose blood I drank.” The Chukotka vampire flapped his wings and flew away. A few minutes later he comes back covered in blood. - ABOUT! - say the vampires. - How did you do it? - Do you see that pillar? - says the Chukchi vampire. - We see. - But I didn’t see it.
Two vampires meet on Halloween: - Listen, today is a holiday, we should celebrate it! - Ok, let's go to the bar and catch some alcoholics!
Two friends meet. - You know, my neighbor was a vampire! - Yes??? How did you find out? - And they drove an aspen stake into his chest, and he died...
Yesterday you celebrated Halloween, and today you are scary for no reason.
- Who are you? - Kind fairy! - Why with an axe?! - I’m not in a good mood...
Two vampires are sitting on a grave, and a little girl is running around. Runs around and teases. Tongue shows. “Give it back!” the vampires ask her. -Will not give it back! -Give it back! We'll get down on our knees! -Will not give it back! A werewolf walks by. Stops. Looks at this disgrace. - Hey, guys, why are you messing around with her?! Gobble it up - and that's the end of it! -How will we eat it? She stole our glass with teeth!
For a Halloween masquerade, a girl in a store chooses a costume. — How much does a mermaid costume cost? - 7 thousand. - Expensive! What about the bat suit? - 5 thousand. — Also expensive, but this Baba Yaga costume? - Girl, this is a mirror...
Two black cats sit on the roof on Halloween. One says: “Today is so boring!” “Then let’s go outside and start crossing the road for passers-by,” the other one answers.
Two bats hang from the ceiling and watch the speleologists. - Listen, have you ever wondered why the blood doesn’t flow to their legs?
Birthday November 1st, on the night from October 31st to November 1st Halloween It was very pleasant when a crowd of dressed-up witches, monsters and vampires sang in unison “Let the clumsy pedestrians run wild through the puddles”
There's a black coffin on wheels. He drives up to the house, enters the entrance, goes up to the ninth floor, calls the apartment. A girl opens it for him. A vampire leans out of the coffin and shouts: “Give me your heart!” …. Just kidding, just kidding!... Would you like to buy a disc from the new super popular superstar of modern rock? Only you get a 40 percent discount!..Hey, girl? Young woman! No need to turn blue! I was joking about the heart!
— Any suggestions on how to celebrate Halloween in a scarier way?! - Well... You can take off the scary women...
We have a goth girl in our group, in the best traditions of this genre: unwashed black hair, long black robes, pale face, crosses... And then suddenly the other day comes: a short skirt, a pink blouse, curls on her head, and a bunch of heart keychains on the major's purse!... Everyone is shocked... and she says: - What are you staring at! TODAY IS HALLOWEEN!!!
Wife to husband: - Vova! Buy me a carpet! - For now, fly on your broom!
The groom left the registry office and saw a fortune teller. - Tell me! - He extends his palm. She looked at her hand and said: “You can say it in one word: late.”
The woman is a vampire, and she drinks so much blood that the excess pours out of her every month.
Ivan the Fool is walking through the forest, and towards him is a skeleton in rusty armor. He comes up to Ivanushka and says: “I have 2 news for you, Ivanushka: good and bad.” Where to start? - With a good one! - Ivanushka, I am not Koschey the Deathless! - Phew, it's gone! Well now let's get bad! - I am Count Dracula!
A young vampire walks through the forest and sees: an old vampire sitting in front of a girl tied to a tree. And the young man says: “Why are you sitting?” - I am hungry. - Bite her neck and drink all the blood! - I can’t. All teeth fell out. “Then tear her chest and tear out her heart!” - I can’t. All the claws have been ground down. - Why are you sitting and waiting? - What! Period!
A drunk walks through a cemetery at night, and there is an empty grave. Well, he didn’t see and fell. Fell asleep. In the morning I was frozen and woke up, somehow got out, walked and trembled, all dirty. A guard comes towards you: “Is it cold?” - Dddah! - Why did you dig up?
What can you call a witch who lives on the beach?.. Sand Witch.
— How did you spend Halloween? — we dressed up as parents and sat with the child
— How do you recognize a vampire or a person you see in the dark dungeon of an abandoned castle? - Shoot him with a regular bullet. If he dies, then it was a person, and if not, then you will soon die.
What a philanthropist I am, the vampire thought, sinking his teeth into the neck of his next victim.
-What is the difference between a fairy and a witch? - A year of marriage.
Who will you be for Halloween? Technical support employee.
Cemetery, night. The vampire slowly crawls out of his grave. A convict who escaped from prison approaches him and says: “Brother, I need to hide.”
The sorcerer is a witch who hasn't had much luck.
— Is your Halloween costume ready yet? Who will you be? - Hunter of ghosts, vampires and other evil spirits - Professor Van Hellsing? - Scooby-Doo.
A kitten walks with its mother in the forest in the evening. A bat flies past them. The kitten stops and looks after her enthusiastically: “Mom, look, the angel has flown!”
— Who watched a horror film about vampires yesterday? - I! - Go and clean up after yourself.
A vampire is lying in a coffin, and suddenly someone knocks on the lid. - Is it already midnight? Is it time to get up? - No, this is a census of unregistered burials. It's time for your clan to pay taxes! “And you can’t hide from tax inspectors underground!”
The vampire is lying in a coffin, and again someone knocks on the lid. - Well, who else did the difficult one bring there? - I'm your postman. You have received a personal message in your inbox!
The vampire lies in his coffin, and then the knock is heard again. - How tired of you all are already! Now moles, now archaeologists, now miners, now Tom Sawyer with a dead cat! Either a tax inspector, or a postman, or an idiot with duct tape! Not a cemetery, but a passage yard!
The mosquito flies very eagerly, I probably haven’t tasted blood for a month. He sees a vampire flying towards him, his nose and mouth covered in fresh blood. The mosquito flies up to him and impatiently asks: - Listen, I beg you, tell me where you got it. The vampire looked at him tiredly and said: - You see the castle... The mosquito joyfully: - Yes, yes, I see, I see! The vampire ran his hand over his face and added: “But I didn’t see...
A bat flies in the dark and crashes into a wall as fast as it can. He sits below, scratching his head: “Damn, I’ll kill myself someday with this player!”
The little boy went down to the basement, The good uncle didn’t wait long... The basement doors quickly closed, The vampires ate deliciously today.
- Mom, mom, I saw my grandmother! “How many times have I told you: don’t dig deep in the sandbox.”
Miss Halloween. The most terrible woman in the world. After meeting her, even bald men turn gray with horror.
Can a comment on a girl's Halloween photo, "You're the scariest," be considered a compliment?
— My grandfather was a vampire. - How do you know? “And I stabbed him with an aspen stake and he died.”
Every Halloween, a fat girl has to choose what would be scarier to wear: leggings, leggings or a miniskirt?
On Halloween, the girl Lucy dressed up as a joke in a prostitute costume, but the next morning she counted the money she had earned - and suddenly it dawned on her...
On Halloween, children dress up as evil spirits and beg for sweets; in the girls' world, this is the only day of the year when you can pretend to be a whore without losing your status.
I'll dress up as the Blue Screen of Death for Halloween!
For Halloween, she dressed up as a prostitute as a joke. In the morning, after counting the money in her wallet, it suddenly dawned on her...
“I’ll come to Halloween dressed as a paycheck.” - You're always late.
I'll come to Halloween dressed as Monday.
— On Halloween I was in a horse costume! - What's with the mane and apples? - No, in a coat.
Inspired by advertising: - Why doesn’t Count Dracula suck anything?
“If you don’t lie around, you don’t eat,” the vampire said disgustedly, pulling a particularly reluctant victim out of the ditch.
Don't kill vampires! Your blood flows in them!!
Evil spirits gather on Bald Mountain. Two ghouls stand guard at the entrance. “Name?”—“Koschei.” "Profession?" - “Immortal.” “Come in! Next! Name?”—“Dracula.” “Profession?”— “Vampire Count.” “Come in! Next! Name?" - “Cap.” “Profession?”—“Red.” “Hmm... Well, okay, come in!” -Why did you miss her? Is she unclean? - asks the second ghoul. - Come on, she’ll get attached and call her grandma! The only thing we missed here was Yaga!
- But remember, Cinderella, that at exactly midnight your head will turn into a pumpkin! - the good fairy shouted after the leaving carriage. But Cinderella no longer heard her. This is how Halloween was born!
Night. Dark streets, remote area. The girl escapes from the rapist, runs without making out the road. On the way he meets a vampire. “Fortunately,” the girl thought. “For breakfast,” the vampire thought.
About the dead it is either good or nothing. For example: “He's dead. Fine".
She: - Children are a celebration of life. He: - Yeah, eternal Halloween!
Postcard: “Dear mother-in-law! I sincerely congratulate you on your professional holiday - Halloween!”
- Dad, there’s no such thing as a witch? Father, looking at his mother-in-law: “When I was little, I thought so too.”
- Dad, who are witches? - These are the women with brooms. By the way, let's go for a walk. Grandma will start cleaning now.
Sayings from hunters of evil spirits. - The bullet is not a sparrow, if it flies out, you won’t catch it. - The bullet is a fool, the stake is a good guy. - Measure seven times, score once. - Either your chest is covered in crosses, or your head is in the bushes. “You can’t raise a dead person from the grave without magical power.”
Why don't vampires like skeletons? When you're hungry, you pull at this guy's neck, and then you won't be able to get his teeth back.
Why do vampires periodically turn to dentists? To improve the bite.
Why do witches still use brooms even in the 21st century? Vacuum cleaners are simply too heavy to fly.
Why don't all ghosts come out in public on Halloween? Some of them simply have nothing to wear, no suitable body.
Why aren't skeletons afraid of anything? They have nothing to lose but their bones.
— Why is Halloween considered a spooky day? - Because on this day, witches, kikimores, hedgehog grandmothers, mermaids, furies, harpies, gorgons, vixens, Valkyries and other evil spirits gather together and have a Sabbath. — Just don’t confuse Halloween and March 8th...
- Hello, girls, who are you today? - And we are witches. - And we are the Holy Inquisition - So you will burn us at the stake? - No, fry.
A ghost comes to a psychiatrist on the eve of Halloween: - Doctor!!! Help!!! What should I do if I don't believe in myself???
A woman comes to a magic salon. She is met by a very colorful sorcerer in a robe, with a crystal ball, a wand and other bells and whistles and asks her to tell the essence of the problem. The woman says: “I have three children, I earn pennies at work, and my husband, such a bastard, left for an 18-year-old girl.” Give me back my husband, I’ll pay whatever you want. Of course, the sorcerer answers her: “I’ll do everything, pay 1000 rubles to the cashier.” If something goes wrong, come again. The woman pays and leaves. She returns a week later, all shabby and with bulging eyes. The sorcerer told her: “What happened?” Has your husband never returned? He answered: “He returned, but the first one whom I buried 10 years ago.”
A guy escorts a girl home late at night. To keep the conversation going, he asks: “Girl, aren’t you afraid of vampires and werewolves of all kinds?” “No, but why be afraid of us?”
Selling a double coffin.
Two men are talking: “I have a scary wife, just very scary.” But yesterday I fulfilled my marital duties. - How did you decide to do this? - It's Halloween after all. . .
Conversation at a Halloween party: - Girl! Who are you?.. - I’m a good fairy!.. - Why with an ax?.. - Yes, I’m not in a very good mood...
Advertisement for funeral bureaus
The vampires decided to get together and have fun. The appointed time has come - everyone is assembled, one vampire is missing. Everyone is waiting for him, waiting, and finally he comes. - Why are you late? - Sorry, I was delayed. On the way, a stranger accosted me, introduced himself as Anton Gorodetsky and asked for a long time about some kind of license...
- Private Gorodetsky! - I. - Get out of the darkness, damn it! Two vampire outfits out of turn!
The most useless thing on earth is a fence in a cemetery! Nobody can go outside, and no one wants to go inside.
— Syoma, who will you be for Halloween? - A drunk alcoholic! - Again?!..
Two vampires are sitting, looking out for the victim: “Let’s bite that guy over there.” - No..., he’s drunk as hell, and I’m stuck...
Two vampire vampires are sitting - Do you have a glass? - No - Will it come from your throat?
A drug addict sits in a cemetery at night, smoking weed. Behind him a dead man crawls out of the grave and thinks, “Now I’ll scare him.” He approaches the drug addict and says: “Let me take a drag!” The narc calmly hands it to him: “Here, take a drag.” The dead man took a drag, walked away, and thought, “Somehow I didn’t scare him.” He tears his skin, rips out his eye, comes up again: “Listen, let me take one more drag!” Narc: - Well, take a drag. The dead guy walks away, thinking, “Damn, how can I scare him?” He tears off his arm and leg, and then crawls up: “Let me take another drag!!!” Narc: - I won’t! - Why??? - It's bad for your health!!
Dictionary: Fly out into the chimney - contact evil spirits.
Listen, where are you going for Halloween? To Army
The vampire caught an American, a German and a Russian. And he said: whoever makes me laugh, I’ll let you go. The American started making stupid jokes - the vampire ate him. It's the same with the Germans. Russian: “Let’s smoke!” Vampire: “What is this? You must make me laugh! Okay, let's go. We got high and smoked for an hour. Vampire: “Well, go.” The Russian came out and ran, and a minute later he felt a hand on his shoulder. Vampire: “Sorry, it’s time to eat.”
Spray "Bald Mountain" will keep your hair flawless when flying on a broom, even in strong winds.
Scary Halloween riddle: “What passes around the cemetery but doesn’t move???” Guess: “Fence!!!”
Scary Halloween sign: “A black cat breaks a mirror with an empty bucket!”
A pathologist's nightmare: grateful clients call at night.
Those who say that the Halloween holiday is not suitable for Russia either do not know Halloween or Russia well.
On the eve of Halloween, my aunt spends two hours choosing a gift for herself in the store. The seller can barely contain himself. Finally, having gone through everything, the aunt decides to buy a broom. The seller very politely: “Madam, should I wrap it up or will you fly?”
Three vampires come to a restaurant, a waiter approaches them and takes an order: The first vampire orders: “I want a glass of venous blood!” 2nd vampire: - I need a glass of arterial blood! 3rd vampire: - Well, I’ll have a glass of boiling water! (Takes out a tampon) I’ll indulge in some tea.
-Who will you be for Halloween? - Unpainted...
-Who will you be for Halloween? “I will be myself and tell everyone the truth.” Believe me, it's very scary.
In the morning at the office, one friend asks another: “How did you celebrate Halloween?” - In club. That's terrible. - Are you really scared? - Yes, if only they scared...... They also tapped on the pumpkin!
The student comes home and complains to her mother: “They tease me as a vampire!” Mom says: “They are all fools, you better eat your soup before it curdles.”
Halloween. Literal translation: Hello, Department of Corrections.
Halloween is a holiday of all evil spirits in America... In Russia there is also a holiday when all the dead go out into the streets - this is January 1...
-What's all the noise outside, Barrymore? — People celebrate Halloween, sir. - What does it mean? - All Hallows Even, All Saints' Evening, or Hallowe'en. - Why do they look like devils and ghouls? “They believe that the demons who come out through the “spirit gates,” which opened on this day for the Celtic New Year, will accept them as their own and will not touch them. - What do saints have to do with it? -...It's just an excuse to get drunk, sir.
I'm so scary that all my friends dressed up as me for Halloween.
- The true witch, who is she? - Halloween script
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- How to become a monster? Makeup for Halloween
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Halloween jokes
– Sasha, who will you play for Halloween? - A drunk alcoholic! - Again?!
Those who insist that the holiday of the decaying West, Halloween, is not suitable for Russia, either know little about Halloween or about Russia.
On Halloween, children dress up as evil spirits and beg for sweets. This is the only day of the year when a girl can pretend to be a whore while maintaining her respectable status.
- Son, what is this Halloween of yours? - Well, dad, this is when all the kikimores, witches and mermaids gather in one place and have a coven. - Don’t confuse Halloween with March 8!
Every Halloween, a fat woman faces a dilemma: what would be scarier to wear - leggings, a miniskirt or leggings?
Conversation between two men: - I have a terribly scary wife. Yesterday I dared to fulfill my marital duty. - How did you decide? - Well, it's Halloween.
– How will you make up for Halloween?
- I don’t even need to put on makeup...
A girl chooses a costume for herself in a store for a Halloween party. – How much does a mermaid costume cost? - Seven thousand. - Wow, how expensive! And the bat? - Five thousand. - Hmm, still expensive. And what about the costume of this Baba Yaga? – Girl, you are pointing to the mirror.
-Barrymore, what's all the noise on the street? -Halloween, sir. - What kind of fruit is this? - All Saints' Eve, sir. “Then why do they all look like ghouls and devils?” “They believe that the demons who came out through the spirit gates that opened on the day of the Celtic New Year will accept them as their own and will not touch them. - So, what side are the saints here? - Sir, this is just an excuse to get drunk.
— I’ll make myself a salary costume for Halloween. -Are you going to be late again?
If the day of the week were a symbol of Halloween, then it would definitely be Monday.
- How will you come to Halloween? - No, or rather, I’ll be myself: I’ll tell the truth. I answer, this is the worst thing you could come up with.
How to celebrate Halloween at school, ideas
There are different ways to celebrate Halloween at school. The most popular scenario is a festive concert with elements of a masquerade and a disco. Also at school you can hold a competition for the scariest costume made by yourself. Another option is to write a holiday script in the style of a popular program or event. For example, an unforgettable and interesting evening can be achieved if the script is designed in the style of an Oscar, but for “representatives” of evil spirits. Plus, you don't have to wait until an evening event at school. You can organize small thematic skits and competitions in honor of All Saints' Day before classes or during breaks. For example, select several high school students, dress them up in scary costumes and leave them to wait for those students and teachers who are late for classes. All latecomers will face “terrible” tests, for example, eating an apple with gummy worms or squash caviar from a children’s pot. For more interesting scenarios and ideas on how to celebrate Halloween at school, watch the video below.
Girl and vampires
Two vampires are sitting on a grave, and a little girl is running around them.
She runs around and teases them. Shows them. - Give it back, please! - the vampires ask her to return something.
– And don’t wait!
- Well, please, do you want us to kneel in front of you?!
- So I believed you!
A werewolf sees this scene. He stops and looks at the naughty girl.
- Hey, guys, why are you babying her?! Eat it and be done with it!
- Yeah, I ran away, she has our teeth!
The loss has returned
One woman came to a magic salon with a specific purpose. On the threshold she is met by a sort of colorful Hottabych in a robe with a crystal ball, a wand and other nonsense and asks about the purpose of her visit. Well, the woman says:
“My job is not so great, it’s hard to feed three children, and my husband, a scoundrel, has left for a young woman.” I’ll pay whatever you need, just bring the breadwinner back into the family!
Of course, the sorcerer’s lips are not stupid, and he answers her:
“Everything will work out, I promise.” Put 1000 rubles into the cash register. If problems arise, come for a second session.
The crying woman leaves the magician's office. A week later, this madam returns to the salon again, but now frightened and very shabby. The sorcerer asks:
- Your husband hasn’t returned yet?
In response he hears:
“He came back, he came back, but the first one he buried 10 years ago.”
Bad influence
One day a drug addict sits in a cemetery and smokes weed. Night. Moon. Full Halloween. To complete the picture, a dead man crawls out of the grave near him and, provoked by the boy’s presence, decides to scare him a little. He approaches him and says:
- Hey, let me take a drag!
The drug addict didn’t even blink an eye and handed him a rolled-up cigarette. The dead man took a drag, walked away and thought that apparently he didn’t look scary enough. He tore all his skin, tore out his eye and made a second attempt.
“Listen, boy, let the poor fellow take one more drag!”
The drug addict calmly answers:
- Well, take a drag.
The dead man walked away and began to think about how he could scare the fearless guy. He tore off his leg and arm and crawls to a drug addict.
- Let me take another drag!!!
The drug addict answers him:
- No, I won’t!
- Why is this so???
- It's bad for your health!
Creepy subtitles of the season
You can borrow funny jokes from the funny and profound.
- Grandma pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. — Erma Bombeck
- Parents sent their children who looked like me to Halloween. — Rodney Dangerfield
- Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the "spirit" of things. — Dee Snider
- Where there is no imagination, there is no horror. — Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
- There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. — George Carlin
- Perhaps the scariest thing about cemeteries is what they play in your head as you drive past them. — Demetri Martin
- Clothing makes a statement. Costumes tell a story. — Mason Cooley
- October, I stuff tiny candy bars into my pockets and carve my smile into a thousand pumpkins. — Rainbow Rowell
- Double, double labor and troubles; The fire burns and the boiler bubble. —Shakespeare
Wrong turn
Once upon a time, three young men fell into the hands of a vampire: an American, a German and a Russian. He tells them that if there is someone among them who can make him laugh, he will let him go free.
The American began to joke, but his jokes were flat: his blood clotted in the vampire’s throat.
The German suffered the same fate.
And the Russian suggested taking a drag on a cigarette. The vampire agreed, although he did not understand how this would help the Russian make him laugh.
They smoked, smoked vigorous weed, and then cackled under the fly agarics for a whole hour.
This means that the resourceful Russian vampire is letting go.
But it was not there. As soon as the Russian walked over the threshold, a vampire’s palm rested on his shoulder.
The vampire apologized for the fact that he felt the urge to eat after laughing, and that’s the end of the fairy tale.
Team games and competitions
Some competitions are structured in such a way that they only allow participation by teams, not single players. These are the types of competitions that are best held at school among teenagers.
Shouldn't we drink some blood?
This is the first of these competitions where teams will be able to come up with a name for themselves. To carry it out, you will need five liters of tomato juice, thirty plastic cups and cards with letters (“the letters Ё, Ъ and Ъ fall out”). Cards are cut out to size 3 by 2 cm and sealed in polyethylene. Throw one card at a time into plastic glasses and fill more than half with juice. This works out to be approximately 165 grams per glass. All glasses filled with “blood” are placed in the center of the table. Two teams of fifteen people (or three of ten) line up on opposite sides of him at the same distance. At the signal from the leader, one participant from each team runs to the table, drinks one of the glasses of “blood” and, having taken the letter, runs to his own. This continues until all the glasses are empty. After this, from the letters available to each group, they must form the name of the team. The winner is the one whose participants were able to come up with the longest name .
Pick up a treat
On Halloween, traditionally, children go from house to house and demand treats in exchange for giving up pranks and dirty tricks. Here we “transferred” this tradition to a school competition.
It will require two sets of darts (three if three teams are participating) and a large board with “pumpkins” . It's not difficult to make. You need to glue twenty (thirty) orange balloons onto a large piece of foam plastic. Each balloon is filled with candy before inflating. A few pumpkins can be left empty, or a small plastic ball can be placed in them instead of candy. Teams line up at the same distance from the pumpkin wall. At the signal and in order of turn, one person from the team takes a dart and throws it so as to pierce one of the balls. He then takes the "loot" and returns to the team to hand over the dart and candy. The team that collects the richest harvest of sweets wins - the balls are not counted.
Telephony for evil spirits
This is a competition game reminiscent of the familiar “ Broken Phone ”. Teams must line up. The leader takes the first participant from each group aside and quietly says a game phrase. At the signal, the participants return to their teams and convey the same phrase to each subsequent team in a whisper. The task is that the output phrase must have minimal distortion. To make this competition more interesting and give it a Halloween spirit, you need to turn off the lights during the competition. There are also certain rules in choosing phrases. For example, “I will definitely eat you,” “glory to Dracula,” “how I want fresh blood,” and so on. It is advisable to select phrases of the same length for all teams .
If you don’t know what kind of makeup you can do for Halloween, we’ll tell you! This article contains examples of dishes for Valentine's Day. Here: https://banquettes.ru/calendar/1-sentyabrya/szenarii-09dz/torzhestvennoy-lineyki-zdravstvuy-dorogaya-shkola.html - script for the ceremonial line on September 1.
Let's make a mummy!
For this competition, the usual groups are divided into several groups of two people each. All mini-teams are given a roll of toilet paper. It is advisable to choose the thinnest and softest one. In each group, one participant will play the role of a future mummy, and the second will create this mummy. At the leader's signal, players begin to wrap their partner from head to toe in toilet paper . The one who did it faster than others wins. There is also a prerequisite. The presenter makes sure that the paper does not tear . That is, the mummy must be whole. If the roll breaks, the participants automatically lose.
Give me my eyes!
The competition is very reminiscent of the old game, where you had to transfer as many eggs as possible in a spoon without breaking them. It is best to hold it in an assembly hall or just a large room. In this case, the eggs are replaced with “eyes” - table tennis balls, painted accordingly. There should be as many balls as there are participants in both teams. Team members line up before the start. The first player is given an ordinary spoon, and two containers are placed nearby. One contains “eyes”, and the second remains empty for now. When the presenter gives a signal, the first player takes one ball, puts it in a spoon and begins to run to the finish line, trying not to drop his “eye”. Then he returns, dumps the ball into an empty container and passes the spoon to the next person. Thus, all players must run the distance like a relay race. The first team to complete the “transfer” wins . However, there is also one condition here - if the ball does fall, the player picks it up, returns to the beginning of the path and goes through it again.
We have prepared for you options for DIY Halloween costumes. This publication contains the script for Morozko's New Year's fairy tale for children. Here: https://banquettes.ru/calendar/novyiy-god-31/kostyumyi-ng/idei-dlya-vzroslyih-populyarnyie-variantyi-s-foto.html - you can see photos of New Year’s costumes for adults.
Witch soup
Here, participants will look for the ingredients needed to prepare a witch's soup . To do this, you will need all kinds of “witchcraft” toy trifles. It could be anything - bats, spiders, rat tails, cobwebs, mushrooms, lizards, beetles, etc. All these ingredients must be selected in duplicate. In the assembly hall (or other school premises) two identical corners are decorated. For example, a closet, a chest of drawers, several chairs, buckets, mops are placed, sheets and various witch accessories are placed in disarray. All this will imitate two witches' storerooms. Among them you need to hide the prepared ingredients. You should also provide thick curtains around each “closet” so that there is a minimum amount of light. Before the start of the competition, the presenter reads out the names of all ingredients. After the signal, each team enters its “pantry” and begins the search. Time is limited to two or three minutes . After this, the search should be stopped. The group that has collected the most complete list of what is needed for the “soup” wins.
All competitions are subject to modification and change depending on how many people will participate. It is important that all children have time to take part in at least one competition.
In conclusion, you will find a video with a couple of competitions for Halloween: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1P9wUEih5c
Atypical jokes
- Mom, mom, I saw my grandmother!
“I told you a thousand times not to dig deep in the sandbox, fidget!” Postcard to mother-in-law: “Dear, dear mother-in-law! I congratulate you with all my heart on Halloween, your professional holiday!”
Why don't all ghosts appear in public on Halloween? Some people just don't find a comfortable neck.
According to the Halloween dictionary, going down a chimney means being in contact with evil spirits.
Spray aerosol “Bald Mountain” will help keep your hair flawless while flying on a broom, even in very windy weather.
Riddle: “It passes around the cemetery, but does not move, what is it?” Guess: “Fence!”
Halloween Omen: “A black cat unfortunately breaks your mirror with an empty bucket.”
Perhaps one of the scariest Halloween jokes is the following: “A pathologist’s nightmare: grateful clients constantly call him.”
Halloween for kids
Children's jokes about Halloween include the following:
“Cinderella, don’t forget that at exactly midnight your head will become a pumpkin! - this is how the good fairy shouted after the leaving carriage.
Cinderella, of course, no longer heard her. Long live Halloween!
“I celebrated Halloween dressed as a horse.
- Mane and apples?
“No, I took my dad’s coat.”
Finally, let’s read one of the sparkling jokes about Halloween at KVN:
Halloween is the only day of the year when you can give a girl the following compliment at a corporate party: “You’re so scary!” and not get hit in the face.
Fun Halloween contests at school, video
As for competitions in the Halloween scenario at school, there should be a lot of them, and they certainly should be fun. Therefore, preference should be given to themed Halloween competitions with moving tasks for ingenuity and attentiveness. Below are some examples of fun competitions for a Halloween script at school.
Blind artist in Halloween
2-3 volunteers are called onto the stage, blindfolded, and then asked to draw a person standing next to them on whatman paper. The participants themselves do not see those whom they must draw in advance, and portraits must be drawn by touch. The only thing the participants know is that they will draw villains. Naturally, high school students in monster costumes and, for example, the kindest teacher in school are chosen as models. When the portraits are ready, but the artists themselves have not yet seen their models, they are always asked who they think posed for.
Edible and inedible for Halloween
Participants are asked to try different treats while blindfolded and then guess what they ate. Among the delicacies offered may be, for example, gummy worms, meatballs, and pickled eggs. The main thing is that the smell of the food should be difficult to guess right away, and that it should be repulsive to the touch. Participants try food in a circle, and can refuse one dish per competition. The one who gives the most correct answers wins.
Halloween Costume Contest
The most traditional Halloween competition. Anyone can participate in it in interesting costumes. There should be several nominations, for example, “The most terrible costume”, “The most realistic embodiment”, “The kindest image”, etc. The winners are chosen by voting after the applause of the guests in the hall.
