You can watch the video performance on YouTube by going to the IzabellaPeysakh video channel... Photo by the author... I’m second on the right...
Characters: Leading Man Buyer Trader Armenian Wife
Presenter: A man was selling his wife at the market, No one gave a penny for her, Although she was very sweet in appearance, But the wife had a bad character: Jealous, grumpy, overly smart, And she knew everything about everything herself, She didn’t have friends she let out and hid vodka, Just a little... and threw a frying pan at him... She sawed without stopping night and day, Approached money with calculation, wisely, She found his stash in a moment, As if she was the main cop in the village... Our man is very tired of this , For six months he thought, decided and wondered, How to part with the harmful woman, In peace and happiness, so that he could live alone... And then, one day, the man gathered his courage, He mentally said goodbye to his wife, He poured sleeping pills into her tea in the evening , And in the morning he took the sleeping woman to the market...
Buyer: Man, are you selling your wife?
Husband: Selling, am I standing at the market for a reason?
Buyer: How much money are you asking for it?
Husband: Yes, where there is a lot - I wish I could get what’s mine back!
Buyer: I think she’s too smart?
Husband: Yes, that’s the trouble, she’s already very smart! And with her next to me, when I’m drunk, I imagine myself as a complete fool!
Buyer: How often do I pour wine for you?
Husband: I don’t remember what it smells like!
Buyer: Your wife is too good! Guess she doesn't know how to do anything?
Husband: No, on the contrary, although I’m not happy, she’s just a fan of her work! She gives herself completely, cleaning and washing, with a bulldog grip, she doesn’t sleep at night, she’s like a bee in the kitchen, and then she collapses in bed from fatigue.
Buyer: What about sex? Are you getting along with her?
Husband: What kind of sex is that?! Sandwich on the go!
Presenter: The man stood at the market all day, No one gave a price for his wife, The neighbor merchant felt sorry for him, Throwing a beautiful shawl over her shoulders, Swims towards the man, propping up her sides,
Merchant: Yes, brother, your hand is not easy! Let me sit with your wife and I’ll show you how to trade!
Presenter: The wife slept at the market all day, fell off the counter, falling on one side. One Armenian walked through the bazaar, saw her, swallowed an orange, lost his breath, trembled in ecstasy... Armenian: What a sexy woman lies here! Will you sell Jana? Merchant: Buy if you're rich! Take off your boots, not a woman, but a treasure!
Armenian: Wah, treasure GAVARiSH? What... is she rich?
Merchant: What are you doing? The box is full of different trinkets! There are medals, diplomas and certificates, he sings and dances, you can’t count everything!
Armenian: And if I walk with friends until the morning, I will be godless, what will she say?
Merchant: She will kiss you, warm up her friends, And will greet you with a smile at the door, And will pour you a glass, and feed you to the full, Such a good wife, brother...
Armenian: A good-looking, handsome and smart wife, I really need her like that at home, I’ve been dreaming about women like that, wow, for a long time!
Presenter: And he took out a wad of dollars from his pocket... The man looked at his wife, He wiped a stingy tear from his cheek
Man: Why am I, Marusya, selling you? I need such a wife myself!
Reviews
Romantic: I won't go to the Bolshoi Theater anymore! Your theater turned my head! It's definitely a little simpler! But now I’m an old-timer spectator! Isabella Peisakh: Now I'm afraid of ruining the Bolshoi Theater, Only a psychiatrist can cure me of fear... Romantic: I will never tire of admiring the talent! I watch your creativity tirelessly! I don’t find the ability to transform like this in everyone today!
The daily audience of the portal Stikhi.ru is about 200 thousand visitors, who in total view more than two million pages according to the traffic counter, which is located to the right of this text. Each column contains two numbers: the number of views and the number of visitors.
(Cartoon “A Man Selling a Cow at the Market,” remake), a lover of a healthy lifestyle and proper nutrition.
Participants in the scene: Presenter (aka Well done), and the old seller (Husband of the hero of the day), and the buyer (it’s better if there are two different people) Voice-over:
At the market, an old woman was selling an old woman. Nobody gave a price for her.
Buyer:
Your woman is too thin...
Seller:
She’s on a diet, it’s just a disaster
Buyer:
Is she agile in everything?
And how often does he give? Seller:
Yes, I have no strength anymore... It doesn’t give me any rest at all...
Well done:
Grandpa!
Your hand is not light. Let me stand with your grandmother, what if we sell your old woman... Seller:
Since you want to help me, the old man.
Let's try it, and I'll stand. Buyer:
Will you sell the old woman?
Well done:
Buy if you are rich.
She is not an old woman, but a treasure woman! Buyer:
Your thinness is too much of a woman...
Well done:
Eating healthy, keeping busy with sports...
Buyer:
Does she know anything about the Kama Sutra and &eks?
Well done:
She reads a lot and has practice...
Buyer:
What about her figure?
Is everything okay? Well done:
He doesn’t get off the exercise machines, he has a butt, his chest doesn’t hang out..
Buyer:
Well, your woman is not friendly.
Well done:
Pour a hundred grams, and he will dance and sing...
Leading:
The old man looked at his old woman.
Salesman:
- Why am I selling you, my beloved... I need such a beauty myself.
I won’t sell you, dear, to anyone.
Leading:
The fairy tale is a lie and there is a hint in it. It’s better to praise the woman yourself, please her and love her.
Dear ladies, mothers, spouses, girls and daughters! Do you want to organize an unexpected but very pleasant surprise for your loved one? Read funny skits for a man's birthday and imagine how he will react to a funny humorous performance.
Is it boring when the celebration is monotonous?! Let's get creative and make the evening truly unforgettable.
Don't put off organizing your celebration! Choose a funny scene, assign roles and rehearse a fun performance for the birthday of your loved one.
Cool scene for a man's birthday
It’s time for a young bachelor who is about to turn 30 to think about starting a family. In connection with the solemn anniversary, friends and colleagues can prepare a skit for the birthday boy on the topic of the difficult choice of a life partner.
So, there are three chairs on the stage. Intriguing music sounds, and the presenter says introductory words:
- So, three girls one evening
The three of us decided to sit on a bench.
The first girl came out onto the porch (the first actor dressed as a woman comes out).
- This is the eldest Marfusha,
Support the girl with applause! (the audience laughs and applauds).
- Here the second girl Maryushka came out (the second actor in a dress enters).
We didn’t have to wait long; the third, slender and beautiful sister Alyonushka appeared on the porch (a lanky, thin actor in a short dress appears).
The girls are sitting on chairs, resting and gnawing on sunflower seeds.
Leading
: Three girls under the window sang songs in the evening, Sang, sang, talked about how they should get married,
How to find suitors?
- Darling Marfushenka stood up, put her hands on her hips and declared (the first actor rises from his seat, Verka Serduchka’s song “If you are a little over 30...” sounds).
- The second sister Maryushka pushed Marfushenka away and began to sing (the second actor gets up, dances, Slava’s song “Loneliness” sounds).
- The third sister, modest and beautiful, shakes her head. (The third actor gets up and throws up his hands to the song “Women’s happiness, if only a sweetheart were nearby.”)
Leading
: The beauties got excited, got excited and argued about which of them was more beautiful and would get married faster?
They brought a large mirror and began to take turns admiring it. (A fourth actor enters the hall with shiny paper on his chest.)
Leading
: The first sister came up to the mirror and asked, am I the cutest, most rosy and whitest in the world? And the mirror is in response to her... (the song “Well, why are you so scary...” sounds).
“The first sister ran away, and the second one took her place and is torturing the mirror again, tell me, am I the cutest in the world, the most rosy and white?” And the mirror answers her (the Rybak’s song “You got me so sick” sounds).
“The girl was offended, began to cry, and the third sister, in defiance of her, looked in the mirror and didn’t ask anything. And the smart glass speaks to her (the song “How bright you are today..." sounds).
Leading
: As soon as she had time to say it, the door creaked quietly and the king entered the little room, the sovereign of that side! (To the music “The King was returning home from the war...” the fifth actor enters the room, holding an inverted wine glass and fork).
“The three girls stood up modestly (modestly, girls, modestly!) and bowed to the king!”
Well, the tsar, being single, although no longer young, became thoughtful a little! (the hit song of the Dirty Rotten Scoundrels “Girls are different”) sounds.
Leading
: And the girls were shy, but not at all confused. A girl, the eldest sister of all, came up to the king and said without hiding (behind the scenes music is “My Sweet Baby”).
— The king recoiled from the pressure, but the second of the girls ran up and sang (the song “Play-boy, next to you...”).
- Well, the younger sister, also not a bastard, approached the king, shook her curls, stuck out her chest and loudly declared (words behind the scenes “Hug me, take me, I don’t want to!”). The couple hugged and danced to romantic music.
Leading
: The mirror also did not stand aside, it rolled up to the king and, looking at the third sister, whispered in his ear (song behind the scenes).
- The king became thoughtful, scratched the back of his head, what kind of bride should he choose? (the music started playing “If I were a Sultan, I would have three wives”).
“Then the mirror became indignant, flew at the king and said (over the scenes words from the film “What are you hinting at, king’s face?”).
Leading
: The king was completely at a loss, became shy and decided to give back! (the song “Yes, there is no money, there is no money at all”) was played.
- Two girls attacked the king, and began to beat him with their fists, and only the third sister looked affectionately from under her eyebrows and smiled at the groom (the song “I will kiss you ...” sounds).
Leading
: The king realized that he had found his happiness and led the beautiful maiden down the aisle! This is where the fairy tale ends, and whoever listened, well done!
Sketch for a man’s anniversary “Well, you’re cool!”
The holiday is in full swing, the guests are tipsy, and two girls in gypsy outfits suddenly enter the hall. The beauties spin and dance to cheerful music, and then address the guests.
Gypsy 1
: Hello, dear guests! We passed by and found out about your holiday!
Gypsy 2
: We decided to stop by and see what’s interesting here! And, of course, (whisper) rob you of every last thread!
Both laugh and spin around, approaching the birthday boy.
Gypsy 1
: Look, friend, we have the hero of the occasion here!
Gypsy 2
: Give me a pen, I’ll tell you fortune!
Both take his hands and look at his palms.
Gypsy 1
: Oh, happy man!
Gypsy 2
: Long-lived!
Gypsy 1
: And successful, I’ll see!
Gypsy 2
: Look how smart he is! Not a man, but a dream!
Both laugh, dance a beautiful dance and clap their hands to the music. The gypsy women whisper on the sidelines, and then return to the man again.
Gypsy 1
: We have a surprise for you on this occasion!
Gypsy 2
: Your hands told us that you are already 40 years old! Anniversary!
Gypsy 1
: Yes, yes, let's find out what you have become over the years!
One of the gypsies unties the bag from her belt and spends some time sorting through the contents with the second. Then they turn to the birthday boy.
Gypsy 1
: This bag is magical, we started talking about it. Put your hand in there and pull out the first thing you come across!
Gypsy 2
: Each item inside will tell you a little about you and will show your guests the real you.
The birthday boy begins to pull out objects:
- lighter - a man with a light;
- bills - rich;
- weight for scales - strong;
- pebble - strict;
- flower – delicate;
- cufflink – responsible;
- ring - a good husband or groom;
- children's toy - a good dad (or future);
- Buddha figurine – wise;
- cog is a jack of all trades.
You can add any other items in accordance with the character and habits of the person (a watch for punctuality, a brush for love of order, fruits according to character, etc.)
The bag is empty, the gypsies admire the man.
Gypsy 1
: Well, you're cool! Plus, he's good-looking!
Gypsy 2
: Agree! It's like the stars aligned well!
They put all their things back and whisper about something.
Gypsy 1
with annoyance: It’s even a shame to somehow rob such a person!
Gypsy 2
thoughtfully: Then another time! Now let's give him a valuable gift?!
Gypsy 1
: Lets do it!
The gypsies present the birthday boy with a gift prepared in advance from the guests, say goodbye and run away to the music.
Is a woman housewife required to work?
If a woman does not work, she is old-fashioned - this opinion is often found in society today. After all, it used to be that ladies sat at home, because they still couldn’t express themselves in the same way as men, but now representatives of different sexes have the same opportunities to make a career. That’s why many people are perplexed by girls who choose the role of housewives instead of finding a prestigious job or realizing themselves in politics, creativity, art, etc.
Unemployed women are sometimes ashamed of their situation and think that they do not play a big role in the family because they do not earn money. But there is no unambiguous attitude towards housewives and their status: some are convinced of the need for women to pursue a career, while others are confident that only men should provide for the family financially.
Gone are the days when women in different countries around the world had to work literally for food. And this work was very hard. Thus, during the war and post-war years, many representatives of the fairer sex had to master male professions in order to feed their families, because their husbands died at the front. In the civilized world, everything has changed a long time ago. And now there is no need for this. But why in modern society do husbands force their wives to work?
Often, a woman makes decisions about employment based on her needs for material goods. If she is married and her husband is able to provide the family with everything necessary, work makes it possible to be financially independent.
But some girls are quite comfortable being a housewife and engaging in self-development, maintaining good physical shape, visiting beauty salons and taking care of a husband who earns good money.
It happens the other way around: a woman is completely immersed in building a career, trying to achieve professional success, and has almost no time left for family concerns. This is usually typical of ambitious people who do not agree to sit at home and limit their interests to household affairs, even if their husband is ready to pay for any of their whims. Such women strive for new knowledge, business acquaintances, and professional success, but a narrow circle of household responsibilities and communication exclusively with neighbors and housewives simply depresses them.
3 important steps
which every woman should go through
Anika Snagovskaya
Author and presenter of women's trainings on harmonizing feminine energy. Master of removing limiting beliefs and master of constellations.
I have prepared three lessons for you that will help you better understand yourself, remove the restrictions that prevent you from feeling loved and living happily.
01
Video lesson with meditation: 5 states of femininity
You will learn about 5 female states that exist in every woman, how they manifest themselves and which archetypes are most manifested in you and which are not developed.
02
Video lesson + meditation: How to let go of past relationships
I’ll tell you what you need to do to free your heart from old feelings and break the energy threads connecting you with your past partner.
03
Audio recording: Neuro-af
Thanks to this neuro-affirmation, you can regain self-love and feel sincere gratitude and happiness for every day.
✕
Take your gifts!
Thus, for some ladies, life without a career and daily communication with colleagues is unthinkable. They cannot imagine themselves outside the profession; it is important for them to realize themselves in what they love. Others prefer family and home care to all other life tasks. Be that as it may, when wondering why a husband forces his wife to work, one must understand that someone who truly loves his chosen one will not force her to do something against her will, much less make a decision for her.
Funny scene for a small group of men
And now an original humorous production for an all-male company. In a circle of close friends, after a few glasses of alcohol, such a scene for a friend’s 50th birthday would be just in time.
Grandfather and grandmother enter the hall to the sound of a cheerful melody. Granny is a tall actor in a woman’s dress, wearing a headscarf and holding a cigarette, and grandpa is a small and plump woman in a hat with earflaps.
Guests in disguise read poetry.
Grandfather
: Comrades, citizens, we must now open the official part! Therefore, I and my... oh... my woman have the floor to report. (He moves away a couple of steps) Your family has deigned to wonder for a long time who will congratulate the hero of the day.
Grandma
: One suggested Alla Pugachev, the other insisted on calling the Queen, and your girls, such impudent people, let them go, they say, Galkin will come!
Grandfather
: And the third one once blurted out drunkenly, let him go, he said, your wife congratulates you, that is (points to the grandmother with horror) she!
Grandma
: OK! Enough of the snowstorm here! It's time to congratulate! You’re my old grandfather, but he’s such a young man!
Grandfather
: Indeed! Look how good he is! And you look pretty! Charming, gallant, very, very elegant!
Grandma
: Our dear hero of the day, I have long wanted to give you a medal from everyone. And receive, as change, your kiss to boot!
The birthday boy is brought to the grandmother, and she solemnly puts a medal on him to the music. Then another gift is given. In response, you must kiss your grandmother on the cheek!
Grandfather
: And yet, it’s time for us to wrap up! Others will congratulate you! (Looks disapprovingly at the grandmother and shakes her head.)
Grandma
: Well, why are you shutting me up?! As if you don’t know my desire! (Pushes grandfather with his shoulder) When family friends meet, they are supposed to have a drink!
The grandfather, imitating, hides one bottle in his jacket: They are supposed to drink! Let's have a drink and a snack, and then everyone will congratulate us in a circle! Come on, (addresses the grandmother) stop embarrassing yourself!
Grandma
: What did you screw up?! (Points to the bottle)
Grandfather
: Let's go, let's go, don't gundi!
The two quickly leave the stage to thunderous applause.
Gossip girls. Funny scene.
Synopsis. At the entrance of a multi-storey building, two grandmothers, typical gossips, are sitting on a bench. They discuss those coming and going, touching on world problems along the way. Imperceptibly they move on to their own shortcomings, ending a fruitful conversation with a woman’s brawl. INT. SCENE - DAY
The HOST comes out.
HOST Who in the world knows everything? From whom even the most secretly living and secretly working in the house cannot dodge. And who is it? Let's see.
NAT. COURTYARD OF A MULTI-STOREY HOUSE - DAY
The first verse of V. Dobrynin’s song “Old Grandmothers” sounds.
A bench, a little further away is the entrance door to the house. On the bench, sedately and knowledgeably husking sunflower seeds is GANN, an elderly woman, corpulent, with a cunning look on her face, in a black scarf, a dressing gown and slippers.
The door opens and PARASKA, a wizened old woman, comes out of the house, wearing a hat with ear flaps, a sweatshirt and large, oversized rubber boots.
HANNA (speaks with a lisp because she doesn't have enough teeth) Oh! Paraska! You haven’t mixed up anything - as if summer hasn’t died yet...
PARASKA (in a trembling voice) Oh, good health to you, Ganna, but I can’t get warm in the morning.
HANNA And where did you get frostbite in the middle of summer?
PARASKA I joined the sect...
HANNA Well, you always join somewhere: now in the city, now in the party, and now in a sect?
PARASKA Don't talk, friend. The sect is called “Summer Walrus”. According to the rules of the sect, before going to bed you need to sit in cold water, in the bath; and in the morning there is the same amount. Out of habit, I got a little frosty. I came out to warm up with you, to warm up my speeches.
Ganna invites her friend to sit next to her with a gesture of her hand.
HANNA Clearly, I decided to rejuvenate myself and improve my health. And I also jumped out for a minute, you see, even in flip-flops. However, sit down in a row, in a gossipy manner, as my grandfather used to say, Kuzya, who has become obsolete early.
Paraska sits down, Ganna pours her some seeds.
A MAN AT PARADE comes out of the house: suit, shirt, tie, briefcase in hand. Stealthily looking up at the windows of the house, he hurriedly passes by the grandmothers.
Hanna leans towards her friend.
HANNA Do you know what kind of guy fell out of the door?
PARASKA First time I see!
HANNA And I'm first. But it seems to me that this is Glashka’s lover, who is crowing on the ninth!
PARASKA Yes, well! A decent woman, husband... this... long-distance... e... fighter... trucker! In! There seem to be no children.
HANNA Yeah, no! But I didn’t want to - there were already four of them!
Paraska's eyes bulge and staggers dangerously backwards. Ganna keeps her friend from falling.
HANNA The guy who drives for six months in Europe is already her fifth...
PARASKA (grabbing the edge of the bench) What are you doing?! And how is she with the children... poor... alone?
HANNA Like a cuckoo: she distributed the fruits of her love among her mother-in-laws! And she herself, there, doesn’t dry out, but actually blooms! Look, what a lover she grabbed - the intelligentsia! With a briefcase!
The door opens and a young woman comes out arm in arm with a man. The couple is dressed festively, smiling at each other and cooing sweetly. They pass by the grandmothers quite quickly.
PARASKA So... this is Glashka and her husband! What about the lover? Or is it not...
GANN Maybe not... I put forward a version. The lover, it seems, is not Glashkin, but Lyudkin, from the fifth.
PARASKA Ah... Lyudka, what are you doing with Yopika?
HANNA You wanted to say yoga. Not yoga, but phytis!
PARASKA What kind of fruit is this?
GANN This is when girls get together and dance naked to rock music...
PARASKA Without men?
HANNA If with men, then this is a different fate, a different article... criminal - debauchery!
Paraska rolls her eyes, staggers again, and her friend barely has time to support her.
A girl appears: blonde, bright makeup, tight jeans, but low-heeled shoes and a bag in her hand. She looks at the grandmothers contemptuously, grimaces and enters the house.
HANNA Wow, infection! He also turns his face up, God forgive me...
PARASKA What do you think?
HANNA Why can't you see? She trudged back from night duty... on the highway - see how she sways. Although no... it’s Lyuska, a social worker!
PARASKA Yes, well! And who does it serve?
HANNA Garaska from the eighth!
PARASKA Garaska? The one that... is with... lies.
HANNA Yeah, it's lying down! And from a young age, he and I... had... such standing meetings... It used to be like this... under a tree, you couldn’t move it!
PARASKA Yes, well?!
Again she almost falls - her friend catches her.
HANNA Are you not on a diet? You fall, even without the wind.
PARASKA I've been on a diet since I retired. Moreover, over the years the diet gets steeper. But for you, friend, neither a pension nor a crisis will take you away. Where do you save your fat?
HANNA What don’t you know? Scientists from America itself have guessed that warming is a lie, but now the ice deadline is already hiccupping. The other day it was on the news that snow fell in the Sahara Desert and the water froze. The humpback camels sneezed en masse, began choking on snot and spitting everywhere!
PARASKA You know, I got it right with the sect...
HANNA Winter swimming won't help. Here you need to stock up on dry ice... and harden at -70, and not in tap water.
PARASKA So in such frost you will turn into ice!
GANN That's right, like a mammoth in the tundra. But then, after millions of years, they will find you, warm you up and clone you. In short, you will come back to life, albeit with a different face.
Paraska grabs onto her friend so as not to fall.
PARASKA Well, you’re talking about your fears!
GANN These are not fears! Look, the grandson was talking, and he looked from the Internet, they say, scientists from Hollywood guessed: a man crossed the red line and moved again to a monkey, then to an amoeba, and then the Earth will explode!
Paraska wipes sweat from her forehead and sadly shakes her head.
Here, during a pause, the door of the house opens and first a man comes out with two huge trunk bags, followed by a woman with smaller bags. They nod to the grandmothers and hurry past.
GANN Yes, these have no time for sugar camels! Did you hear the ringing in the bags?
PARASKA I’m a little deaf, especially in the morning...
HANNA Tyukha and Masha got insolent! (looking around, whispering) Moonshine is butted, shameless... and they sell it... right in the bottles.
PARASKA Well, you were fooling around... Still, it’s a penny...
HANNA (looking around stealthily) Hush, you unlucky one... That’s right, there was a lapse and a financial hole. And I follow the laws. (looking sarcastically at her friend) Not like some...
Paraska, dumbfounded, bulges her eyes and spits sharply.
PARASKA Are you on me?...
GANN And who rented out the room to these... couples... lovers. Did you shovel a lot during the night?
Paraska jumps to her feet indignantly.
PARASKA What do you know about love! I helped people... And helping is God’s work!
HANNA Yeah, don't bring God in! The guys at the door, right, organized a line... for the parking lot... prodigal.
PARASKA Oh, you're an old gossip!
In response, Ganna jumps up indignantly, takes off the slipper from her foot and rushes at Paraska with it. She, dodging, quickly takes off her boot and, in turn, hits her friend with it. The brawl is accompanied by curses and lamentations.
A man appears at the parade. He stops and looks at the fighting grandmothers. His face breaks into a cheerful smile.
MAN AT PARADE Really, the grandmothers didn’t share the gossip? (looks at his watch) However, I’m running out of time to call an ambulance and the police - I’ll have to separate it myself...
The man puts the diplomat on the ground, approaches the grandmothers and tries to separate them. They break up the fight. They look menacingly at the man and together, with shoes in their hands, rush at him.
The man, brushing off the lively old women, grabbing a diplomat, runs into the house - and the gossips rush after him, with cries of indignation...
End.
How a woman sold a man in a new way - a funny scene for his 60th birthday
Has your beloved husband, brother or colleague turned 60? Congratulate him in an original way and with humor! To do this, it is enough to prepare a short funny scene where a tired wife sells her elderly husband at the market.
The birthday boy is seated on a chair with a sign “Used husband, price negotiable.”
The miniature begins with the words of the presenter: “At the market, a man’s wife was selling. The price of the goods surprised all the people.”
Customer 1
: Mistress, will you sell half of yours?
Wife
: I’ll sell it, I’ve been standing with it at the market since morning.
Customer 1
: Tell me, how much are you asking for him?
Wife
: Where can you make money? I wish I could give it back! What was at first is no longer there. It's worn out well over so many years!
Customer 1
incredulously: Your other half is too fat... (pats the goods)
Wife
, clasping his hands: Eats at night, damn it! Well, it's just a problem. I feed only meat. He has diabetes. He snores at night, there is no escape.
Customer 1
: What can he do with his hands?
Wife
: Yes, there is little help. This guy with the mustache would just sit at his computer and go online twice a day.
Customer 1
shrugs off such goods and leaves.
Leading
: The wife stood at the market all day, and the husband’s value dropped by lunchtime. Here the merchant from the next row decided to help her sell her bastard husband.
Trader
: Well, what are you doing, honey? I see that you can’t sell half of yours. Let me help, I'll stand with you. Maybe we’ll sell your uselessness. (Addresses people) Come on, people! The woman is selling her husband!
Customer 2
: Are you selling your husband? Why is your man rich?
Trader
, stepping forward: Look for yourself! Not a man, but a treasure! Imagine: it’s night, thieves are climbing through the window, and he, like a dog, takes care of everything!
Customer 2
: Is that so, merchant? Look for yourself! Both legs are shaking with fear!
Trader
: Although he is not Schwarzenegger, he is polite. And how much money he brings home!
Customer 2
interested: How much is the salary? Small, big?
Customer 2
: What about this “product” for men? Didn't mind it too much? Probably old...
Trader
: What are you talking about! Look, he happened both at night and during the day...! Although he is not tall enough, he is a little funny, but in this matter he is... let's go!
Customer 2
: Doubts take over... Come on, come on, wait. Let's see!
Leading
: The wife looked at her living creatures...
Wife
: Oh, why am I selling you, dear? Rich, handsome and... went. Well, why am I stupid! What else is needed? I won't sell you! And let's go home.
This ends the scene and the music starts playing. The wife hugs her husband, the hero of the day, and a cake with lighted candles is served to the table.
Other reasons to send your wife to work
- The husband believes that money is the main thing that connects his wife with him. In this case, getting his wife to work can convince him of selfless love for him.
- The man is worried that if any difficulties arise, the family will not have enough money to overcome them.
- The spouse may be concerned about the wealth of the woman she loves without his money: “What can she do without my financial support? Is she happy with the role of a housewife?” Employment of a woman, as a rule, eliminates such issues.
- A man wants to be proud of his wife’s professional successes and respect her for her achievements. In his mind, this is a manifestation on her part of caring for the family. That's why the husband forces his wife to work.
- The man has high hopes for mutual understanding, which, in his opinion, helps to overcome any difficulties together. Strong relationships in marriage are possible when both spouses think in the same direction, set similar goals and strive for them together. If the couple's ambitions do not coincide, the marriage will not last long. What is important is not what the partners were like when they entered into an alliance, but that they both strive for growth and self-realization.
- The answer to the question why a husband forces his wife to work may be his cooling towards her. Perhaps the spouses need a reboot in their relationship. A woman’s career can help with this: she will be surrounded by men at work, and it is possible that they will also show signs of attention. This will tone up your spouse, make him appreciate his soul mate, and awaken his passion again.
- A man wants to see next to him not an exhausted housewife who is not interested in anything other than pots, but a confident and happy woman. Everyone likes wives who always look well-groomed and engage in self-development.
Congratulation sketch “Shouldn’t we have a drink?”
And this is how it starts!
Leading
announces behind the scenes: Dear guests! Before the performance starts, pour yourself a glass, then the skit about alcohol will become more understandable and funny! (music and a fairy-tale introduction from the cartoon “One simple fairy tale, or maybe not a fairy tale…” sound).
Leading
continues: A little bunny runs out into the clearing, and there is a tree stump with a glass and a bottle of vodka. The bunny drank two sips, sank even more and fell on the grass. Then the butterflies (two girls in the form of butterflies) flew into the clearing, and let’s circle over the bunny. What happened, what happened?
Cheerful music plays, and the presenter continues: Then, unfortunately, a fox ran past and ran into a bunny. At first I wanted to swallow it right away, but then I saw a bottle of vodka, slammed my glass down and instantly got drunk.
The fox fell down next to the hare, and the butterflies were right there. They circle over the animals and lament, what happened, what happened?
Playful music plays again, and the presenter tells the continuation of the story: A hare and a fox are lying on the grass, and a wolf runs past. I saw the sleeping people and was happy. He thinks he’ll eat the hare now, and the fox…. But then the wolf's eyes noticed the vodka. The gray robber drank a glass and became drunk. He fell on the grass next to his comrades, lay there and couldn’t breathe.
A terrible melody began to play, and the presenter said in a whisper: Ah, animals, animals of the forest! You sleep drunk and don’t know that a hunter is wandering nearby (an actor with a gun enters the hall). The hunter finally found a clearing and decided to profit from the helpless prey, only vodka caught his eye.
The man finished the entire bottle and fell asleep in the clearing next to the drunken animals, and the butterflies circled above them and wailed: What happened? What happened?
Leading
with a grin: Time passed, the sun went down. The hunter overslept, but there was no trace of the animals. Moreover, some tramp stole his gun. That's how it happens! They say the fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it, don’t drink in the forest, you’ll become a little goat!
This is where the tale ends, and whoever listened, well done!
Paraphrases about different things
Characters:
- Leading,
- Buyer,
- Grandfather (husband),
- Boy,
- Grandma.
Props:
- The sign with the inscription “FOR SALE” is made of thick cardboard, with a rope so that you can hang it on your chest.
Host: Quiet. guests, sit and watch this fairy tale, we called the scene “Sex Woman”, and we taught you a lesson.
An old man was selling an old woman at the market; no one would give a ruble for the old woman.
Buyer: Your old lady is too sick.
Grandfather: The damn thing is sick, it’s just a disaster!
Buyer: What about in bed? Have you given for a long time?
Grandfather: Yes, what's the use of it, it lies like a log.
Presenter One boy took pity on the old man.
Boy Papa, your hand is not easy! Come on, I’ll stand with your granny, - Maybe we’ll sell your old lady. For you - so that you buy pullet, and give me fifty dollars for vodka!
Grandfather: Wait, my dear. Sell it if you're smart. If you help me sell it, I’ll give you moonshine!
(The guy hangs a “FOR SALE” sign on his headstock)
Buyer: Sell the old woman!
Boy: Buy it if you're rich! Look at the old woman, not an old woman - but a treasure!!!
Buyer: Your old lady is too thin!
Boy: Looks unsightly. She's cunning in bed!
Buyer: How much does the old woman read about sex?
Boy: Yes, I read a lot. And there is practice!
Buyer: Does grandma have breasts and a butt?
Boy: Oh, you can’t count all of grandma’s charms! She has been a gymnast since childhood, she is very friendly with blet and fitness!
Buyer: Yes, your old woman is kind of gloomy!
Boy: If you give me a hundred grams, you won’t be able to hold it back!
Buyer: Does she want to have sex? After all, she’s clearly not twenty years old! Doesn't she have a headache? He has one foot in the grave!
Boy: That's right, the grandmother is very old, But this is a plus for her, not a problem! Grandma doesn’t think about her homeland. Is every night suddenly the last of your life? She does such a thing at the end that young people's mouths gape!
Host: The old man looked at his old woman
Grandfather: Why am I, Matryona, selling you?! I won’t sell my old woman to anyone, I need such a sex bomb myself!
Presenter: The fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it, And for you, little women, a lesson: So that men love you to your heart’s content, So that they carry you in their arms, - Don’t lie like a log in bed, Please please your husband!
The skit can be performed on a wedding anniversary, anniversary, bachelorette party and other holidays.
Wedding - thematic selection
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Sketch from the group “Polygamist”
There are two chairs in the center of the hall. The presenter solemnly announces the beginning of the funny miniature. The birthday boy is seated on one of the chairs, and an actor (one of the guests) sits next to him.
Guest
: My dear friend, I have an important announcement to make! On this solemn day I confess... I have a big family!
Behind the door are three girls with their faces covered and in long outfits like a burqa. They run into the hall one by one when their names are announced.
Guest
: Come in, dears! Gyulchatai! Zulfiya! Maryam!
The girls stand with their heads down. The guest gets up, walks from side to side and sighs heavily.
Guest
: You know how much I love you all. But the time has come for us to part. The girls are shocked and excitedly whispering and looking at each other.
Guest
: From now on you are free and free to control your destiny. I can't hold you back.
There is a moment of silence, then the song “If I were a Sultan” sounds.
The girls circle around their husband, dance and at the end take off their burqas. Together they take a step forward towards the guests.
Gyulchatay
indignantly: He abandoned us! He doesn't love us!
Zulfiya
angrily: And, for sure, I never loved. Deceiver!
Maryam
sadly: This is terrible! What a betrayal!
Gyulchatay and Maryam hug and cry. Zulfiya takes matters into her own hands.
Zulfiya
: Since he didn’t value us, we will find someone who will!
Gyulchatay
: How do we do this?
Zulfiya
: Just look around! There are so many wonderful men around. We will definitely find our happiness.
Maryam
enthusiastically: Yes! And they will truly love us!
All three turn to their ex-husband and fold their arms over their chests.
Zulfiya
: OK, darling! If so, we'll leave!
Gyulchatay
: And let's find our happiness!
Maryam
uncertain: Yes. And you...will regret leaving us!
The girls proudly turn away and walk throughout the hall, peering at the men. They actively discuss something, comment, reflect. At the end of the round, they return to the center of the hall and freeze in thought.
Zulfiya
: We've arrived! It's harder than I thought!
Gyulchatay
tired: We won’t find anyone until the end of our lives.
Maryam
wants to cry again: Let's remain old maids!
Zulfiya
looks around and glances at the birthday boy.
Zulfiya
whisper: Girls! How we missed it! Look!
Gyulchatay
interested: And he is neat, stately and handsome. Not bad. What do you say, Maryam?
Maryam
enthusiastically: How good. He is kind, interesting and has a sense of humor. What we are going to do?
Gyulchatay
The first one approaches the birthday boy: Well, hello, (name)! Happy birthday!
Zulfiya
catches up: We wish you happiness, joy, love!
Maryam
: And we have a gift for you, yes!
Gyulchatay takes out a pen from his pocket, and Zulfiya takes out folded paper. They ask you to sign in unison. Having received the signature, they jump joyfully and show everyone the large inscription on the unfolded paper “Marriage Certificate”.
To the song “My Half,” the three of them put on the birthday boy a prepared white cape to the floor, a turban (or crown) and drag him off the stage. The audience is delighted!
